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Raising a toddler is no easy feat. Sometimes, they cry, scream, kick, and even bite! As a parent, it can be frustrating when your child can’t communicate using words. Toddler behavior issues are a normal part of life, but sometimes they can get out of hand.
Learn what behavioral issues in toddlers are normal and discover the signs that something might be wrong.
Toddlers often test limits, and it isn’t uncommon for them to engage in challenging behaviors. They might become defiant and clingy, but these are normal parts of development. Here are a few seemingly worrisome behaviors that are actually quite normal.
Temper tantrums are common among children between the ages of 1 and 3, as they don’t yet possess the ability to express themselves verbally [*]. When children are tired, hungry, or sleepy and can’t communicate this, they tend to become frustrated and lash out.
Sometimes, having a visual way to talk about feelings can help toddlers and preschoolers express themselves. Here is a feelings thermometer chart you can use with them when they are upset.
They can point to the emoji that matches their current emotion, then choose from activity suggestions to help them feel better.
Parents should note that temper tantrums typically slow down by age 2, and most children completely outgrow severe tantrums by age 3 or 4 [*].
Between the ages of 2 and 3, children start loving the word “no.” They might outwardly refuse simple requests even when they mean yes as a form of testing control and practicing independence.
Remember, your child is likely just trying to see how far they can push boundaries. It may help to give them limited choices (for example, choosing between a blue and red jacket), as this encourages them to think versus simply blurting out another “no.”
Missing a parent when separated is common in toddlers. A child might cry or run after a parent when they see them leaving as a sign of strong attachment. It’s most common to see separation anxiety in children between 15 and 18 months through age 3, and especially when they’re starting preschool [*].
Fortunately, consistent routines can reduce separation anxiety. Eventually, children become less clingy when they anticipate predictable transitions.
One strategy in our separation anxiety coping skills handout is to keep the same routine at the same time each day. For example, when your child starts preschool, you might drop them off around 8:00 a.m. each morning and use the same goodbye routine, such as sharing a special hug and reminding them that you’ll be back after school.
The handout also includes other simple coping strategies to help children feel more comfortable with separation.
Hitting, biting, and throwing aren’t always out of the ordinary, but they can be alarming. When toddlers experience big emotions and can’t express themselves through words, they might demonstrate physical frustration.
Isolated incidents are normal, but parents should be firm if the behavior becomes more frequent. Keep it simple by telling your child, “No. Hitting hurts.”
Parents can also model simple anger coping strategies for their child. Our anger coping skills for kids handout includes ideas such as taking a break from the situation and taking deep breaths.
Depending on your child’s understanding, you might step away briefly when you feel frustrated or take a few slow breaths beside them to show them another way to respond to big feelings.
Positive and consistent discipline is the key to managing typical toddler behavior issues at home. Most experts favor positive reinforcement over punishment, as it encourages children to continue good habits.
The first step is setting clear, consistent rules and boundaries. Keep it simple, such as “Speak kindly to others” and “Always take turns when playing.” If your child has made a mistake, take the time to explain. Use calm words and actions to show your child what behaviors you expect of them.
When your child behaves well, offer specific praise. For example, you might say, “It was very nice of you to ask to borrow your sister’s toys!” Positive reinforcement encourages children to repeat good behaviors.
You should also model good behavior, as children often imitate their parents. Show them what it looks like to take turns and ask for something nicely.
You can also consider setting up a small, quiet corner at home where your child can take a break when they experience overwhelming feelings. This calm-down space can give them a familiar place to slow down.
Our calm down corner handout shares more ideas to help you create a space that supports coping skills.
Again, while the occasional tantrum or whining is typical, there may come a point where your child’s behavior seems out of control. Here are some signs it might be time to intervene.
If you’ve noticed your child’s aggressive outbursts becoming frequent, intense, or prolonged, it may be time to consult your pediatrician. Aggressive toddler behaviors you’ll want to flag include leaving marks on others, kicking, or destroying toys.
Many toddlers will cycle their moods, which can sometimes look like “mood swings.” However, a child being passive and withdrawn may signal a deeper issue. Toddlers who are always unsatisfied might be showing signs of early anxiety and depression.
Sometimes, toddlers regress by wetting the bed or crying, which is common during transitional periods or when they have new siblings. However, it can be concerning when a child’s regressive behaviors become a new norm. Spot signs like constantly needing a diaper, thumb-sucking, being overly clingy, or not talking.
If your child is already talking and suddenly stops or takes a while to develop their speech, it could be a sign of a developmental delay. If a child doesn’t express their interests or fails to engage in play, it may be helpful to schedule a developmental screening.
If you’re generally concerned or notice your toddler is acting significantly out of character, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Start by consulting your child’s pediatrician. Bring up your concerns in detail—give examples of your child’s behavior, the frequency of this behavior, and how this behavior affects those around them.
If your child’s pediatrician notices signs of depression or anxiety, they may refer you to a mental health specialist.
Worried about your child’s development? The CDC offers Early Intervention programs that can address delays in communication, motor skills, and socialization.
While managing misbehavior is a core solution to your child’s potential development problems, supporting them goes beyond stopping tantrums and providing comfort.
As a parent, it’s vital to help your child grow emotionally. One of the foundations of an emotionally developed child is a strong emotional vocabulary. When your child experiences big emotions, help them learn words for these feelings. Start simple with words like “sad,” “mad,” or “tired.”
Use worksheets like a Feelings Wheel to help your child learn to label their emotions. Remember to validate your child’s feelings—recognize that what they’re going through is real.
From here, you can start building empathy. If you’re with your child in a social setting, such as at the park or after school, try people-watching. Ask your child to observe facial expressions and body language. You can also do this at home while giving your child simple tasks to help out. For instance, if they see that their friend or sibling looks hurt, encourage your child to ask them what’s wrong and how they can help.
Finally, tie everything together with the right coping skills. For instance, you can introduce a simple calming routine like star breathing or positive daily affirmations. Encourage them to go to you or a trusted adult when they’re experiencing big emotions.
Remind them that it’s safer and healthier to express their feelings with words rather than through physical outbursts. If your child seems to need a physical outlet, offer one. For instance, if your child is feeling angry, they can try screaming into a pillow, doing jumping jacks, or practicing other anger coping skills.
All toddlers engage in some form of defiance, clinginess, and unwanted behavior—it’s a normal part of growing up! Through calm and consistent parenting, positive discipline, and clear rules, you can help prevent behavioral issues in toddlers.
With calm, consistent parenting and clear boundaries, parents can help toddlers learn that big feelings are okay. Helping toddlers put words to their emotions is a good place to start.
The feelings and emotions worksheet bundle provides a variety of activities for exploring emotions and building healthy coping skills.
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