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Key Takeaways:
- Walking the middle path helps individuals recognize extremes and diversify their perspectives.
- Thinking and acting dialectically means being flexible, open, and understanding. It can improve your relationships, health, and academic or professional success.
- You can start walking the middle path by practicing mindfulness, being flexible, and avoiding quick fixes.
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When something bad happens, jumping straight into action and finding the simplest fix can be tempting. However, you risk making things worse. Walking the middle path is a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skill that can help you recenter and recalibrate when you think in extremes.
If you think you’re doing too much or too little, walking the middle path can help put things in perspective.
What is the “Walking the Middle Path” Skill?
Walking the middle path entails finding the balance between two opposites. It aims to replace “either-or” thinking with a “both-and” approach and opens people up to new and unique ways of thinking.
By walking the middle path, individuals learn to put themselves in another person’s shoes and avoid black-and-white or all-or-nothing thinking.
Related Handout: Walking The Middle Path Skills Handout
What Does Thinking and Acting “Dialectically” Mean?
Thinking dialectically means acknowledging the situation and balancing acceptance and change [*]. To think dialectically, you must consider that opposites can coexist. For instance, you can be happy and sad about something.
Dialectics don’t think in absolutes. Instead, they are flexible and do their best to understand other perspectives. They are good at accepting things as they are but are open to change.
When you think dialectically, you don’t think in extremes. For example, you can be creative and spontaneous while being laid-back and grounded.
Applications of “Waking the Middle Path” Skill
Walking the middle path applies to many aspects of life:
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Relationships. Walking the middle path keeps friendships sustainable, especially when two people hold different beliefs. You can accept and respect another person’s perspective without agreeing and work toward finding a common ground.
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Health. You don’t need extremes to achieve your health goals. Instead of deprivation or over-exertion, you can stay healthy by balancing nutritious meals and regular exercise.
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Social and political issues. Walking the middle path is especially necessary when discussing social and political topics. The goal isn’t to get the other person to agree with you—it’s to accept their stance or belief without belittling them.
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Spiritual and philosophical beliefs. People’s moral principles and spiritual beliefs vary. You can adhere to your beliefs while keeping an open mind to other people’s thoughts and systems.
You can apply the middle path technique in DBT for kids by balancing play and learning, encouraging them to develop a healthy mix of online activities and real-life experiences. In their early stages, kids can learn to manage emotions and improve social interactions by walking the middle path.
On the other hand, walking the middle path as part of DBT for teens can apply to their budding social lives. Teens can use this strategy to balance friendships and school and also to manage instances of peer pressure.
Examples of “Walking the Middle Path”
Walking the middle path is essential to feeling confident, self-assured, and balanced. Teens require lots of validation, and walking the middle path communicates that you understand and accept their emotions.
For example, suppose your teen is a self-proclaimed “tough” person. Their peers may view them as strong or unbreakable, and they might suppress difficult emotions they perceive as “weak.” A teenager who labels themselves “tough” may feel shame or discomfort when they demonstrate signs of “weakness.”
Conversely, teenagers who walk the middle path won’t punish themselves for showing emotions—instead, they can ride the wave of being upset or angry while making good decisions. Encourage your teen to engage in positive self-talk. They can repeat mantras like “I am sad right now, and that’s okay. Tomorrow, I’ll feel better and find another way.”
You can also walk the middle path when practicing DBT with your child. Suppose your child has a learning disability and struggles with reading comprehension. A parent who expects their child to keep up with the rest of their class will set themselves up for disappointment. Instead, parents can walk the middle path with their children by accepting their struggles while finding sustainable ways to help them improve.
How to Walk the Middle Path
Learning to walk the middle path doesn’t happen overnight. However, you can find the perfect balance by incorporating these tips into your daily routine.
Practice mindfulness
DBT mindfulness exercises can help put you in the present moment without feeling judged or overwhelmed. You can be aware of your thoughts and feelings without acting irrationally and learn to accept difficult circumstances without catastrophizing [*].
If working with children, ensure you apply age-appropriate mindfulness activities for kids, such as mindful posing and breathing exercises.
Use dialectical thinking
Using dialectical thinking helps you find the middle ground when having a difficult discussion with someone else. Some tips for thinking or interacting dialectically include:
- Using “and” instead of “but” to avoid dismissing a valid thought
- Validating emotions while understanding you can also feel something contradictory
- Refraining from using extremes like “always” and “never.”
- Considering the opposite perspective
In a conversation, you might use dialectical thinking by saying, “I love you, but I’m upset with you because of the hurtful things you said to me.” Or, after a hard day, you might think, “I’m so exhausted but satisfied with my work.”
Seek balance
Seeking balance is like developing a habit. When every aspect of your life is balanced, you can achieve peace of mind and a healthier outlook.
There are many ways to achieve a balanced life. Learn to say no to things that make your life overwhelming. Engage in activities that give you positive energy. Create a routine that gives you time to rest.
Ultimately, integrating aspects of your life allows personal, social, professional, and academic time to collaborate instead of compete. Doing so will release much tension, help you feel more in control, and provide discipline.
Embrace flexibility
Increasing mental flexibility helps regulate emotions and puts you in the driver’s seat during challenging times. When you accept what you can’t change, you can relieve yourself from anxiety and frustration and focus on your capabilities.
Part of being flexible is stepping back from your thoughts, allowing you to find better ways to manage tricky situations. Flexibility also enables you to see the bigger picture. Instead of hyper-focusing on details, you’ll get to consider your perspective and someone else’s.
Avoid quick fixes
Quick fixes, while easy and satisfying, can cause further issues in the future. There is no such thing as an “overnight success.” These solutions typically demand minimal effort and no guaranteed longevity. Think about quick fixes from the perspective of a crash diet—by restricting yourself, you’ll experience rapid weight loss, but it could cause further health issues.
Instead, focus on slow and steady change. Regular commitment can help you develop better habits and avoid relapses or deviations.
The Bottom Line
Finding balance is vital to nurturing healthy relationships, achieving success, and living a more fulfilling life. Discovering gray areas is an underrated blessing—you can do your best but strive to do better!
Tolerating difficult circumstances and accepting the things you can’t change isn’t always easy. Use our DBT worksheets to find balance in challenging times.
Sources:
- Fruzzetti AE. “Dialectical Thinking.” Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 2022.
- Petrides KV, Gómez MG, Juan‐Carlos Pérez‐González. “Pathways into psychopathology: Modeling the effects of trait emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and irrational beliefs in a clinical sample.” Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 2017.
