Teaching Your Child to Deal with Failure

It's understandable that as parents, our natural instinct is to shield our children from any disappointment. I remember working with a parent who shared how she immediately called her son’s baseball coach when her child failed to make the school baseball team, and demanded that their child be given a spot.

Failure brings a range of uncomfortable emotions like embarrassment and regret. However, teaching  your child to deal with failure can actually build their resilience. We need to help them understand that these experiences are not always a bad thing.

How to Teach Your Child Healthy Responses to Failure

Findings from an EEG study revealed that school children who embrace a growth mindset aren’t afraid to make mistakes. They are more likely to persist in the face of obstacles during the learning process.

When children keep trying, their likelihood of eventually mastering a skill or learning material increases!

4 Ways to Teach Your Child to Deal with Failure and Succeed

1. Be Open To Failure

When teaching your child to deal with failure, the first step is to actually allow them to experience failure. Whether it’s a missed goal in soccer, a poor grade on a test, or not making the school play—these events are necessary for growth.  I talk to kids about welcoming failure with the belief that something good will come from the experience.

2. Reflect On The Experience

Next is to talk to your child about their experience. Ask them how they feel, what they think went wrong, and what they can do differently next time. Mistakes and failures can be our best teachers if we seek and discover the valuable lessons they present to us.

3. Set Goals To Improve

Goal setting is a critical skill that not only helps kids focus on something other than the mistake or failure, but it also can prompt them to take action to improve their situation. This is where growth begins.  Check out our Goal Setting Tips handout for ideas.

4. Stay Positive

Optimism has been shown to help people be more resilient through setbacks.  Encouraging self-talk such as “I know I can master anything if I practice,” and self-love affirmations, such as “There are so many incredible things that my body can do” help them develop a positive self-image while working toward their goals.

The good thing is that optimism, goal setting, and a growth mindset are all learnable qualities. As caring adults, we each can do our part to teach our child to deal with failure by giving them tools to build their resilience.

*This article was originally published in our email newsletter on March 18, 2025.