What is the Acceptance Stage of Grief?

Death is a natural and inevitable part of what it means to be human. Despite that, though, it can still be difficult to accept, which is why grieving often becomes a long, winding process. Fortunately, in this process, the individual who has lost a loved one will eventually find themselves in the acceptance stage of grief.

With that said, this article shifts the focus on the topic of grief to the acceptance stage—particularly, what acceptance looks like and how one can arrive at this stage.

Stages of Grief

There may come a time when you will have to explain death to a child, especially if you and your family experience the loss of a loved one. This challenging task of guiding your child through the grieving process becomes somewhat easier when you are able to explain grief in its different stages.

The most famous theory about the grieving process initially outlined five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This theory has also been expanded to include a total of six stages of grief, with the final stage being reconstruction. In this article, though, it is the acceptance stage of grief that will be explained in depth.

What is the Acceptance Stage of Grief?

For some people, especially those who have never personally experienced loss or grief, the acceptance stage is often viewed as the stage in which individuals become okay with the fact that their loved one is no longer with them. Contrary to popular belief, though, acceptance does not necessarily mean that losing your loved one becomes all right or acceptable in the strictest sense [*]. Rather, it is about the ability to adjust to one’s new reality—a reality that their loved one is no longer a part of, except in that individual’s memories. The acceptance stage emphasizes that in the process of grieving, the mourner eventually becomes capable of learning how to live in a world without the person they have lost to either death or some form of separation. In this sense, acceptance entails the possibility of adapting to a new life following the experience of loss, rather than returning to one’s life prior to the loss.

What are the Key Characteristics of the Acceptance Stage of Grief?

As in the other stages of grief, the acceptance stage of grief has many faces. The following are some characteristics describing individuals who reach this stage in the grieving process:

• Learning to live with the loss: In the acceptance stage of grief, the individual comes to terms with their new reality. It is not necessarily the case that their grief over the loss fades away; rather, the world that they live in expands and evolves to accommodate the loss that the individual has experienced.
• Discovering ways to find comfort and healing: Upon undergoing the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, the individual learns different ways to cope with their grief. They may find solace in connecting with others, whether it is with their loved ones or with people whom they have formed new relationships with.
• Tolerating the residual feelings of anger and depression: Gradually, the individual becomes accustomed to their grief, understanding that their emotions are natural responses to losing a loved one.
• Seeing the good that can emerge from the loss: Finally, the acceptance stage of grief is characterized by a more optimistic and hopeful outlook on life. The individual eventually discovers that they can grow from the suffering they underwent during the time that they were grieving. In a way, there is an element of meaning making that comes to the foreground.

How to Get to the Acceptance Stage of Grief

Now that you know the characteristics of individuals who are in the acceptance stage of grief, how can you come to terms with the loss you have experienced? The following are some ways on how to get to the acceptance stage of grief:

Acknowledge and accept the loss

There are many ways to acknowledge a painful, negative emotion. One is describing and labeling the primary emotion that you feel over the loss in that moment. For example, you may feel angry, bad, sad, or afraid. If it helps, try to use art or journaling to express the emotions that you are experiencing.

Another way to acknowledge and accept the loss is to practice radical acceptance. Radical acceptance is a concept in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) that entails accepting the present without judgment. A statement that exemplifies a radical acceptance statement would be, “The world is perfect as it is.”

Finally, it may be helpful to read more about the grieving process. For children, grief books and grief activities may be a good starting point to get to the acceptance stage of grief.

Find new meaning and purpose

Meaning and purpose can take a variety of forms. For some people, it entails setting goals and aspirations, such as an illustrious career or settling down and having kids, and then achieving them. For others, meaning and purpose may mean helping other people or volunteering for a cause.

Regardless, this search for meaning can disintegrate when a person loses a loved one. If you find yourself in the grieving process, try to remind yourself of the things that you care about or enjoy to be able to get to the acceptance stage of grief. In addition, reflect on your values and the things that matter the most to you. Doing these can help you on your quest to find new meaning and direction in life.

Seek support and connection

Seeking support and connecting (or reconnecting) with others will help you tremendously in reaching the acceptance stage of grief. How so? Relationships with other human beings play a significant role in tethering people to this world that they live in. As they say, “No man is an island.” Not only do quality relationships offer support and connection to the bereaved, but they can also serve as reminders that, although you may have lost a loved one to death or separation, you are still surrounded by family and friends who care about you.

Embrace the new reality

Embracing the new reality seems easier said than done. However, with the following actionable tips, you can take small steps toward adapting to a new world without the material presence of your loved one:

• Take this experience as an opportunity for personal growth and development.
• Remind yourself of the things that you are grateful for every day.
• Be able to distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot control. Remember that you can control your thought patterns and behaviors. Additionally, understand that environmental events and experiences are usually beyond our control.

Engage in healthy habits

Finally, healthy habits contribute to improving mental health and overall psychological well-being. These habits include exercise, a well-balanced diet, and enough sleep. Although doing all of these may not take away the fact that you have lost someone, as well as the pain that accompanies it, it may facilitate more positive emotions within.

How Long Does It Take to Reach the Acceptance Stage of Grief?

As with other common grief reactions in Kubler-Ross’s theory, there is no definitive time frame for an individual to reach the acceptance stage of grief. Processing your emotions over the loss of a loved one takes time, and one cannot fully experience and understand these emotions if this process is rushed. However, according to a study that empirically investigated the stages of grief, in most cases, acceptance increasingly manifests itself in the 6 months following the loss [*].

How Do You Know When You Reach the Acceptance Stage of Grief?

Acceptance can take many forms, but some of the most notable signs that may indicate that you have reached the acceptance stage of grief are the following:

No longer resisting or denying the reality of the loss

By the very definition of acceptance, the acceptance stage of grief involves recognizing what is true and real in the present. In other words, you might have reached the acceptance stage if you no longer exert significant effort to alter your current reality or regress to your previous life.

Starting to cherish the good times and memories

Although the death or loss of a loved one is an inevitability in life, so is the fact that your loved one had lived a life that they shared with you. When you begin to reminisce about the life that they led and that you took part in and your overwhelming feelings mainly fall in the backdrop of these memories, this might be a sign that you have reached the acceptance stage of grief.

Beginning to make plans and set goals for the future

If you find yourself adjusting to the new reality you live in and begin to feel hopeful and optimistic about the future, you may also observe that plans are being formed and goals are being set. For instance, the acceptance stage of grief may look like channeling your energy toward caring for the family members who remain with you, as opposed to focusing more on your job.

Thus, you have probably reached the acceptance stage of grief when you have recentered yourself, recognizing that the world comes with possibilities and opportunities that you may not have seen while you were in the other stages of grieving.

Finding enjoyment in other aspects of your life

Lois Tonkin once said, “People think that grief slowly gets smaller with time. In reality, grief stays the same size, but slowly, life begins to grow bigger around it.” This quote aptly captures what it means when you view other areas of your life as avenues for you to find joy and pleasure following grief.

Finding enjoyment in other aspects of your life does not mean that you have stopped grieving or that your loved one is no longer worth grieving over. Rather, it simply means that you have a newfound appreciation for what has remained. It means that you may be in the acceptance stage of grief.

Recognizing that grief is a part of life

After going through the other stages of grief, you will likely eventually realize that grief is a natural process and that death or loss is an inescapable part of life. It is indeed difficult to accept loss at first, but over time, you will know that you have arrived at the acceptance stage of grief when you confront the hard truths about loss or mortality.

The Bottom Line

The grieving process has several stages, one of which is the acceptance stage of grief. This grief response entails a recognition that there is still a world to live in, even without the loved one whom you have lost. However, this does not mean that you will ever forget about the feelings associated with loss, death, or separation. To facilitate the process of accepting loss, you can check out these grief worksheets, which provide a deeper understanding of grief and each of its stages.

FAQs

Does reaching the acceptance stage of grief mean I’m “over” the loss?

The acceptance stage of grief does not mean that you have forgotten about the loss that had occurred or that you are rebuilding your life as though the loss never occurred. Having this grief response simply means that you are trying to adjust to a new normal, with the recognition that the loss has deeply impacted you.

What if I never feel like I truly accepted the loss?

Contrary to popular belief, the stages of grief are not necessarily a linear process. It is possible for you to revert to the other stages—denial, anger, bargaining, or depression—even though you have already reached the acceptance stage of grief. As it is with healing and recovery from other issues, when it comes to grieving, you do not necessarily stay in one stage without setbacks or hardships getting in the way. If, for example, you remember that today is the death anniversary of your loved one, it may stir up a lot of old feelings that you thought you have moved on from. This is a common experience, but it does not take away the fact that you have already gotten to the acceptance stage of grief.

Is acceptance the hardest stage of grief?

For some people, acceptance may be the most difficult stage of grief to get to, but there are also others who view other stages as the hardest grief reaction to deal with and navigate. Grief, however universal an experience it may be in life, is a subjective experience as well. As with any other emotion, such as happiness or sadness, grief varies in intensity and duration from one person to another. This sentiment applies to each stage of grief as well.

References:

1. Kubler-Ross E and Kessler D. On grief and grieving: Five stages of grief.
2. Maciejewski PK, Zhang B, Block SD, and others. An empirical examination of the stage theory of grief. 2007.