What is Positive Parenting?

Every parent wants to be the best caregiver they can be. However, as all parents know, there is no step-by-step manual for parenthood, and making the right decisions can only be learned through experience. Fortunately, many types of parenting styles exist. Positive parenting provides a framework for how to make those positive changes in your family’s daily life. Here, we’ll cover positive parenting, its benefits, the skills you’ll learn, and some examples.

What is Positive Parenting?

Positive parenting is a parenting style in which parents focus on their children’s strengths instead of trying to correct their weaknesses. This parenting style is also often called strength-based parenting.

Positive parenting is based on the work of renowned Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler. He introduced the positive discipline approach, emphasizing the need for human beings to feel a sense of belonging [*]. When children feel connected to those around them and have a responsive and interactive environment, they are more likely to thrive.

Positive Parenting Benefits

Many benefits come from positive parenting. They include the following:

• Sets a positive example for children
• Enhances mutual respect
• Helps children perform better at school
• Children have fewer behavioral problems
• Improves mental health
• Encourages a better and stronger bond between parents and children
• Better communication
• Higher self-esteem and happiness for children
• Reduces negative behavior

Positive Parenting Techniques - PRIDE Skills

Positive parenting strategies include what are called PRIDE skills. Let’s go through them one by one.

Praise

Praise is a fundamental aspect of positive parenting. Praising your child shows them that you approve of their behavior. There are two types of raise: labeled and unlabeled. Labeled praises are specific, while unlabeled praises are general. One example of unlabeled praise is “Great job!” while labeled praise might be “Great job for putting a lot of effort into your homework today.”

It is helpful to use labeled praises, especially when you catch your children doing the opposite of undesirable behaviors. For instance, your child may have a problem with hitting his younger sibling. You can offer labeled praise whenever you catch them “using gentle hands.” This technique can reduce problematic behaviors and increase the desired behavior. Labeled praises can also increase children’s self-esteem.

Reflection

A reflection is when you paraphrase what your child shares with you. Depending on their language development, you may give them the words entirely, provide the words correctly, or switch them up so that it is less evident that you are simply repeating what they are sharing with you. Prioritizing being in the moment with your child this way is also an example of mindful parenting.

For example, if your one-year-old points to their milk bottle, you are giving your child the words entirely by reflecting back, “You want your milk. You must be thirsty!”

Another example in which you give the words correctly is if your child calls his toy car green when it is red. You might reflect back with, “You are playing with your red car.”

You may also switch up your words depending on your child’s level of understanding. If your 6-year-old says, “Sarah was mean to me. She hit me because I picked the dolls she wanted to play with.” You may reflect back with, “It sounds like Sarah was quite rough with you today during playtime just because you had a doll she wanted.”

Reflections not only teach babies and toddlers how to talk but also validate your children and remind them that what they say is important and valid. This may be one of the many techniques or tips you can use for parenting an anxious child. This technique of back-and-forth talking also strengthens your child’s language skills [*].

Imitation

Imitation is a skill where parents imitate their children’s positive behaviors to show approval and make them feel important. This skill only applies when children are exhibiting desirable behaviors, such as playing nicely with their peers. Imitation promotes cooperation and positive behavior and is very helpful for children with specific needs, such as highly sensitive children.

Description

When describing behavior, parents point out positive behaviors. It helps to think of your behavioral descriptions as a sports announcer narrating a game or match. You essentially tell your child and other people present about the positive things you saw your child say or do.

For example, you could say, “I saw you watering the plants in the garden. They were thirsty and needed it, and they look so much greener already!” Such behavioral descriptions promote self-awareness and an awareness of others.

Enjoyment

The last skill is quite simple: parents should show that they are having an enjoyable time with their child. This can be done through verbal or non-verbal cues. For example, you might say, “I’m having so much fun playing with you. You are so creative!” Non-verbal communication might look like smiling at your child when they do something positive.

Showing enjoyment creates a warm bond between parent and child.

Positive Parenting Examples

Let's go through some examples to better illustrate what positive parenting looks like.

Example 1. Your child is throwing something at their younger sibling. Instead of yelling, “No throwing! Go sit in time out!” you might say, “Throwing is not safe. I am going to put this toy away to keep things safe. We can try again with it tomorrow.”

Example 2. Your children are getting into a fight. Instead of saying, “That’s enough! Both of you go to your rooms,” you might say, “It’s really hard to have you two playing together right now. We will play separately for 20 minutes and then try again.”

These examples also have characteristics of similar parenting styles, such as gentle parenting. Rather than using a punitive and authoritarian approach, positive and gentle parenting styles are more warm and authoritative.

Positive Parenting Challenges

Positive parenting is not without its challenges. Here are some of the difficulties parents might encounter when using this approach.

• The pressure to be perfect. Just like other parents, positive parents might face pressure to be perfect. This is especially because positive parenting is associated with good outcomes in children. Parents doing this approach may feel as if they can’t mess up or end up comparing themselves to other families. This may contribute to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
• Struggling for balance. Another challenge of positive parenting is maintaining balance. With endless responsibilities and busy schedules, it can feel like there’s no time for self-care and quality time with our families. You can practice self-compassion by using our worksheet on self-forgiveness as you work hard to balance your many responsibilities of being a parent.
• Dealing with difficult behavior. Children may often exhibit challenging behaviors; sometimes, you may even notice signs that your child doesn’t respect you. This requires patience, understanding, and effective discipline strategies, and it may feel frustrating when parents fall short at times.

Positive Parenting Tips

To hone your positive parenting skills, try these tips.

• Provide your child with plenty of nurturing physical attention. It may seem simple, but children appreciate hugs, holding hands, and cuddling. Show them the affection that they want. If they aren’t as affectionate, that’s okay. Figure out how they like to show love and mirror that.
• Do not feed their emotional outbursts. If your child misbehaves, the best thing to do is keep your composure and give them clear instructions to stop misbehaving and what to do instead. Use labeled praise if they stop.
• Set realistic expectations. Instead of trying to be the ideal positive parent and expecting perfectly behaved children all the time, set more realistic expectations. Expect that things will not go according to plan sometimes, but be a little more flexible. Aim for good parenting rather than perfect parenting.
• Remember to give your child positive attention. Children need positive attention from their parents. If they do not receive it, then they will seek out any kind of attention, especially negative attention, rather than being ignored. Remember to communicate with and be attentive to your child.
• Parent by example. Your children will look to you as their primary example of what to do and what not to do. If you make poor decisions in your behavior, then you are giving them permission to act the same way. In fact, studies have shown that parenting behavior is significantly positively associated with children’s prosocial behavior [*], so make sure to check in with yourself at all times.

The Bottom Line

Positive parenting is an excellent way to approach parenting. Whether you are trying to follow certain rules when parenting an angry child or simply want to raise your children in a healthier way, this approach provides a good framework for raising children who are loved, valued, and empowered. Keep in mind that every child is unique, so finding the right parenting strategy will depend on your family’s needs and preferences. Try this approach and other parenting styles to see which one is the best fit.

Feel free to browse our collection of feelings worksheets to support your child’s social-emotional development while on your positive parenting journey.

References:

1. Carroll P. Effectiveness of Positive Discipline Parenting Program on Parenting Style, and Child Adaptive Behavior. 3 July 2021.
2. Romeo R, Leonard J, Robinson S, et al. Beyond the 30-Million-Word Gap: Children's Conversational Exposure Is Associated With Language-Related Brain Function. May 2018.
3. van der Storm L, van Lissa C, Lucassen N, et al. Maternal and Paternal Parenting and Child Prosocial Behavior: A Meta-Analysis Using a Structural Equation Modeling Design. 21 May 2021.