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Key Takeaways:
- Children might worry excessively as a result of a traumatic upbringing, bullying among peers, or living in an unsafe environment.
- A child who worries too much might fear going to school, become antisocial, show physical signs of anxiety, or feel constantly irritable.
- You can help your child overcome their worries by talking about their feelings, finding balance in daily life, setting realistic expectations, or consulting with a professional.
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As kids grow older, they face dozens of new experiences—starting school, making friends, dabbling in sports, and adopting new hobbies. These new experiences are exciting but can also be worrisome, so knowing what to do when your child worries too much can make them more confident and self-reliant.
Worry isn’t always bad—it protects us when we’re in danger. But overcoming issues with worrying too much can help prevent problems with anxiety in the future.
Excessive Worrying in Children
It’s normal for kids to feel worried. For example, infants might feel anxious around strangers because they only start to recognize faces at eight and nine months old [*]. Parents must learn how to manage separation anxiety when infants become toddlers (between one and three years) and start attending school.
The older a child becomes, the more they experience new and scary sensations like social anxiety or fear that “bad” people may hurt them. Social anxiety may become more prominent during a child’s teen years when they start worrying about their appearance and school performance [*].
Related Handout: Social Anxiety Coping Skills
Common Causes Excessive Worrying in Children
Some kids worry because they are naturally sensitive, but anxiousness can also stem from traumatic experiences and significant life events, such as the following:
- A death in the family
- Living in an unsafe environment
- Parents getting divorced
- Socioeconomic struggles
- Frequently moving
- Bullying, abuse, or neglect
Fear is a natural part of growing up, so it can be difficult to pinpoint the primary cause of childhood anxiety. However, extreme worrying can develop into an anxiety disorder if left untreated [*]. Remember to check in with your child periodically, especially if their worrying disrupts their daily lives.
Signs That a Child is Worrying Too Much
While it’s normal for children to worry, crippling anxiety can quickly become intrusive and affect their thoughts and behaviors. Below are a few signs that your child might be worrying too much:
- They are unable to concentrate at home and in school.
- They have trouble sleeping or staying asleep and are groggy throughout the day.
- They are always angry, irritable, or impatient.
- They are extremely clingy and struggle to be left alone.
- They are always tense, fidgeting, or pacing.
- They engage in negative self-talk and have trouble being positive about certain outcomes.
What to Do When Your Child Worries Too Much
As a parent or caregiver, it can be painful to watch your child struggle with excessive worry. However, you won’t always be there to protect them from stressors, so the next best plan is to equip them. Here’s how you can help your child overcome worrisome thoughts and habits.
Ask and listen
Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, but avoid leading questions. Suppose your child has test anxiety, instead of being suggestive by asking, “Are you feeling anxious about your upcoming test?” ask them, “How do you feel about your upcoming test?” Asking open-ended questions allows them to label and express their feelings accurately.
The most important part of the ask-and-listen process is to validate your child’s feelings. Reassure them that their emotions are normal and even expected, but don’t reinforce their fears.
Try exposure therapy
You can’t protect your child forever, and they cannot avoid their triggers indefinitely. While eliminating triggers can be a positive solution, it’s temporary and may even reinforce their fears in the long run.
Let’s say your child wants to try out for their school’s choir but is too afraid they won’t pass the audition. Avoiding the tryout to avoid failure won’t get them anywhere. Instead, you can dedicate time in your day to help them practice or teach them coping mechanisms like positive affirmations for self-confidence.
Make positive and realistic expectations
Fears aren’t born out of nowhere; your child may have a good reason to feel worried or afraid. After all, they can’t ace every test or win a badminton game every time—that’s just life! What you can do is reassure them that these are everyday things to worry about and that if they fail a test or lose a game, they can always do better next time.
Teach your child to develop realistic expectations so they aren’t biting off more than they can chew. For example, they can break goals into more straightforward, smaller tasks or start learning a new skill at a lower level.
Be a role model
One of the best ways to help your child manage their anxiety is to show them the ropes. Kids are perceptive, so if you know how to compose yourself in the face of stress, they will learn to follow suit.
With that in mind, kids should have realistic expectations for handling stress when they’re older. Be honest with them when you are struggling, but remind them they can overcome these challenges patiently and with tolerance.
Find balance
Worry happens when children lack a balanced perspective of life. Thinking in extremes (black-or-white thinking) can make it impossible to find the middle ground. Without balance, children might obsess over resolving their worries and neglect other aspects of their lives, such as self-care, home responsibilities, or school.
Encourage your child to take time away from their worries in the following ways:
- Set a “worry schedule.” It might seem counterintuitive, but encouraging your child to set a time and place for worrying can train them to use their time more productively. For instance, they can set aside ten minutes after school to place their worries into a worry jar. Once their worry time is over, they can focus on more productive tasks.
- Ask your child to reflect on whether their worries are in their control. Are they worried about something realistic or probable? Are their worries unproductive? If the worry is in their control, spend time brainstorming solutions. If it isn’t, accept the uncertainty and learn to let go!
- Find ways to relieve tension through mindfulness exercises, sports, yoga, or creative outlets.
When to Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, worrying doesn’t improve and can lead to an anxiety disorder. You should seek professional help if you notice the following signs in your child:
- Inability to fulfill daily responsibilities
- Refusing to attend school
- Alienating oneself from friends
- Avoiding tasks and hobbies for fear of failure
- Demonstrating physical signs of anxiety like tremors, trouble sleeping, rapid weight gain/loss, or frequent trips to the bathroom
- Inability to sit still or relax for prolonged periods
The Bottom Line
Worrying is a natural part of life—kids do it, and so do adults! However, it doesn’t have to become disruptive. You can help your child take control of their worries by practicing calming activities for anxiety.
For additional resources to help your child manage worries and anxiety feel free to explore our collection of anxiety worksheets specifically designed for kids and teens.
Sources:
- Matthews CM, Mondloch CJ, Lewis-Dennis F, Laurence S. “Children’s ability to recognize their parent’s face improves with age.” Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 2022.
- Gallagher M, Prinstein MJ, Simon V, Spirito A. “Social Anxiety Symptoms and Suicidal Ideation in a Clinical Sample of Early Adolescents: Examining Loneliness and Social Support as Longitudinal Mediators.” Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 2014.
- Goodwin H, Yiend J, Hirsch CR. “Generalized Anxiety Disorder, worry and attention to threat: A systematic review.” Clinical Psychology Review, 2017.
