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Key Takeaways:
- Sometimes called child-led parenting, gentle parenting is a parenting style that aims to raise children through the core principles of respect, empathy, understanding, and setting healthy boundaries.
- Gentle parenting involves positive discipline rather than traditional punishment.
- Parents can implement the gentle parenting approach by understanding their own emotions, modeling good behaviors, and being consistent with rules.
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All parents are faced with the most challenging task from the moment they have their young ones, which is how to parent their child in the best way. And in the internet age, parents are likely to find a plethora of child-rearing advice, which can be quite overwhelming.
Some of you might have heard of different parenting styles and asked, “What is gentle parenting?” Here, we’ll discuss what the gentle parenting style is, the benefits it provides, and some examples and tips in case you decide to use this approach.
What is Gentle Parenting?
Sometimes called child-led parenting, gentle parenting is a parenting style that aims to raise happy, confident, and independent children through respect, empathy, understanding, and setting healthy boundaries. While traditional parenting styles focus on reward and punishment for good or bad behavior, gentle parenting focuses on a child’s self-awareness and understanding of their own behavior.
Core Principles of Gentle Parenting
The gentle parenting method comprises four main elements, which are required to fully practice the gentle parenting technique. We’ll discuss them in detail below.
Empathy
Using empathy means looking at the situation through your child’s eyes, considering and understanding all the possible reasons why they may be acting in a certain way. Responding to your child with empathy can create a lasting impact on them. It will teach them how to understand others’ needs and behaviors as they develop into adults.
Respect
By treating your children with respect, you level the playing field and make it possible for your relationship to grow and strengthen. It is important to watch out for signs that your child doesn’t respect you so you can do something about it. Demonstrating respect shows your child what you hope to get back from them.
Understanding
Understanding is an essential part of gentle parenting, especially when dealing with toddlers. You need to work on understanding your child’s behavior and help them understand their own feelings. This will help them grow into confident and secure children and, later, adults.
Boundaries
Contrary to popular belief, boundaries are a crucial part of gentle parenting. They ensure that your child learns to set limits for themselves and develops self-discipline. Boundaries are most effective when they are communicated and implemented consistently, whether they are boundaries for young children or boundaries for teens.
Common Misconceptions of Gentle Parenting
There are some common misconceptions about gentle parenting. We’ll discuss them to clarify any misunderstandings about this parenting style.
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Gentle parenting is too gentle. Some people may hear the words “gentle parenting” and assume that it is a much softer way of parenting that does not involve discipline, punishment, or rules. This is not the case, as gentle parenting still requires boundaries and discipline to work.
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Gentle parenting is time-consuming. This style of parenting does take more research and learning on the parent’s end compared to traditional parenting styles, but it’s worth it depending on how you want to raise your child.
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Gentle parenting is the same as permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting. It still enforces rules and boundaries, while permissive parenting has very few rules and boundaries and little to no discipline.
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Gentle parenting techniques do not involve punishment. While gentle parenting does, indeed, move towards discipline and away from punishment, that does not automatically mean that children will not improve problematic behaviors. Gentle parenting and positive discipline have been shown to impact children positively, even without traditional punishment methods [*].
Benefits of Gentle Parenting
There are several benefits to gentle parenting, including the following:
- Reduced anxiety for parents and children
- Improved parent-child bond
- Positive social skills for children
- Positive development for children
- Increased openness to different emotions
Gentle Parenting Examples
Here are a few gentle parenting examples to illustrate how this parenting style works in real-life situations.
Grocery store tantrum. It may be tempting to respond with threats or yell at your child when they have a tantrum in public. However, this will only escalate the situation further. Instead, get down to your child’s eye level and speak to them. Acknowledge and validate their feelings. You might say something like, “I know you’re really upset because you wanted that candy. It did look very yummy.”
Then, offer an explanation as to why you can’t buy the candy for them and suggest an alternative. You can say something like, “But the candy is not good for you because it has too much sugar, which is a no-no. Would you like to choose a banana or some yogurt instead?”
Turning off screens. Turning off screens when it’s time for bed can be really tricky. The key is to set expectations before it even begins. Talk to your child about the amount of time they will be allowed and what the plan is when it’s over. To make things easier, have a timer that your child can set themselves. Once the time is up, you can allow them to choose another activity, such as playing with their dinosaurs.
Not sitting down for mealtimes. Children will often refuse to sit down at mealtimes as they are usually interested in other activities, such as playing. Setting a routine for everybody to follow can help, and one way your child can be invested in mealtimes is to be involved in the routine of preparing it. You can ask them to choose a meal one night a week or give them simple tasks such as washing the carrots or setting the table. This will help them gain a sense of purpose in the household and foster their independence.
Gentle Parenting Tips
Here are a few gentle parenting tips that you may find useful, especially if you are parenting a highly sensitive child or a child with specific needs.
Understand your own emotions
When you're feeling overwhelmed, it's harder to respond patiently. Taking a breath and recognizing your own emotions allows you to react calmly and guide your child through theirs.
Model behavior
If you want your children to be respectful, be respectful yourself. If you want them to be calm, stay calm during challenging moments. Modeling healthy ways of coping is one useful tip for parenting an anxious child.
Set clear boundaries
Kids need to know what's expected of them. Gentle parenting involves setting clear and consistent boundaries but also offering choices whenever possible.
Be consistent with rules
Enforce rules fairly and consistently. This builds trust and helps your child know what to expect.
Use positive discipline
Focus on catching your child being good and offering praise. Instead of punishment, use redirection or natural consequences. For example, if they throw a toy, explain that toys are for gentle play and put the toy away until they can calm down. If you are struggling with parenting an angry child, using positive discipline can be helpful in de-escalating tense situations.
Work as a team
Present a united front with your partner or caregivers. Discuss expectations and approaches beforehand so your child receives consistent messages.
Be patient
Gentle parenting is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks, but with patience and understanding, you'll build a strong and loving relationship with your child.
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some commonly asked questions about gentle parenting.
Can gentle parenting work for all children?
Just like any parenting style, gentle parenting may not always produce the desired outcome for all children. Gentle parenting may not work with children who have specific needs or certain temperaments; this parenting style may not resonate with each child’s individuality.
Another challenge that parents may encounter is setting and enforcing boundaries gently. Children thrive on clear boundaries, so this approach may leave them feeling insecure or lacking in guidance.
Is gentle parenting effective for managing tantrums?
Gentle parenting can be very effective for managing tantrums but requires a shift in perspective and approach.
Instead of punishment, gentle parenting validates your child's feelings and helps them feel safe and secure. This calmer environment can de-escalate the tantrum. By acknowledging emotions and offering coping mechanisms, you help your child learn to manage their feelings in a healthy way. Gentle parenting doesn't eliminate boundaries, but it helps children understand them. Over time, they learn to regulate their emotions within those boundaries.
However, it's important to remember that gentle parenting doesn’t eliminate tantrums altogether. Tantrums are a normal part of development. Even with gentle parenting, your child will still get frustrated and have meltdowns.
Are there any drawbacks to gentle parenting?
It’s important to look at both the pros and cons of gentle parenting.
Gentle parenting can cause parents some level of stress and frustration as it is not realistic to reason with your child every time they disagree with you or have meltdowns. Gentle parenting may also increase challenging behavior. Parents may accidentally reward children’s problematic behavior by talking to them. It is recommended that disciplinary techniques that are neutral and provide minimal attention are used, such as time out.
The Bottom Line
Gentle parenting isn't about achieving perfection but about creating a loving connection that empowers your child to thrive. With patience, understanding, and the tips offered here, you can embark on this rewarding journey of raising a confident, emotionally intelligent child. Remember, you and your little one are a team, and gentle parenting equips you with the tools to navigate the joys and challenges of parenthood together.
Feel free to explore our feelings worksheets to support children with feelings identification and expressing emotions while on your gentle parenting journey.
References:
- Carroll P. Effectiveness of Positive Discipline Parenting Program on Parenting Style, and Child Adaptive Behavior. 3 July 2021.
