How to Help Your Child Grieve a Pet's Loss

For many, pets aren’t just companions but part of the family. Losing a pet can be especially hard on a child, and their grief may linger for a long time. Knowing how to help a child grieve the loss of a pet can help them process their emotions and cherish the memories they’ve shared.

This article explores healthy grieving methods and ways you can support your child when they lose a pet.

Tips to Help Your Child Grieve a Pet's Loss

Research shows that 63% of children lose their pets before the age of 7 [*]. At this age, death can feel confusing, scary, and impossible to comprehend.

Delivering the news about the death of a pet is never easy, but telling your child in an environment where they feel comfortable and using direct terms is important. Here are other tips for discussing the death of a pet with your child.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings

Grief can bring many new and confusing emotions, especially for a young child. Reassure them that these feelings are normal, even when overwhelming and scary.

Don’t rush your child into discussing their emotions—wait until they are comfortable doing so. When discussing your child’s emotions, tailor your conversation to their age and maturity level. Young children may think death is temporary and reversible, while slightly older children have a more realistic view of death.

Let your child’s questions guide how you respond to them, and tell the truth about your pet. Telling a child their pet “went to the farm” may set up unrealistic expectations and lead them to repress their true feelings.

Encourage your child to talk about their pet

Grieving a pet doesn’t mean forgetting about them. Remembering them can provide a child with much-needed closure and leave them with positive memories.

However, letting your child take the lead is essential—don’t force them into a conversation. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “What was your favorite thing about your pet?” or “What do you think your pet loved to do the most?"

It can be challenging for children to open up, but you can find ways to encourage them through grief activities like planting a memory garden, creating an anger jar to express hard feelings, discussing regrets with a trusted adult, and engaging in a service project.

Share your own feelings

Adults can grieve pets just as immensely as children do. After all, they provide years of companionship and have been proven to lower stress levels [*]. Sharing with your child how you feel about your pet’s death can make them feel heard and less alone.

Your child may feel anything from confusion to anger and expressing these feelings normalizes them. It also encourages them to avoid repression, which reduces the risk of developing trauma.

Create a memorial or ritual

There are many ways to honor a pet immediately after their death and even for years to come. Celebrating a pet is a healthy way for children to grieve their loss and understand the significance of their lives.

Consider hosting a memorial service for your pet with close friends and family. If you have a garden, you can dedicate an outdoor plot to them or plant a small tree in their honor.

Read books about pet loss

Reading books about grief and pet loss can help a child process their emotions. Choose age-appropriate books that match your child’s developmental level. For instance, a younger child might benefit more from a picture book, whereas older children may comprehend more detailed stories or chapter books.

Preview the book to ensure it meets your child’s emotional needs and introduce it thoughtfully. You can make it a shared activity and read it together or provide it to them as a gift. Once they’ve read the book, use it to open conversations about their pet and highlight the book’s positive themes about grieving.

Celebrate the pet’s life

Remembering a pet is a healthy way to honor them after they die. You can celebrate their lives in many creative ways, such as making a photo album or hosting an annual pet celebration day.

Another healthy way to honor your pet is to give back to other animals in need. Consider this an opportunity to give another animal a second chance at life.

What to Give a Child Who Lost a Pet

Giving a thoughtful gift to your child when they lose a pet can provide much-needed comfort. You can give them something sentimental, provide them with an experience, or suggest an outlet. Here’s what you can give your child:

• Commemorative gifts: One of the best gifts to give a child after the loss of a pet is something that commemorates them. For example, you might provide a printed photo of their pet, a locket with some of their pet’s fur preserved inside, or an embossing of their paw print in a clay mold.
• Comfort items: You can also provide comfort items like a stuffed animal in their pet’s likeness, a custom cuddle blanket featuring a design of their pet, or a memory pillow with their pet’s image on it.
• Experiential gifts: An experience to honor their pet, such as a visit to the animal shelter, is also an excellent and loving way to memorialize a child’s pet.

When to Seek Professional Help

While mental distress is normal after the loss of a pet, there may come a time when seeking professional help for your child is necessary. You should contact your child’s healthcare provider if you notice the following signs:

• Prolonged and intense grief
• Blaming themselves for their pet’s death
• Significant behavioral changes like increased aggression, extreme clinginess, and social withdrawal
• Inability to cope with daily life
• Dropping academic performance and inability to focus in school
• Ongoing physical symptoms, such as body pains, headaches, trouble sleeping, and fatigue
• Excessive focus on death or repeatedly asking questions about death
• Expressions of self-harm or suicide ideation
• Persistent denial and avoidance
• Refusing to discuss their feelings or seek comfort from trusted adults

You can contact a grief counselor with experience with children or speak to your child’s pediatrician to rule out physical symptoms. Pediatricians can also recommend mental health specialists suited to your child’s needs.

In addition, consider attending a pet loss or grief support group where your child may feel less alone and more motivated to discuss their experiences with others.

The Bottom Line

Coping with the loss of a pet can be a painful and overwhelming process, especially for a child. However, finding creative ways to memorialize their pet and celebrate the times they shared together can help them navigate the grieving process.

Does your child need additional support? Explore our grief worksheets to help them process their emotions and find comfort.

Sources:

1. Parsons L. “Child’s best friend.” Harvard Gazette, 2020
   
2. Friedmann E. “The Waltham Book of Human-Animal Interaction.” Google Books, 2013.