Tiger Parenting: Is It Helping or Hurting?

Every parent should set rules and boundaries to help their children learn and grow. But how strict is too strict? Tiger parenting has historically produced many children who thrive academically and have successful futures.

However, tiger parenting has been the center of controversy for years. Is it helping or hurting children? This article will tell you what you need to know.

What is Tiger Parenting?

Tiger parenting is an authoritarian parenting style that pushes children to excel academically and in extracurricular activities at every opportunity [*]. It emphasizes high expectations and competition, with parents tending to micromanage their children’s daily tasks.

This authoritarian approach limits a child’s social interactions, as parents often force them to spend as much time as possible studying. When a child misbehaves, tiger parents typically use emotional threats and corporal punishment.

Tiger parenting stems from Confucian philosophy, which promotes hierarchical family structures and a strong work ethic [*]. Thus, tiger parenting is shared among East Asian families, as it positions education as a gateway to improving one’s socioeconomic status.

What are the Key Characteristics of Tiger Parenting?

The overarching core of tiger parenting is rules and abiding by them. Parents have complete control over their children, and there is no reward for positive behavior. Below are more principal characteristics of tiger parenting.

High expectations and demands

Tiger parents expect their children to excel in every aspect of life. If a child fails academically or in their extracurricular activities, tiger parents often blame them for “bringing shame” to the family. As a result, children spend almost all their time studying and honing other skills.

Furthermore, tiger parents demand total respect. Children cannot talk back or express opinions, which may be considered disrespectful and rebellious.

Limited freedom and playtime

For children of tiger parents, leisure time and social lives are minimal to allow more time for studying and homework. Even at home, tiger parents highly restrict activities like using the Internet, watching television, and playing video games. They may confiscate gadgets in the evening or set rigid time limits.

Emphasis on achievement

At the core of tiger parenting is academic achievement and success. Tiger parents define success as a child’s ability to bring honor to their family through power and status. For example, tiger parents might raise their children to become doctors or lawyers.

They deemphasize soft skills, including emotional intelligence, creativity, relationship-building, and critical thinking, in favor of how much money their children can make in the future.

Strict discipline and control

Tiger parents are incredibly hands-on and emphasize psychological and behavioral control over children. Children raised by tiger parents are often met with physical punishment for failures.

Western societies have frequently portrayed tiger parenting as a form of abuse, with many East Asian parents using comparative words to remind their children that they are not as good as others. More severe forms of tiger parenting might implement slapping and hitting children.

Focus on future success

Tiger parents don’t think about their children’s well-being in the moment. Instead, they focus on the potential for future success. As such, they may encourage their children to work toward graduating from a top Ivy League university to build a respectable and lucrative career, often in medicine.

What are the Potential Impacts of Tiger Parenting?

Tiger parenting can have significant adverse effects on a child, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Here are some of the potential impacts of tiger parenting on children.

Mental health concerns

Children raised in tiger-parent households often experience adverse mental health outcomes because of the immense amount of pressure they undergo. Harsh and inconsistent parental responses also lead children to struggle with internalization [*].

The relentless focus on academic achievement can also trigger anxiety in children and create low self-esteem. Children often become depressed and highly self-critical. In extreme cases, the severe lack of support can lead to suicidal ideation.

Academic pressure

Tiger parenting's high academic expectations often lead to substantial work achievements and school success. Children may constantly strive for success and become highly disciplined.

However, in some cases, this extreme pressure causes dips in grade point average (GPA) [*]. Because of a lack of autonomy and stifled creativity, children of tiger parents may also struggle to think for themselves and express unique ideas. As a result, they don’t become “street smart” and are highly dependent on their parents and other authority figures.

Emotional distress

Because tiger parenting leads to psychological maladjustment, children often experience emotional distress and don’t know how to cope with it. They might develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as resorting to self-blame and self-harm.

They also become fearful, especially when potentially disappointing their parents. They may become obsessed with their success and be constantly on edge.

Relationship challenges

Children of tiger parents are often prohibited from having friendships and relationships outside of school. For example, a tiger parent might restrict playdates, sleepovers, or even birthday parties.

They also practice conditional love and prioritize academic achievements over emotional needs, which can make children feel alienated and alone. Because of this, children may struggle to form meaningful relationships with others [*].

How to Avoid Tiger Parenting Your Kids

Avoiding becoming a tiger parent doesn’t mean becoming permissive. Instead, it’s best to find a balanced parenting style. Here are some tips for avoiding tiger parenting habits:

• Don’t always resort to discipline: When your child has a problem, don’t immediately assume they did something wrong or are at fault. Take the time to listen and validate their emotions. Then, focus on pivoting from the negative situation into a more productive one.
• Give your child choices: One of the things many children of tiger parents don’t experience is self-determination. Give your child the freedom to choose from simple things like what they want for breakfast to what hobbies they wish to pursue outside of school.
• Reward positive behaviors and progress: Praise your child when they perform well, but also emphasize their progress. Congratulate them for small wins and give specific praise. For example, if your child plays tennis, you might tell them, “I noticed your backhand swing is much stronger! Great job!”
• Offer support when your child makes a mistake: Children should know that mistakes are normal and everyone makes them. It’s okay to make mistakes—they are part of the learning process. When they experience a failure, provide support without micromanaging their efforts.
• Encourage creativity: Build your child’s confidence and curiosity by encouraging them to be creative. Provide them with access to art, music, books, and other creative outlets.

The Bottom Line

Every parent wants their child to succeed, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of their mental, physical, and emotional health. While tiger parenting has its advantages, children need emotional nurturing and support.

Feel free to browse our collection of worksheets to help your child become more creative, productive, and motivated to succeed.

Sources:

1. Chamberlin J. “Tiger parenting” doesn’t create child prodigies, finds new research.” American Psychological Association, 2013.
2. Hsu S. Hsu, S. & Wu, Y.-Y. “Education as cultivation in Chinese culture.” Singapore: Springer, 2015.
3. Huang KY, Calzada E, Cheng S, R. Gabriela Barajas-Gonzalez, Brotman LM. “Cultural Adaptation, Parenting and Child Mental Health Among English Speaking Asian American Immigrant Families.” Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 2016.
4. Kim SY, Wang Y, Orozco-Lapray D, Shen Y, Murtuza M. “Does “tiger parenting” exist? Parenting profiles of Chinese Americans and adolescent developmental outcomes.” Asian American Journal of Psychology, 2013.
5. Tam H, Kwok SYCL, Ling CCY, Li CI. “The moderating effects of positive psychological strengths on the relationship between tiger parenting and child anxiety.” Children and Youth Services Review, 2018.