What Is the Depression Stage of Grief?

Losing a loved one is a difficult experience that can change one’s life. This is often followed by six stages of grief that allows the individual to deal with the impact of this loss on their life [*]. Typically, the person grieving goes through denial, anger, bargaining, and then the depression stage of grief. This is followed by the last two stages: acceptance and finally, reconstruction.

As grief and all of its stages can often be a complicated process to navigate, it is important that you know how to explain death to a child. This article thus discusses the depression stage of grief in particular so that you can help your child in their journey toward healing from the tragic loss.

What are the Stages of Grief?

According to Kubler–Ross, a person goes through five stages of grief as a way to process the loss of a loved one. These stages help people identify what they may be feeling [*]. Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief, including the bargaining stage of grief, are popularly referenced when discussing loss. Kessler has expanded this list to include the sixth stage, reconstruction, which is when the bereaved begins to find closure and rebuilds their life, which had stagnated in grieving, as detailed in the six stages of grief [*].

What is the Depression Stage of Grief?

After the bargaining stage, an individual will start to realize that the one they have lost is no longer going to be a part of their life. This can drive the person to experience sadness on a deeper level [*]. Kubler–Ross has classified two types of depression in the stage of grief. The first is reactive depression, which is triggered by a recent loss of a loved one. The second is preparatory depression, which is an emotional response to an anticipated loss [*]. Depression during grief can be complex to navigate, especially for children, who may have some difficulty in processing the concept of loss. Fortunately, there are books about grief and death available to help children understand their feelings surrounding the death of a loved one.

Why Do People Experience Depression During Grief?

Losing a loved one causes the individual life-changing pain, and depression is a normal response to this situation. People sometimes feel deep sadness after realizing that their loved one is permanently gone from their lives, and the depression stage of grief is an understandable step of the healing process [*]. As with any other stage of grief, support is a crucial part of one’s journey into healing, especially for children who may feel lost and isolated in the depression stage of grief. Having them engage in grief activities will help make them feel less alone during this difficult stage.

How Can I Recognize If I’m in the Depression Stage?

Individuals who are going through the depression stage of grief will often find themselves in a very low mood and refuse to engage in a lot of activities [*]. It is important to understand that depression in grief is not a sign of mental illness; rather, it is a normal response to pain brought about by the loss of a loved one [*]. The following are a few signs to be on the lookout for:

• You isolate yourself. A person going through the depression stage of grief is often noticeably unwilling to engage in any social activities, be it friends or family.
• You feel intense sadness. After losing a loved one, a person may find themselves alone in this new reality wherein their loved ones are no longer present.
• Life feels pointless. An individual experiencing depression in grief may find it difficult to continue their usual daily activities and find no sense in carrying on with a new life without the presence of their departed.
• You feel worthless. Overwhelming sadness can overcome the bereaved. Getting up in the morning may feel like the hardest thing to do, and going about the day demands so much energy that you may no longer have.

Depression Stage of Grief Example Statements

When experiencing depression during grief, the individual may be fixated on the idea that life is no longer worth continuing after losing their beloved [*]. They may vocalize certain thoughts that mirror feelings such as the following:

• “It’s pointless.” When a person is in the depression stage of grief, they are enveloped in intense sadness that often feels incapacitating. In this stage, they may resign themselves into believing that everything in their life has slowed down to a halt because of their loss, and that they may never recover. “There’s no point anymore. She’s gone,” is an example of this sentiment.
• “I have nothing more to give.” When an individual loses their beloved, they are left feeling winded by how the situation unfolds. They bounce between many different emotional states, which can drain their energy and leave them exhausted. When this happens, a person may not be willing to engage in any activities or relationships. You might hear them say, “I’m exhausted,” or “I’m tired.”
• “I want it to be over with.” When someone is in the depression stage of grief, they may feel like this period of their lives can last for a long time. It is harrowing to think of, which can cause a person to be scared of the future. They may express their desire for this stage of their lives to be over with statements such as, “When will all this end?” or “I can’t do this anymore.”

How Can I Move Past the Depression Stage of Grief?

The depression stage of grief is a period of grieving that prepares you to accept the loss of your loved one and that life will not be the same after that [*]. To move past this stage, it is important that you allow yourself to feel the overwhelming sadness and surround yourself with people who understand your pain and are willing to help you overcome it [*]. The following are key things to remember to help you overcome depression during grief:

• Allow yourself to feel sad. Embracing sadness during the depression stage of grief is necessary in your journey toward healing from the pain that your loss has caused. Suppressing pain delays you from properly processing your emotions and may result in prolonged grief.
• Get out more. Although it may feel heavy for you to rejoin with society after a tragic loss, it is important to stay connected with friends and begin reengaging in activities that have been put on hold during this period of bereavement.
• Acknowledge your loss. During the depression stage of grief, recognize the roles that the departed played in your life when they were still living. It is important that you learn to readjust to this new reality without them and understand that other people in your lives also have the capability of filling the void that your departed loved one has left [*].

How Long Does Depression in Grief Last?

While there are phases to the process of grieving, there is nothing that supports the idea that the stages of grief need to be completed in specific succession or a fixed period of time. A lot of people can grieve and experience depression during grief for a seemingly long period of time. With that said, placing a time limit on this or any stage of grief can affect this process negatively. Studies have shown that even though the grief that people experience can resolve with time, it is still crucial for them to receive the support they need from their friends and family in order for them to move past this stage [*].

When Does Depression in Grief Become a Problem?

Individuals in the depression stage of grief can move past it and heal over time, although, in some cases, not completely. This can happen when intense pain goes unresolved for longer than it should have, and it may provoke certain complications in the grieving process. The following are signs that depression in grief has become a problem [*]:

• Avoiding reminders of their departed: Grief is about learning how to continue one’s relationship with a loved one after they are gone, and this can only be achieved when a grieving person acknowledges this new reality. When they fail to do so, they delay the important steps into healing that requires them to embrace this loss and move on.
• Excessive yearning for the deceased: When grieving is prolonged, individuals may find themselves experiencing pangs of painful emotions more often than not.
• Estrangement from loved ones: A grieving person may be so focused on avoiding the pain of losing their loved one that they choose to isolate themselves and consequently grow estranged from family and friends they were once close with.
• Intrusive thoughts: A person experiencing depression in grief can at times become too preoccupied with intrusive thoughts surrounding the death of their loved one. In some cases, this may even result in suicidal ideation.

When you observe these signs in yourself, it is crucial to seek professional help.

The Bottom Line

The depression stage of grief may often seem like it will last forever. Even as a response to the loss of a loved one, depression in grief may still at times be viewed as unnatural, leading some individuals to believe that this is a stage that needs to be fixed as soon as possible. However, it is important to understand that an individual grieving the death of a loved one must be able to process their loss properly to avoid unnecessarily prolonging their grief. Additionally, the depression stage of grief can be a complicated phase to navigate in adults and especially in children. It is important to provide tools to help children properly navigate loss, such as grief worksheets, and take necessary steps to help them in their journey toward healing.

References:

1. Kubler-Ross E and Kessler D. On grief and grieving: Finding meaning through the five stages of grief. 2014.
2. Love A. Progress in understanding grief, complicated grief, and caring for the bereaved. 2007.
3. Sari AK. Stages of grief in grief. 2023.
4. Zara A. Loss, grief and depression: Potential risk factors in grief-related depression. 2019.
5. Zisook S and Shear K. Grief and mourning gone awry: Pathway and course of complicated grief. 2012.
6. Avis KA, Stroebe M, and Schut H. Stages of grief portrayed on the Internet: A systematic analysis and critical appraisal. 2021.