How to Be a Good Mother: 7 Tips to Becoming a Better Mom

Learning how to be a good mother doesn’t happen overnight, nor is there a winning formula. Becoming a good mother requires practice, patience, and support from loved ones.

Occasionally, the journey is tough, and motherhood comes with ups and downs. What matters is making your child feel safe, heard, and loved. Here are tips on how to be the best mom for your child. 

What Makes Someone a Good Mom?

The essence of a good mom goes beyond providing your child with their basic needs. A great mom will go above and beyond to nurture their child’s interests and understand their emotions, quirks, and nuances.

Some qualities of a good mom include:

• Patience. Moms can’t always be forgiving, but patience can create open communication and empathy between a mom and a child.
• Sacrifice. Sometimes, moms must sacrifice personal desires to be present for their children. A good mom will make tough decisions for her child’s benefit.
• Resilience. Motherhood demands a lot of work, and good mothers know to keep going, even when times are hard. They’ll model strength and endurance for their children.
• Flexibility and adaptability. Parenting is unpredictable, but a good mother will learn to adapt.
• Good sense of humor. Authoritarian parenting may keep your child disciplined, but it can also make children fearful of making mistakes.  Kids want to have fun, and a good mom will know how to balance guidance with a sense of humor.

How Do I Know If I'm Doing a Good Job as a Mother?

No mother is perfect, but you will notice signs if you’re being a good one. Good moms are engaged and proactive about caring for their children despite issues like sleep deprivation, work-life balance, and a loss of personal identity.

Here are a few signs you’re doing parenting right:

• You worry about being a good mom. Every good mom wonders whether they do a good enough job for their child. Of course, moms need to take breaks, but spending time reflecting indicates that they’re doing a pretty good job.
• Your child doesn’t hesitate to confide in you. A good mom makes their child feel comfortable around them, whether to simply be in their presence or to talk about something that might be troubling them. If your child feels safe enough to speak to you about their feelings and experiences, it’s a sign that you’ve done an excellent job.
• You keep going. When parenthood gets tough, it can be tempting to want to give up. However, you know you’re doing well when you tell yourself not to quit.
• You’re respecting your child’s personhood. Some parents project their hopes and dreams onto their children. But one sign of a good mom is embracing exactly who their children are, including their differences. 

How to Be a Good Mother

What makes a “good” mother is subjective, but you can practice these habits to give your child—and yourself—a more enriching environment.

1. Explore a parenting style that works

Choosing the best parenting style can be confusing, but it's essential to balance what you’re most comfortable with and what your child responds to best. Whatever style you choose, most therapists recommend being fair and consistent.

You can always adjust your parenting style as you familiarize yourself with your child’s inherent traits and unique potential. For example, if you find you’re too authoritarian, your child may develop self-esteem issues and struggle to differentiate between right and wrong. If you notice your parenting style has a negative impact on your child, you might decide to become more authoritative, which balances independence and structure.

2. Take time for self-care

As a parent, it can be hard to be “switched on” constantly. Pushing yourself too hard can be more harmful than beneficial for you and your child. Roughly 50% to 80% of moms experience “mommy brain” or brain fog associated with motherhood [*]. Take time to recover through self-care.

Do things you enjoy, like watching a movie, reading a book, going to the spa, or even taking a quick weekend getaway. Sometimes, parenting can feel like a job; just like any job, you need some time off to get your bearings back.

3. Say sorry when you should

Parents—especially first-time parents—make mistakes and should know how to apologize to their children when necessary. Apologizing to your child when you’ve hurt their feelings makes them feel valued and communicates that making up for certain behaviors is an integral part of life.

Apologizing when you should also teaches children to do the same thing. Implement aspects of positive parenting, such as offering praise when your child does the right thing, to keep them motivated and inspired.

4. Spend quality time together

Connecting with your child means spending time with them. Find ways to bond by engaging in activities you and your child are interested in. Being a mindful parent can make you feel more in tune with your child and improve their social-emotional health.

You can dedicate half an hour each day to a shared activity or plan family outings once a week. Whatever you decide, don’t forget to enjoy the moment. 

5. Embrace imperfection

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and the earlier you embrace imperfection, the easier it’ll be to dedicate yourself to what good motherhood really means. If something about your parenting style bothers your child, don’t hesitate to ask them.

Talk with your children about improving your relationship over time and embracing the journey, no matter how many mistakes you make.

6. Ask for help

According to a survey by Motherly, 58% of moms report being responsible for singlehandedly running their households [*]. However, being a good mother doesn’t mean taking on every responsibility yourself. It pays to know when to ask for help. Share parenting responsibilities with a partner or other family member when you don’t feel you can handle the load.

When you recharge and care for physical and emotional needs, you’ll find yourself in a better place to be present and empathetic with your child. 

7. Learn how to communicate

As in any relationship, communication between a mother and child is necessary. Instead of reacting immediately to your child’s behavior, observe how they act and what they say. If you respond harshly based on your gut, you risk causing your child to withdraw from conversations or become avoidant when something bothers them.

When they share something with you, listen actively. By doing so, you can provide the right kind of support and ask whether they need guidance or comfort.

The Bottom Line

There’s no handbook to being a good mother. Instead, becoming a better mom takes a lifetime of experience, hits and misses, and trust between you and your child.

Want to learn more about parenthood and its nuances? Read our favorite books about parenting.

Sources:

1. Luders E, Kurth F, Malin Gingnell, et al. “From baby brain to mommy brain: Widespread gray matter gain after giving birth.” Cortex, 2020.
2. “Motherly’s 2023 State of Motherhood Survey Report.” Motherly, 2023.