Learning to validate yourself is important, and so is teaching children to validate themselves. It’s human nature to want appreciation for a job well done—even have our feelings affirmed.
Here lies the problem: When our kids heavily depend on external validation for their worth, they become vulnerable to perfectionism in an attempt to avoid rejection.
Research shows that reliance on online interactions (social media) to validate one's sense of self can potentially lead to increased sadness, reduced psychological health, and lowered self-esteem.
How to Strengthen Your Child’s Self-Validation Skills
Validate Feelings Without Judgement. Start with validating your child’s feelings without judging them. Let them know that it’s normal to feel upset, sad, or angry. Try a feelings chart or daily feelings check-in to help your child get used to identifying their feelings.
Be Mindful of Your Own Language. Be mindful of the language you use when talking about yourself and others. In other words, model kind and encouraging self-talk. Kids often pick up on how we speak even when we don’t think they’re listening.
Emphasize Kind Self-Talk. Encourage them to speak kindly to themselves, especially when they experience setbacks. I emphasize to my clients that our mind will always believe and be influenced by our inner dialogue, so try to make it as encouraging as possible.
Teach Them Self-Care. Regular and intentional self-care reminds children that their physical and mental well-being is important. When they take the time to meet their self-care needs, they are more likely to engage in self-talk that is self-validating. Activities like journaling, exercise, taking breaks, and pursuing hobbies communicate that their needs matter.
If you’d like to explore more techniques for your child or teen to embrace their value from within, our Growth Mindset and Healthy Habits resources offer practical exercises!
*This article was originally published in our email newsletter on March 4, 2025.
