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Key Takeaways:
- Self-soothing techniques are any behavior that kids or teens engage in to calm themselves while in a state of emotional distress.
- Self-soothing behaviors are developed early in life, are habitual and repetitive, and are calming and comforting for children and adolescents.
- Some self-soothing techniques include deep breathing, journaling, mindfulness, and taking a digital detox.
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Just like adults, kids and teens often go through challenging experiences that can overwhelm them. These situations may leave them feeling anxious and unsure how to find calm. This is where self-soothing techniques come in. Here, we’ll learn what self-soothing is, its benefits, and how to practice it daily.
What is Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing is defined as “an individual's efforts or capacity to calm themselves while in a state of emotional distress [*].” In other words, it is any behavior that kids or teens use to regulate their emotions by themselves.
Self-soothing behaviors are often developed early in life. They are habitual and repetitive in nature, and most kids and adolescents find them calming or comforting. It is important to note that self-soothing behaviors can exist across the lifespan, and it is normal for adults to engage in self-soothing behaviors they developed during childhood. However, these may or may not diminish over time with self-awareness.
What are the Benefits of Self-Soothing?
Self-soothing has several benefits, including:
- Slowing impulsive urges
- Decreasing symptoms of stress, panic, and anxiety
- Encouraging independence
- Increasing tolerance for pain and distress
- Improving the ability to focus on the present
- Decreasing physical discomfort
- Reducing susceptibility to unwanted, intense emotions
- Increasing insight into emotional experiences
Self-soothing techniques are meant to be used during times of distress or emotional discomfort. They are useful when avoiding acting on impulses that may be harmful. These techniques can also distract from intense emotions, especially when problem-solving isn’t yet an option.
10 Best Self-Soothing Techniques for Kids & Teens
Here are 10 effective self-soothing techniques that kids and teens can use during times of discomfort or distress.
1. Deep Breathing
Doing breath work can reduce anxiety, stress, and other challenges. Kids and teens can induce a sense of calm in their bodies by intentionally controlling their breath. Try some breathing exercises for kids, such as 4-7-8 breathing or square breaths. Focusing on the breath activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which relaxes and soothes the body.
Related Handout: Breathing Exercises for Kids Handout
2. Journaling
Journaling is another helpful tool that can be used as a self-soothing technique. It involves writing down thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It is possible to view things differently by getting things out of one’s and onto a page.
For instance, anxious individuals may worry a lot and find that they have many thoughts rushing through their heads. This can feel overwhelming. The process of journaling can help slow down and stop thought spiraling and allow them to see things from another perspective. This can feel soothing for children and adolescents who may have a lot of things to worry about.
Related Handout: Managing Stress With Journaling Handout
3. Sensory Play
Engaging the five senses in a fun way can also be soothing for kids and teenagers. Let them immerse themselves in a sensory experience, like putting on headphones and playing their favorite music, using aromatherapy oils, or dipping their hands in a bowl of cold water.
4. Visualization
Visualization is a powerful anti-anxiety technique [*]. To do this technique, kids and teens can use mental imagery to achieve a more relaxed state of mind. Think of it as similar to daydreaming since visualization is done by using one’s imagination.
Prompt your child to visualize a calming scene and think about how it can be experienced by the five senses. What does the scene look like? Have them imagine what they can hear and smell. Ask them to think about what they can touch and taste, too. Then, when they are ready to leave their relaxation scene, they can slowly return consciousness to the present moment.
Through regular practice, kids and teens will be able to use this technique when it is necessary, such as during moments of anxiety or panic.
Related Handout: Managing Stress With Visualization Handout
5. Music
Listening to one’s favorite music is another great self-soothing method. A small study found that listening to classical music was beneficial to students with traits of anxiety [*].
Kids and teens can listen to anything they like, from classical to rock. They can even listen to peaceful, calming sounds, such as the rain, crickets, or even passing cars. As they listen, ask them to focus their attention on the details of the sounds. They can listen to the lyrics of the song or the instrumentals. When their mind wanders, they can redirect it back to whatever sound they are listening to.
Whatever kids and teens choose to listen to, music can be an effective tool for self-soothing.
Related Handout: Managing Stress With Music Handout
6. Positive Self-Talk
Talking to oneself in a gentle, positive way can also be very soothing. Kids and teens can learn to speak to themselves in a calm, grounded manner.
An example of positive self-talk might sound like, “I am noticing that I feel overwhelmed. My heart is pounding, and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I may feel anxious, but I am grounded through my feet.”
This way, your child is not trying to force themselves out of an uncomfortable experience but allowing themselves to be present with whatever is happening in the current moment.
Related Handout: Positive Self-Talk for Anxiety Worksheet
7. Mindfulness
Mindfulness for kids and teens simply refers to paying attention to what is happening right now in the present moment. There are several activities kids can try to achieve this, such as yoga, meditation, or the breathing techniques we mentioned earlier. Mindfulness is important for children and adolescents because it allows them to build confidence, cope with stress, and deal with challenging situations.
Related Handout: Managing Stress With Mindfulness
8. Exercise
Exercise doesn’t have to be extreme to be helpful and self-soothing. Even gentle, simple movements like walking around the block or doing some stretches can benefit both kids and teens. Studies have shown that exercise releases feel-good neurotransmitters, such as endorphins and dopamine [*], which makes it an excellent self-soothing technique.
Related Handout: Managing Stress With Exercise Handout
9. Grounding Exercises
Grounding exercises are activities that you can use to reduce anxiety and remain focused on the moment. Children and adolescents can start by activating their senses, which can help them feel more rooted in the present.
Some ideas for grounding exercises for kids and teens include the 5-4-3-2-1 technique and ABC around the room. Kids and teens can try other simple activities, such as holding a warm cup of tea or splashing cold water onto the face.
Related Handout: Grounding Techniques for Kids and Teens Handout
10. Digital Detox
You may wonder how social media affects teens and kids. The reality is that staying connected to devices can often feel stressful and overwhelming. By taking a digital detox or a break from phones and other gadgets, kids and teens can also take a mental break from the demands of technology.
Related Handout: Managing Stress By Taking Breaks From Technology
The Bottom Line
Self-soothing is an excellent way for kids and teens to manage stress and anxiety. Doing this regularly can help them stay mentally healthy, and these techniques can help them better manage stress, anxiety, and other emotions. Experiment with different techniques and discover which ones provide the most comfort and relief. This can ultimately help your child improve their overall well-being and develop emotional resilience.
To better manage stress and anxiety, feel free to check out our stress management worksheets and use them alongside these self-soothing techniques.
References:
- Wright J. Self-Soothing — A Recursive Intrapsychic and Relational Process: The Contribution of the Bowen Theory to the Process of Self-Soothing. March 2009.
- Nguyen J & Brymer E. Nature-Based Guided Imagery as an Intervention for State Anxiety. 2 October 2018.
- Osmanoğlu D & Yilmaz H. The Effect of Classical Music on Anxiety and Well-Being of University Students. 12 October 2019.
- Smith P & Merwin R. The Role of Exercise in Management of Mental Health Disorders: An Integrative Review. 30 November 2020.
