How to Build Confidence in Kids

Want to know how to build confidence in kids? Confidence is a foundational trait that can influence a child's development. Research shows that an individual’s confidence level varies from person to person and everyone is inherently capable of developing self-confidence [*].

Building confidence in kids may seem challenging, but it doesn't have to be complicated. Learn effective strategies to empower them to feel truly capable in various aspects of their lives.

How to Build Confidence in Kids

Kids build confidence by facing new challenges and succeeding in overcoming obstacles. However, they may not always excel in school or have positive social experiences, which can leave them feeling helpless.

That's why it's important to know how to raise a confident child. Here are 10 tips that parents and caregivers can follow.

1. Allow them to do things on their own

Letting kids complete tasks independently is a powerful way to build their self-confidence. As they take on age-appropriate responsibilities and succeed, they gain a sense of accomplishment that increases their belief in their abilities.

While kids may not always enjoy doing chores, mastering these tasks helps them feel more capable and self-reliant. Some age-appropriate tasks include:

• 2 - 3 years: Putting away toys after playtime. This simple task teaches children the importance of tidiness and responsibility.
• 4 - 5 years: Making their beds or clearing the table. These small chores help kids understand how they can contribute to their home environment.
• 6 - 7 years: Cleaning counters and sweeping the floor.
• 7 - 9 years: Washing the dishes, packing their school lunches, or assisting in meal preparation. These responsibilities allow children to develop practical life skills.
• 10 - 12 years: Cleaning the kitchen or bathroom, washing the car, or helping care for younger siblings.
• Teenagers: Running errands. This helps them develop decision-making skills and prepares them for adult responsibilities.

2. Praise their effort, not just success

Praising effort means recognizing the dedication a child puts into a task, rather than just focusing on the outcome.

For example, if a child spends a lot of time practicing their spelling words but still misses a few on the test, a parent could say, “I can see how hard you worked to learn those words! It shows you’re really trying to improve.”

According to a study, children praised for their efforts were more likely to show persistence. They enjoyed the task more, learned from their mistakes, and continued trying [*].

3. Foster a growth mindset

Children with a growth mindset tend to have higher levels of confidence because they believe their efforts can lead to improvement. On the other hand, those with a fixed mindset view challenges as threats, and as a result, they avoid risks that might expose their limitations.

Aside from teaching our children the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, we can incorporate activities such as reframing negative thoughts, engaging in small acts of kindness, and reading books that make them feel inspired.

Growth mindset quotes can also be used as quick reminders in everyday life.

4. Make failing okay

Failing is a normal part of growing up for kids. As they try new things, they will face challenges and sometimes not succeed, whether in school, sports, friendships, or other activities. Parents need to let their children know that it’s okay to fail.

Teach them about seeking lessons from failure. When they mess up, help them think about what went wrong and what they can do differently next time. This way, they learn and improve.

Even better, set an example by sharing your own experiences with failure and how you handled your challenges.

5. Set realistic goals

Realistic goals are goals that people can actually achieve based on what they can do right now, the resources they have, and their current situation.

These goals are clear and specific, easy to measure, realistic to accomplish, relevant to what they want to achieve, and set within a certain time frame. This approach is called SMART goals.

Here are a few examples of realistic goals for a child:

• I will complete my homework every day right after school for the next two weeks.
• I will practice dribbling my basketball for 15 minutes, three times a week for the next month.
• I will help set the dinner table every night for the next two weeks.

Read this blog post to discover goal-setting activities for children!

6. Allow them to try new things

New activities allow children to develop new skills and abilities. These different experiences help them find what they enjoy and are good at. When they succeed at something they like, it boosts their confidence in themselves.

Here’s how to build your child’s confidence as they explore new things:

• Suggest different hobbies, sports, or interests. It could be trying a new sport, learning an instrument, or joining a club!
• Remind them it's okay to mess up when trying something new, and each mistake helps them become stronger and better.
• Celebrate your child's efforts and progress, no matter how big or small their improvements are. This sends the message that progress is important.

7. Model confidence

Yes, parents can model confidence for their children!

One way to do this is by demonstrating that you approach difficult situations calmly and optimistically. It shows them that problems can be solved.

Another tip is to handle mistakes gracefully. When you make a mistake, avoid reacting with frustration or engaging in negative self-talk. Instead, acknowledge the mistake, focus on what can be learned from it, and show a willingness to try again.

8. Provide constructive feedback

Not all feedback is equal, and parents need to give constructive feedback. Constructive feedback is positive and helpful — it focuses on what a child can do to improve, rather than just pointing out what they did wrong.

Feedback that is constructive makes children feel supported rather than criticized. On the other hand, harsh feedback can lead to feelings of frustration and self-doubt, which can damage a child’s confidence.

9. Encourage social interactions

Parents can help their children meet and interact with other kids by setting up playdates, joining group activities, or attending community events. The more kids practice being around others, the more their confidence grows.

This is because social interactions give kids opportunities to learn important skills, like sharing, cooperating, and communicating. The more they practice these skills, the more comfortable they feel when they’re around people.

Moreover, spending time with different groups of children exposes your kid to fun times and challenges. Over time, they also become less fearful of rejection or judgment, which boosts their resilience.

10. Love them no matter what

“Love them no matter what” means providing unconditional love and support, regardless of their success and failures in life. It’s a powerful reminder that a child’s worth is not tied to their behavior or choices.

According to research involving children in a psychiatric hospital, those who felt they had less support from their family and friends often showed more withdrawn behavior and felt more hopeless. On the other hand, those who had strong support from their family and friends had better emotional health [*].

Parents can start by actively listening to their child’s thoughts and concerns whenever they express themselves. Also, show daily affection through hugs, high-fives, or kind words!

The Bottom Line

Learning how to build a child’s confidence takes time and consistency. As parents and caregivers, we can nurture this through activities, books, and our daily interactions. It’s important not to give up, even when their progress seems slow.

In addition to everyday support, seeking therapy resources can also be helpful.

On that note, we recommend checking out our self-esteem worksheets collection. These worksheets can be used in various settings, such as at home, in school, or during therapy sessions! Here, they can discover coping skills, positive affirmations, and more.

References:

1. Sarkowi, Sarkowi & Widat, Faizatul & Wadifah, Nur & Rohmatika, Desy. (2023). Increasing Children's Self-Confidence through Parenting: Management Perspective. Jurnal Obsesi : Jurnal Pendidikan Anak Usia Dini. 7. 3097-3106. 10.31004/obsesi.v7i3.4208
2. Glerum, J., Loyens, S. M. M., Wijnia, L., & Rikers, R. M. J. P. (2019). The effects of praise for effort versus praise for intelligence on vocational education students. Educational Psychology, 40(10), 1270–1286. https://doi.org/10.1080/01443410.2019.1625306
3. Kashani, J. H., Canfield, L. A., Borduin, C. M., Soltys, S. M., & Reid, J. C. (1994). Perceived family and social support: impact on children. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 33(6), 819–823. https://doi.org/10.1097/00004583-199407000-00007