Solo Parenting vs. Single Parenting: What's the Difference?

Solo parenting and single parenting may seem like interchangeable terms but are actually different in several ways. Why is it important to distinguish one from the other, though?

It is crucial because these two forms of parenting have been on the rise in recent years. For instance, across the globe, the United States has the highest number of single-parent families. Meanwhile, it has also been observed that people who choose to start their own families alone, also known as solo parents, have been increasing in number, perhaps due in part to more opportunities available for having children [*].

With that said, this article explains the difference between solo and single parenting. Read on to learn about solo vs. single parenting.

What Is Solo Parenting?

Solo parents are single parents who raise minor children alone with no spouse or cohabiting partner. They intentionally choose to become parents at the outset. Thus, they become parents by choice. Examples of solo parents are mothers who seek sperm donors for artificial insemination. They typically would like to have a child without waiting to be married or have a partner.

What Is Single Parenting?

Meanwhile, single parents have a child or have children but are not together with the child’s other biological parent. It is often the case that they are divorced or separated from the other biological parent. In other cases, there are men who opt out of becoming a father when the female partner has an unplanned pregnancy and plans to keep the baby and raise the child. Thus, the woman will become a single parent once the baby is born. Similarly, a father can become a single parent if the mother elects to opt out of her role as a mother or is unable to care for the child. One parent may also become a single parent if the other parent passes away.

What’s the Difference Between Solo Parenting and Single Parenting?

There is a great difference between solo and single parenting. These differences are outlined in the following table [*][*]:

Common Challenges Faced by Solo Parents

There is also a difference between solo and single parenting in terms of the challenges they face. The following are some challenges commonly faced by solo parents:

• Experiences of more stress. Because they assume sole responsibility of caring for their children, solo parents often work longer hours to meet the family’s financial needs [*]. They also typically do not have as much support as married parents. Thus, for the most part, they endure the life stressors they face on their own.
• Behavioral problems in the child. When the solo parent is stressed, their mood also affects the child. In fact, stress is a significant predictor of behavioral problems during a child’s preadolescent period, such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty concentrating. Children of solo parents also tend to suffer from poor academic performance.
• Managing all parenting responsibilities. Since the solo parent does not have someone to share parenting responsibilities with, they have to fulfill all their child’s needs on their own. These needs range from financing the child’s basic physiological needs, education, and healthcare and managing the entire household to spending enough quality time with their child. Shouldering all the responsibilities that could have been shared by two parents could be challenging. However, that is not to say that it is impossible to do.

Common Challenges Faced by Single Parents

Meanwhile, the following are just a few of the challenges faced by single parents:

• Problems relating to divorce or separation. According to research, the legal, interpersonal, and emotional challenges surrounding divorce can considerably hinder single parents from caring for their child in an appropriate manner [*].
• Adjustment problems in the child. Because single parents are faced with major life transitions such as divorce, separation, or death of a spouse, these may lead to negative outcomes such as diminished financial resources, more life stressors, and lower quality of social support. Similar to how the stress of a solo parent negatively impacts their child, the difficulties that single parents face are shared by their children. In other words, it is not only the single parent who has to adjust to the change in life circumstances, but it is also the child who has to adapt; otherwise, they may suffer with behavioral problems or become a highly sensitive child.
• Child’s need to “pick sides”. Sometimes, when parents undergo divorce or separation, arguments ensue wherein the child may feel conflicted and pressured to choose one parent over the other. This can cause a disruption in the emotional connection between the single parent and the child, especially if the child seems to favor the other parent.

Tips for Solo Parents

It is not only the challenges that these parents face that differ; tips for solo parenting versus single parenting differ as well. The following are some tips that can uniquely benefit solo parents:

• Seek support. Surrounding yourself with a quality support system can relieve some of the stress that you may be feeling. These sources of support can maybe help you in caring for your child whenever you need to take a break from parenting life. You can expand your support network by reaching out to extended family members and trusted friends, or fellow parents whom you may have befriended at your child’s daycare or school.
• Make sure that you spend quality time with your child. With all the energy expended on fulfilling all of your parenting responsibilities, it might be the case that you forget to have some one-on-one bonding with your child. If you are really too busy or tired, these moments with them can be as short, sweet, and simple as reading to them before they go to bed, having meals with them, or watching a show together. In other words, do not forget being in the moment with your child, which is also called mindful parenting.
• Negotiate for a more flexible work arrangement. If this option is available to you, it would help substantially if your company or your employer granted you a flexible schedule or any other shift schedule that would better accommodate you in parenting your child. Alternatively, if you can ask your employer whether you can work remotely, that could not only save you from the trouble of having to be away from your child but also save you money that would have been spent for traveling to work.
• Make time for yourself. Sometimes, parents forget that they are human beings, too. However, supporting yourself by practicing self-care is crucial so that you are able to support your child as well. Making time for yourself can vary depending on your needs, wants, and interests, but ultimately, it should serve to revitalize you so that you can take care of your child without that much stress on your mind.

Tips for Single Parents

Finally, there are also some learning experiences that single parents can get after learning about the challenges they may be faced with. Some of these tips and tricks are the following:

• Have open, honest communication with your child. Because single parents are often so due to divorce, separation, or other similar issues, their children may end up feeling lost and confused about the major change in family dynamic. In other cases, you may even notice signs your child doesn’t respect you following the life transition. With that said, it is important to explain to your child as clearly as possible what had happened that led to the change and that it does not reflect on the child’s behavior. In addition, facilitate a dialogue with them wherein they feel safe to talk about their feelings.
• Arrive at a compromise in responsibilities with your co-parent. Co-parenting can be challenging, especially if the single parents are not on good terms with each other. However, for the sake of your child’s welfare, it would be considerably helpful to set and manage expectations with your co-parent in terms of who is responsible for what, when to take turns having the child live with the other, and so on.
• Be consistent in parenting practices. Children need security and a sense of consistency in the way they are being raised. To meet their needs, single parents can continually reinforce the same house rules with their children, regardless of whether they are with the single parent or with the co-parent. For tips on effective parenting practices, you can learn about the rules when parenting an angry child or parenting an anxious child.

The Bottom Line

Now that you have learned the difference between solo and single parenting, where will that knowledge take you next? Although solo parents and single parents share somewhat similar challenges and can learn from the same tips, at the very least, you, as a parent, can be guided on how to go about caring for your child moving forward. With the help of your support system, your self-care practices, and maybe even some of these character education posters to share with your child, you can be more self-assured that you are being a good and effective parent.

References:

1. Jones C, Zadeh S, Jadva V, and Golombok S. Solo fathers and mothers: An exploration of well-being, social support and social approval. 2022.
2. Gringlas M and Weinraub M. The more things change... Single parenting revisited. 1995.
3. Golombok. Parenting in new family forms. 2017.