Signs You Had Emotionally Abusive Parents (And How It Affects You Now)

Emotionally abusive parents can leave a lasting and traumatic impact on their children. As these children become adults, they develop low self-esteem, struggle to connect with others, and feel they don’t deserve good things.

Learn the signs of emotional abuse from parents and what you can do to heal from the hurt and trauma.

What is Emotional Abuse from a Parent?

Emotional abuse from a parent involves consistently mistreating children to the point that it stunts their emotional development [*]. Parents might be emotionally abusive by mocking their children, silencing them, setting unrealistic expectations, or restricting healthy social interactions.

Signs of Emotionally Abusive Parents

Emotionally abusive parents are harsh on their children and may engage in the following activities:

• Humiliating and criticizing a child with demeaning comments
• Using sarcasm to hurt a child or constantly joking about them
• Persistently ignoring a child and their needs
• Blaming a child for something, even when it isn’t their fault
• Exposing a child to inappropriate events or interactions, like using drugs
• Refusing to say anything positive to a child or ignoring their achievements
• Manipulating a child or making them do things they don’t want to do
• Restricting a child’s social interactions or banning them from having friends

How Emotionally Abusive Parents Affect You as an Adult

Emotional and psychological abuse can leave significant invisible scars that last into adulthood. According to a recent CDC survey, 34% of adults recall being emotionally abused by a parent in their youth [*].

This abuse can result in low self-esteem and persistent self-doubt, with adults feeling worthless, inferior, or unworthy of love. Chronic self-doubt can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies when adults don’t pursue healthy relationships or positive experiences because they think they don’t deserve them.

Emotionally abused adults might also resort to people-pleasing in an attempt to avoid conflict. They’ve learned that they must keep their parents happy at all costs and may apply this belief at work and in interpersonal relationships. As such, abused adults might over-apologize or do anything to avoid confrontation.

Because of low self-esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, it can be hard for abused adults to maintain interpersonal relationships. Abusive parents shatter fundamental trust and force their children to be wary of others as they become adults. Abuse survivors are often avoidant and keep others at arm’s length to protect themselves.

One of the reasons abused adults may struggle to maintain friendships and romantic relationships is their inability to express their emotions. Abused adults may have been mocked and ridiculed for showing emotions as a child and learn to repress these emotions growing up.

This suppression can lead to anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD. According to a study, emotional abuse is one of the strongest predictors of adult depression, even tripling the odds for some [*].

Signs You Had Emotionally Abusive Parents

Sometimes, it can be challenging for children to comprehend whether their parents are strict or abusive. Below are a few signs that you had emotionally abusive parents growing up.

You were constantly criticized or belittled

Emotionally abusive parents constantly put their children down. They might call them names or tell them they aren’t good enough. Over time, adults may internalize these criticisms and experience low confidence.

Your feelings were dismissed or invalidated

In emotionally abusive homes, parents might tell children to “stop crying” or “suck it up” when they feel hurt. When children are scared, emotionally abusive parents might tell them they’re too weak or sensitive.

Love felt conditional

Sometimes, emotionally abusive parents make their children earn their affection by behaving a certain way or achieving specific goals. They might withdraw affection or give children silent treatment when they don’t behave to their standards.

You were controlled or manipulated

Emotionally abusive parents want control over their child’s life—every aspect of it. They might dictate who a child can be friends with or even invade a child’s privacy by reading their texts and instant messages.

Parents might emotionally blackmail their children or guilt-trip them when they make a minor mistake.

They used silent treatment or withheld affection

Instead of healthy discipline, emotionally abusive parents might use silent treatment or give their children the cold shoulder. They may make their children feel invisible and invalidated by rejecting advances for attention.

You were compared to siblings or others

Emotionally abusive parents might pit their children against one another or motivate them to do better through comparison. They might say things like, “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?” and display obvious favoritism.

They didn’t respect your boundaries

Children of emotionally abusive parents often have no privacy. A parent might read personal journals, rummage through their child’s belongings, and dictate life choices regardless of what their child wants. They might also expect their children to be at their emotional disposal and over-share their problems.

You felt responsible for their emotions

Emotionally abusive parents might treat their children like personal therapists. They might project their anger, stress, and frustration onto their children and put them in a caregiver role (known as parentification). This unfair burden can make a child feel paranoid and guilty when their parents aren’t happy.

They shamed you for your needs or identity

Instead of being accepting and supportive, emotionally abusive parents might shame their child for their identity. For example, a child who asks for affection might be perceived as “too needy,” while a child who identifies as LGBTQ+ may be “shameful.”

How to Heal From Parental Emotional Abuse

Healing from parental emotional abuse is a long journey, but it’s possible with the right support and dedication. Here are a few steps you can take to kickstart your healing journey.

Acknowledge the abuse

The first step toward healing is acknowledging that the abuse happened. Don’t minimize the mistreatment—recognize and accept it for what it was. Consider journaling about specific incidents and reflecting on how they affected your early development.

Set boundaries

It’s never too late to set healthy boundaries. If you’re still in contact with your abusive parents, limit your communications and set rules for communication. For example, you can refuse to continue a discussion if your parent starts yelling or insulting you.

Expect that abusive parents might continue to test your boundaries and that refusing to humor them is an act of self-respect.

Practice self-compassion

Children with emotionally abusive parents often feel worthless or lacking. Practicing self-compassion by reciting positive affirmations for self-love or engaging in self-care can be incredibly healing.

When you make a mistake, avoid telling yourself you’re stupid or useless. Instead, accept that you are human and focus on what you can do better next time. Start prioritizing self-care. Engage in activities, such as yoga or reading, that reduce stress and make you feel relaxed.

Build a strong support network

Healing doesn’t have to be solitary. Seek out family members and friends when you feel alone and need a helping hand. Often, adults with abusive parents create their own chosen family of people who accept them unconditionally and offer support.

You might also consider joining a support group for abuse survivors where you can share your experiences and receive validation for your journey.

Seek professional help if needed

Sometimes, dealing with the remnants of emotional abuse can feel debilitating. Don’t feel ashamed to seek professional help. Reach out to your healthcare provider and ask them to refer you to a trauma-informed therapist or psychologist specializing in abuse recovery.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help restructure negative and distorted thought patterns, while eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) can help adults reprocess trauma [*].

The Bottom Line

Emotional abuse can leave deep, traumatic wounds as children become adults. However, with the right support, paths to professional help, and efforts to rebuild confidence, you can move one step closer to recovery.

Looking for other ways to help your child manage their trauma? Explore our collection of worksheets, where you’ll find helpful activities and suggestions.

FAQs

Can emotional abuse be unintentional?

Emotional abuse can be unintentional, especially if a parent has also experienced emotional abuse firsthand. However, the unwillingness to seek help can be intentional.

What if my parent says they “meant well”?

When a parent says they “meant well,” it can feel demeaning, minimizing, and like they are dodging responsibility for their actions. A parent who means well can admit fault and offer a sincere apology.

Can emotionally abusive parents change?

Emotionally abusive parents can change, but it will require significant effort and dedication. Healing may also need professional help and trauma-informed therapy.

Sources:

1. Syeda, Najam N. Parental “Psychological Abuse toward children and Mental Health Problems in adolescence.” Pakistan Journal of Medical Sciences, 2025.
2. Swedo EA, Aslam MV, Dahlberg LL, et al. “Prevalence of Adverse Childhood Experiences Among U.S. Adults — Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 2011–2020.” MMWR Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, 2023.
3. Li ET, Luyten P, Midgley N. “Psychological Mediators of the Association Between Childhood Emotional Abuse and Depression: A Systematic Review.” Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2020.
4. Hoeboer C, Roos C de, Gabrielle, Spinhoven P, Elzinga B. “The effect of parental emotional abuse on the severity and treatment of PTSD symptoms in children and adolescents.” Child Abuse & Neglect, 2020.