Helping Kids with Emotional Regulation

Big feelings are a normal part of growing up, but knowing how to handle them isn’t something kids are born knowing how to do. In fact, emotional regulation for kids is just that — a learning process.

Research shows that children who excel at managing their emotions tend to do better in school. They tend to be more focused, productive, and able to get along with peers and teachers [*].

The good news? These skills can be taught and practiced over time. Emotional regulation develops gradually, and what’s expected will look different depending on your child’s age and stage.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is a set of skills that helps kids understand, manage, and respond to their feelings in healthy ways. It’s what allows a child to calm down after getting upset, wait their turn even when they’re frustrated, or talk about feeling sad instead of acting out.

A child with developing emotional regulation who loses a game at recess might take a deep breath or talk to a friend about how they feel. On the other hand, a child who has not learned those skills yet might yell or shut down completely.

Why Some Kids Struggle With Emotional Regulation

Every child is unique, and some kids naturally have a harder time managing their emotions. One reason may be temperament — some children are more sensitive, intense, or reactive than others from a young age. Other factors like stress at home, changes in routine, trauma, developmental delays, or mental health challenges like anxiety or ADHD.

Signs a child may need more support include frequent emotional outbursts that last a long time, difficulty calming down even after a small problem, or acting out in ways that hurt themselves or others.

It’s important to know that emotional outbursts are developmentally normal at certain ages. Toddlers and preschoolers, for instance, experience tantrums because their brains are still learning how to manage big feelings. 

But if these outbursts continue into the school years, happen very often, or get in the way of everyday life — like learning, friendships, or family routines — it may signal that the child needs additional support for emotional regulation.

How to Teach Emotional Regulation Skills to Children

Teaching emotional regulation is a lot like coaching — kids need guidance and plenty of practice before they can handle challenging feelings on their own. At first, they’ll need more support, but over time, you can slowly step back.

Here are some effective ways to help your child build emotional regulation skills:

Modeling emotional regulation

One of the best ways to teach emotional regulation is by showing it yourself. Children learn how to respond to stressful situations by watching the adults around them.

If they don’t see us practicing healthy ways to handle frustration or anger, they may not know what to do when those feelings come up. Your reactions become their “blueprint.”

With younger children, you can model emotional regulation by naming your feeling and showing what you do next. For instance, when running late, you can say, “I’m going to take some deep breaths to feel calmer.” This will allow them to see the connection between emotions and healthy actions.

With older kids, you might want to share how you handle more complex stress, such as, “Work was really busy today, so I’m going to take a short walk to relax.”

Help them label their emotions

Research shows that the more children can identify and describe their feelings with words, the better equipped they are to handle those feelings in healthy ways — and this even applies to preschoolers [*].

You can support this by giving them simple tools to name their emotions. A feelings list or feelings wheel can help kids match what they’re feeling to a word or picture.

If you have a younger child, using emojis or illustrated faces can help them connect the feeling inside with an image they understand.

Teach coping strategies

The most popular and effective ones include deep breathing, counting to 10, taking a short break, using positive self-talk (“I can handle this”), and moving their body through activities like stretching, walking, or jumping in place.

Your child may naturally gravitate toward certain coping strategies over others. Some kids may prefer quiet, calming activities like deep breathing, while others rely on movement to work through their feelings.

It’s important to encourage them to try a variety of techniques to see what works best.

Practice, practice, practice

Like any skill, emotional regulation gets stronger with repetition. Help them prepare by doing “dry runs” — this entails practicing how to respond to various situations before they actually happen.

You might want to role-play what to do if a friend takes their toy, or how to handle losing a board game. Weave in emotional regulation activities, such as bubble breathing or guided imagery.

Use positive reinforcement

Celebrate your child’s progress — no matter how small — by pointing out when they’ve used a healthy coping strategy or expressed their feelings in words. Remember to praise the positive behavior you want to see more of, so they’re more likely to use that skill in the future.

Be patient

Along with positive feedback, your patience can make a big difference in your child’s emotional regulation journey. It’s not an overnight fix, and there will be setbacks along the way. There will be days when your child shows great progress, and days when it seems like they’re struggling again.

Keep encouraging their efforts, even small ones, and know that your consistency in supporting them will build a strong foundation for their personal growth.

When to Seek Professional Help

If their struggles become more frequent or intense, you may need to seek advice from a professional. Other signs include engaging in behaviors that harm themselves and others, and withdrawing from activities they used to enjoy.

A therapist or counselor can help identify underlying issues and work with your family to create a plan for your child’s needs.

The Bottom Line

Helping kids with emotional regulation is one of the most valuable gifts you can give as a parent or caregiver. The work you do every day — listening and guiding your child — is meaningful and makes a lasting impact on their future success. To help your child practice emotional regulation at home, check out our Feelings Worksheets and Coping Skills Worksheets.

FAQs About Emotional Regulation

At what age should I teach my child emotional regulation skills?

You can start teaching emotional regulation skills as early as toddlerhood, typically around ages 2 to 3. This is when children begin to recognize and express basic emotions. Young children benefit from learning simple skills like deep breathing and using words to describe their feelings.

How can I help my child regulate their emotions?

Helping your child regulate their emotions starts with co-regulation, which means supporting them by staying calm when their feelings become too overwhelming. You can also model healthy ways to cope with stress and practice those techniques together.

References:

1. Graziano, P. A., Reavis, R. D., Keane, S. P., & Calkins, S. D. (2007). The Role of Emotion Regulation and Children's Early Academic Success. Journal of School Psychology, 45(1), 3. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsp.2006.09.002
2. Grosse, G., Streubel, B., Gunzenhauser, C., & Saalbach, H. (2021). Let’s Talk About Emotions: The Development of Children’s Emotion Vocabulary from 4 to 11 Years of Age. Affective Science, 2(2), 150. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-021-00040-2