How to Build Resilience in Children

Life is hardly predictable—it’s just a fact. However, how a child reacts to these challenges shapes their future. The good news is resilience can be nurtured. This guide explores various strategies to help you build resilience in children, empowering them to navigate difficulties, learn from mistakes, and ultimately thrive.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. It develops in children through supportive relationships, like with parents or caregivers, providing them a safe space to express emotions and learn coping skills.

A resilient person is typically capable of the following:

• Navigating hardships and learning to adapt
• Coping with intense emotions in a healthy way
• Flexibility and resourcefulness in the face of stress

Why is Resilience Important in Children?

Resilience is crucial for children because it equips them with the tools to navigate life's inevitable challenges. Life throws curveballs, and resilient children can recover from disappointment, failure, or loss.

Overcoming challenges can do wonders for a child’s self-confidence and esteem, as they can depend on themselves to handle difficulties and emerge strong. Resilience also encourages children to find healthy ways to manage stress and difficult emotions.

Resilient children are better equipped as adults to adapt to new situations, navigate social challenges, and deal with triggers.

Finally, resilience can positively impact brain function in children, as they experience fewer negative impacts of stress [*]. Children who navigate setbacks strengthen neural pathways associated with problem-solving, decision-making, and emotional regulation [*].

How to Build Resilience in Children

There are many opportunities in childhood to build resilience. Here are a few tips for parents, caregivers, and teachers.

1. Encourage strong relationships

Strong relationships are the bedrock of resilience in children. Focus on the core relationship with yourself and other caregivers by spending quality time together. Do something you enjoy and provide safe spaces for them to confide in you.

Encourage them to expand their social circles by arranging playdates or connecting your child with positive role models. Build community connections through sports teams, clubs, and volunteering.

2. Emphasize effort over outcome

Emphasizing efforts over outcomes involves focusing on the process—not the end product. You can inspire a growth vs. a fixed mindset in children by praising effort and improvement. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re so good at math!” tell your child, “I see you’re trying new strategies to solve this math problem. Keep at it!”

Focus on learning goals emphasizing progress rather than winning or getting the “right” answer. Encourage your child to discover new ways to solve a single problem to promote a growth mindset.

3. Teach them problem-solving skills

Practicing problem-solving skills doesn’t have to be daunting. You can make the process fun and engaging for kids by using play-based learning, such as puzzles and open-ended toys, and involving them in everyday tasks.

You can also guide them through the problem-solving process through roleplay, teaching them to identify problems, brainstorm solutions together, evaluate potential outcomes, and reflect.

4. Model resilience

Young children learn through observation. The better a role model you are, the more they’ll take after good habits. You can model resilience every day by being open about your challenges. Share your setbacks and normalize needing help, sharing coping mechanisms like deep breathing, exercise, and talking to someone.

Demonstrate perseverance by showing your child you don’t give up easily. Don’t shy away from admitting mistakes either—you can use them as opportunities to demonstrate the importance of learning from them.

5. Help them understand their feelings

When a child is new to experiencing complex feelings or struggles, giving them a safe space to express themselves is essential. Validate them by listening actively and letting them know their feelings are real. More importantly, avoid judgment and criticism.

Help your child develop a vocabulary of feelings by using simple language, using descriptors like “sad,” “happy,” and “angry” to introduce more complex emotions as they get older gradually. Use our feelings and emotions charts to help your child identify new and old feelings.

By understanding their feelings, children can master emotion regulation.

6. Allow them to make choices

Allowing your child to take the lead can be intimidating—it can be challenging to let go as a parent! However, starting with age-appropriate choices can help your child get into the swing of things safely and productively.

For instance, if you’re parenting a toddler, you can start by offering safe and acceptable options like clothing, snacks, and toys. As they age, you can give your child choices regarding what toys and books they want, decisions regarding extracurricular activities, and boundaries regarding their safety and well-being.

7. Help them identify their strengths

As children grow increasingly curious about the world around them, they’ll learn more about their strengths and weaknesses. While it’s critical to note weaknesses and how to improve them, it’s just as enriching and motivating to highlight your child’s strengths!

Observe and pay attention when engaged in activities they enjoy and look for strengths they demonstrate in everyday situations. For example, your child might be good at helping others or be highly organized with their belongings. Whatever the case, provide positive feedback for their strengths in every aspect of their lives.

8. Allow for failure

Watching your child take their first misstep can be devastating as a parent. However, failure is just a part of life and something your child can use to their advantage.

When your child slips up or makes a questionable decision, explain that everyone makes mistakes, including adults. It's a normal part of learning and growing. Reframe your child’s failures as learning experiences. Instead of "You failed the test," say, "This test showed us what areas you might need more practice in."

Most importantly, be patient. While solutions are always welcome, sometimes all a child needs is comfort and support. Provide a safe space for them to express their emotions without judgment.

9. Offer them support

There are many ways to provide your child with emotional support and foster a safe and nurturing environment where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Start by building a solid foundation. Pay close attention whenever your child speaks with you, focusing on their body language and avoiding interrupting.

Offer physical support with consent, such as a hug, a cuddle, or a pat on the back. In addition, you can offer reassurance through words of affirmation and positive reinforcement. Let your child know you believe in them.

The Bottom Line

Fostering resilience and emotional well-being in children is a multifaceted journey. By prioritizing strong relationships, encouraging effort over outcome, and creating a space for open communication, you can equip your child with the tools they need to navigate the complexities of life.

Discover more stress management and trauma worksheets to help your child regulate their emotions and develop resilience through adversity.

Sources:

1. “Resilience.” Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, 2024.
2. Wu G, Feder A, Cohen H, et al. “Understanding Resilience.” Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 2013.