What is Positive Discipline?

Parents and caregivers often find discipline a challenging part of their child-rearing experience. However, discipline is a crucial part of parenting and cannot be avoided. It helps children develop good behaviors and keeps parents from feeling burned out. Traditional discipline has its advantages and disadvantages, but we are also seeing the rise of positive discipline in parenting approaches. What is positive discipline, exactly? We’ll explore just that.

What is Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline is a way of shaping behavior through disciplinary methods that focus on a child’s positive traits. It is anchored on the idea that there are no bad children; there are simply good and bad behaviors.

This disciplinary model is based on Adlerian psychology. We eliminate all punishment and rewards and replace them with encouragement that addresses children's basic need to belong and feel significant [*]. This philosophy provides children with a nurturing environment in which they can learn and grow. It also encourages parents to understand the reasons behind their children’s behavior and respond with curiosity, patience, and compassion.

Benefits of Using Positive Discipline

There are several benefits of using positive discipline at home or in the classroom. Here are some of them:

• Effective communication
• Enhances self-esteem
• Stronger bonding between parents and children
• Improves academic performance
• Developing self-discipline
• Improved behavior
• Problem-solving and teaching life skills
• Promotes emotional regulation
• Stronger relationships
• Teaches responsibility

Another great benefit of using positive discipline is that it reduces shame. This makes this disciplinary style more effective as shaming ourselves or other people shuts down parts of the brain associated with learning new behaviors [*]. Children are more likely to act out again when they are shamed for their behavior. This may eventually lead to issues with self-esteem and confidence.

Positive discipline is beneficial because it uses some of the methods in authoritative parenting that help kids feel motivated, connected, empowered, and encouraged. Modeling kindness and emotional stability will also help children develop those same traits. Positive parenting has even been found to increase academic achievement and reduce substance use in teens [*].

Challenges of Using Positive Discipline

Applying positive discipline in your household or the classroom is not without its challenges. Here are some to look out for as you consider the best discipline style or your needs.

• Initial resistance. Parents may find it difficult to shift from traditional punishment-based methods to positive discipline. They might doubt its effectiveness or feel uncomfortable with the idea of being more permissive, even if they encourage positive behaviors. On the other hand, children may be used to certain behaviors and resist the new approach. They may test boundaries or act out to see if the rules have changed.
• Maintaining consistency. Consistency is crucial in positive discipline. If multiple caregivers (e.g., parents, grandparents, teachers) have different approaches, it can confuse the child.
• Not seeing results quickly enough. Positive discipline is a long-term strategy, so it may take time to see significant changes in behavior. Parents may become discouraged if they don't see immediate results, especially when dealing with persistent behaviors.
• Dealing with personal problems. Life events such as divorce, illness, or job loss can make it difficult to execute positive discipline consistently. Parents may be less able to focus on positive discipline when dealing with personal problems.
• Does not directly deal with bad behavior. Positive discipline aims to prevent negative behavior by addressing underlying issues and building positive relationships. This may not provide an immediate solution to specific incidents of bad behavior.

Positive Discipline Examples

Let’s go through an example to get a better idea of what positive parenting might look like.

When a young child becomes aggressive or violent toward a new sibling, positive discipline offers a more compassionate approach. Instead of punishment, parents can acknowledge their child's natural feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Validating these emotions and providing support can help the child develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Rather than ignoring problem behaviors, adults model emotional maturity and teach positive alternatives. Simple reminders like "Gentle hands, please" and empathetic statements like "I understand you're jealous" can help kids regulate their emotions.

To reinforce positive behavior, parents might engage in activities like reading books about appropriate actions or role-playing with toys. This collaborative approach helps the child learn healthier ways to express their feelings and interact with others.

How to Practice Positive Discipline at Home

There are several effective ways to practice positive discipline at home, including the following:

• Be a good role model
• Establish strong connections
• Set clear expectations
• Be consistent
• Be calm and brief
• Use natural consequences
• Offer options and choices
• Act quickly
• Be realistic
• Use positive reinforcement and avoid punishment
• Model positive behavior
• Catch your child behaving and encourage it
• Remind your child you love them

How to Practice Positive Discipline in the Classroom

Positive discipline can also be practiced in the classroom. Here are some tips on how to do just that:

• Set the classroom rules at the start of the year
• Have consistent expectations
• Set goals at the beginning of class
• Reinforce appropriate behavior
• Remain neutral during conflicts
• Search for the root cause of the misbehavior
• Create individual plans for students
• Use praise
• Model appropriate behaviors
• Provide students with different options
• Remove objects in the environment that cause distractions
• Listen to students

The Bottom Line

Positive discipline is all about empathy, understanding, and connection. This approach allows parents to guide their children toward responsible and respectful behavior. It also cultivates a strong, loving relationship between parents and children that will last a lifetime. As we face the challenges of raising the next generation, positive discipline acts as a compass to help us find our path with grace and compassion.

For more resources to help you on your positive parenting journey, check out our self-esteem worksheets that you can use at home.

References:

1. Nelsen J, Tamborski M, Ainge B. How is Positive Discipline Different?
2. Piretti L, Pappaianni E, Garbin C, et al. The Neural Signatures of Shame, Embarrassment, and Guilt: A Voxel-Based Meta-Analysis on Functional Neuroimaging Studies. 26 March 2023.
3. Luk J, King K, McCarty C, et al. Prospective Effects of Parenting on Substance Use and Problems Across Asian/Pacific Islander and European American Youth: Tests of Moderated Mediation. 26 July 2017.