How to Help Your Child with Social Anxiety at School

Recently, I met with a concerned parent who opened up about their child’s struggles with social anxiety in the school environment. This has encouraged me to pass on some tips to help parents support their child with social anxiety at school.

The parent explained that their 13-year-old  has been increasingly anxious about social situations. He'd refuse to participate in class discussions, eat lunch alone in the cafeteria, and avoid group projects with classmates.

Social anxiety or “social phobia” is more common in kids and teens than we might think. 

Recent research shows that anxiety disorders are the most common psychiatric conditions in kids and teens, and that social anxiety disorder ranks high on the list of common anxiety disorders. Additional research shows that social anxiety disorder usually starts either in early childhood (before age 10) or during the teen years (14-17), with many kids beginning to show signs around age 13.

How School Environments Trigger Social Anxiety

Kids who struggle with social anxiety are often worried that they might say or do something embarrassing in front of others. This is particularly challenging in the school environment where peer interaction is constant and unavoidable. This might cause them to withdraw from others to avoid being scrutinized or rejected.  Yes, social anxiety isn’t simply a case of "shyness" or "nervousness." It’s a real mental health condition that needs proper treatment.

Coping Strategies To Manage Symptoms and Build Confidence at School

In my therapy work, I focus on helping kids with social anxiety do the following:

1. Identify Social Anxiety Triggers. When kids start by identifying their triggers, they can create a plan to cope during moments when a trigger arises. Common school triggers include raising their hand in class, giving a presentation, or joining conversations with peers.
2. Notice Irrational Thoughts. Such as "Everyone will laugh at me if I say the wrong answer” or “No one will want to sit with me at lunch.” I also encourage them to begin challenging these thoughts with the help of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
3. Social Anxiety Coping Skills. Taking action to practice social anxiety coping skills is always very challenging, but extremely important so that kids can eventually engage more comfortably during interactions.  

Here is an additional handout that includes social anxiety coping statements that some kids find useful. 

Supporting a child with social anxiety at school requires a strong support system, early intervention, and access to mental health resources. Working with teachers and school counselors can provide additional support during the school day.

*This article was originally published in our email newsletter on March 11, 2025.