What is Gentle Parenting?

As parents, we don’t always have it all figured out. Some of us were raised with strict rules, while others grew up with very little guidance. You may have heard of gentle parenting, or it might be totally new to you. So, what is gentle parenting?

This parenting approach focuses on understanding your child’s feelings, setting healthy boundaries, and building a strong connection. But just like any parenting style, it has its ups and downs.

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at both the benefits and the challenges — and share tips to help you have a more successful gentle parenting experience if you decide it’s the right fit for your family.

What is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting is a way of raising kids that focuses on empathy, respect, and connection. Instead of using fear or punishment to control behavior, gentle parenting encourages understanding your child’s emotions and helping them learn from their mistakes [*].

Simply put, gentle parenting is about working with your child, not against them. It is built on 4 key ideas:

• Empathy: Understanding how your child feels and what they might be going through.
  
• Respect: Treating your child the way you’d want to be treated.
  
• Boundaries: Setting firm but fair rules to help kids feel safe and learn right from wrong.
• Connection: Building a strong and trusting relationship. 

Unlike more traditional parenting methods, which may rely on strict rules or punishment, someone using a gentle parenting style might tell a child who just threw a toy in anger, “I see you’re really upset. Let’s talk about what you’re feeling and find a better way to handle it.”

Or, if a child refuses to put on their shoes, instead of shouting or forcing them, a gentle parent might kneel down and say, “I know you don’t feel like getting ready right now. But we need to leave soon. Would you like to choose which shoes to wear?”

What are the Pros and Cons of Gentle Parenting?

Like any parenting style, gentle parenting has its strengths and challenges. Although it can lead to a stronger relationship with your child and encourage healthy emotional development, it also demands patience, time, and consistency.

Here are the pros and cons of gentle parenting:

Stronger emotional bond and secure attachment

One of the biggest benefits of gentle parenting is the strong bond it helps create between parent and child. Kids who feel heard, respected, and supported are more likely to trust their caregivers. Gentle parenting sends this message: “Your feelings are okay, and I’m here to help you through them.”

Better emotional intelligence and self-regulation

Instead of just being told what not to do, children in gentle parenting households learn why certain behaviors aren’t okay. They also learn how to handle their emotions whenever they feel overwhelmed or frustrated.

This happens through calm conversations you have with them, problem-solving, and naming emotions in the moment.

Promotes positive discipline and cooperation

Contrary to what some may believe, gentle parenting does not mean avoiding discipline. In fact, discipline is a key part of this approach — it just looks different from traditional punishment.

Gentle parenting uses positive discipline, which focuses on teaching the child rather than punishing them. The goal is to help them understand the impact of their actions and learn better ways to behave, rather than simply feeling bad or afraid.

This type of discipline also encourages cooperation. Since they know their voice matters, they’re more likely to listen and follow your instructions.

Very time‑ and energy‑intensive for parents

Although gentle parenting builds long-term trust and emotional regulation, it can be deeply demanding — especially at the moment. One of the reasons is that it requires adults to manage their own reactions before addressing the child’s.

Moreover, children don’t learn from one conversation. This means you need to show up consistently, with compassion, even when a behavior repeats.

Risk of being perceived (or practiced) as overly permissive

Because gentle parenting avoids harsh discipline, some may mistake it for letting kids do whatever they want. It’s important to remember that being gentle doesn’t mean being passive. Kids still require consistent rules. The difference lies in delivering them.

May not suit all children or preparations for real-world structures

Not all kids respond the same way. Some children may do better with more direct instruction. Critics of gentle parenting argue that it may fall short in preparing children for real-world settings, such as classrooms and workplaces that may be more rigid.

In such cases, parents may need to let the child know that while their home is a safe and understanding space, other environments might feel different.

Tips for a Successful Gentle Parenting Experience

Gentle parenting sounds great in theory — but what does it actually look like in real life? The truth is, it takes a lot of intention and follow-through. If you’re trying to make this approach work in your home, here are some gentle parenting techniques that may help:

Set clear boundaries and expectations

Kids feel safer and make healthy choices when they know what to expect [*]. It’s important to communicate what’s okay and what isn’t — but make sure to do it in a calm but confident tone.

Once the boundary is clear, you can offer your child age-appropriate choices within that boundary. For example, if play time is over and it’s time to clean up, you might say, “Do you want to pick up the blocks first or the crayons?”

Involve family members and caregivers

Explain your parenting philosophy to grandparents, other family members, and babysitters. Using different approaches, such as harsh discipline or ignoring emotional needs, can create confusion and slow your child’s progress.

Model desired behaviors

Children are always watching and learning from us. If you want your child to be calm in speaking, expressing their feelings, and solving problems, make sure you show them how. Model the gentle parenting tone and strategies yourself, even in interactions with adults.

Stay calm and composed

It’s easy to lose patience when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or stretched thin from the demands of daily life. This is why managing your own emotions is such an important part of gentle parenting. Before reacting, take a moment to pause and breathe.

If needed, it’s okay to step away for a moment to collect yourself. This not only protects your relationship but also shows your child a powerful example of self-regulation.

Be consistent

Predictability builds trust in relationships. That’s why consistency is key in gentle parenting.

For example, if your child refuses to turn off the TV when asked, your response should be steady every time: Acknowledge the feeling (“I know it’s hard to stop watching your show”), name the boundary (“But it’s time to turn it off now”), and guide them toward a solution (“Would you like to turn it off yourself, or should I help you do it?”)

Be patient with the process

Gentle parenting is not always easy. There will be days when it feels like nothing is working. But that’s okay. Change doesn’t happen overnight — not for your child, and not for you. Remember to give yourself grace as you grow alongside your child.

Is Gentle Parenting the Right Parenting Style for You?

Gentle parenting is not a one-size-fits-all approach — and that’s okay. Before deciding if it’s the right fit, it helps to reflect on your values, your child’s temperament, and your current family dynamics.

Are you drawn to a more connected, respectful relationship with your child? Are you willing to practice emotional regulation and prioritize long-term growth over short-term obedience? These are key parts of the gentle parenting mindset.

If you’re curious about gentle parenting but feel unsure where to begin, you don’t have to overhaul your whole approach overnight. Start by testing it out in small moments. This includes offering choices instead of commands or practicing staying calm during a power struggle.

The Bottom Line

Gentle parenting does require time, energy, and emotional awareness — but the long-term payoff can be a stronger bond, better communication, and a more peaceful family dynamic. This might be worth exploring if you’re looking to support your child’s emotional development in a kind way.

To help you along the way, we’ve created a full collection of printable mental health worksheets for kids and teens.

References:

1. Walters, Anne. (2024). Gentle Parenting: A new parenting approach?. The Brown University Child and Adolescent Behavior Letter. 40. 8-8. 10.1002/cbl.30800.
2. Kranzler, Brooke & Brotherson, Sean & Zehnacker, Geoffrey & Hoffman, Meagan. (2021). Boundaries: A Boundary Setting and Social Competence Program for Parents and Youth. Journal of Human Sciences and Extension. 9. 229-252. 10.54718/JSXI4975.