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Key Takeaways:
- Verbal bullying involves name-calling, making threats, insulting a person’s cultural background, and spreading rumors.
- A child being verbally bullied may be highly self-critical, have low self-esteem, and be socially isolated.
- You can help a child being verbally bullied by speaking with school counselors, teaching them coping skills, and seeking professional help.
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If you’ve heard the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me,” you may wonder whether this is true. However, research shows that this isn’t true. Verbal bullying is widespread, and words have proven to be more than just hurtful—they can affect a child’s mental health far into their adult years.
Regardless of shape or form, bullying can have lifelong effects and seriously affects a child’s sense of self. Learn the effects of verbal bullying and what you can do to support your child.
What is Verbal Bullying?
Verbal bullying involves using one’s words to hurt others. This might include slandering someone’s reputation, using abusive or offensive remarks to refer to a person, making inappropriate comments, or threatening another person.
Someone might excuse verbal bullying as teasing, but it can quickly escalate into making others feel physically and emotionally unsafe.
Unfortunately, verbal bullying is very common, especially online and in school settings. Almost 20% of students enrolled in grades 6 to 12 experience bullying each year, and 15.4% of these students claimed they were bullied by someone they felt was “more powerful” than them [*].
What Counts as Verbal Bullying?
Verbal bullying can occur in person or online, such as through text, email, or direct messaging on social media. Unlike physical bullying, it doesn’t leave visible marks but can have long-term psychological effects.
Verbal bullying might look like this:
- Using derogatory terms and slurs to attack someone’s appearance or intelligence (“You’re so ugly.”)
- Threatening to harm someone (“You better watch your back.”)
- Dismissing hurtful comments as a joke (“Wow, you look fat in that! I’m just kidding.”)
- Ostracizing someone or excluding them through words (“No one wants to be your friend.”)
- Gaslighting or manipulating someone into doubting their choices and emotions (“That’s not even what I meant; you’re just too sensitive.”)
- Spreading rumors or lying about someone to ruin their reputation (“Did you know they smell really bad? You shouldn’t be around them!”)
Why Do Kids Engage in Verbal Bullying?
Kids may engage in verbal bullying because of their upbringing or other issues rooted in social dynamics. For example, some children may desire control or dominance to gain popularity or feel superior to compensate for deep-seated insecurities [*].
Verbal bullying might also indicate emotional dysregulation or the inability to manage anger and frustration [*]. Children might develop these maladaptive coping mechanisms because they don’t know how to express their feelings in a healthy way.
Children might also resort to verbal bullying due to learned behavior at home. If siblings or parents bully each other, this may feel like a normal, natural thing to do.
Developmental challenges can also influence whether a child engages in bullying behavior. For example, a child with immature social skills might struggle with empathy and resort to verbal aggression.
What are Some Examples of Verbal Bullying?
Verbal bullying encompasses a wide range of harmful behaviors. Name-calling is common among school-aged children. Bullies might insult a person’s appearance, race, religious background, gender identity, or other traits.
Other direct and overt examples of verbal bullying include:
- Making unwanted sexual jokes or propositions
- Using intimidating language to instill fear
- Making hurtful jokes and sarcastic remarks
Other examples of verbal bullying may be indirect or covert, such as:
- Lying to damage a person’s reputation
- Anonymous bullying through social media platforms and sending threatening messages without revealing one’s identity
- Restricting social interactions and leaving one out of group activities
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Cyberbullying on social media by posting mean comments or embarrassing photos
How Can I Tell If My Child is Being Verbally Bullied?
Some children hide the fact that they are being verbally bullied because of shame or humiliation. As a parent, it’s important to stay alert for signs of verbal bullying. Here’s what to look out for:
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Behavioral and social changes: Your child might become withdrawn and isolated from friends or stop engaging in activities they used to enjoy. They might “act out” through attention-seeking behaviors like misbehaving or using aggression to cope with frustration.
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Physical and emotional signs: You might notice frequent mood swings or changes in your child’s sleeping habits. They might be unable to fall asleep or struggle to get up in the morning. They might struggle with self-esteem and make remarks like, “I’m not good enough” or “No one likes me.”
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Verbal and relational clues: Children who are victims of bullying might make direct complaints about going to school or seeing certain peers. You might notice that peers constantly ignore them.
How Does Verbal Bullying Impact a Child?
Verbal bullying can significantly impact a child’s mental health. Children who are at the receiving end of verbal bullying are likelier to develop depression and anxiety [*]. Anxiety might occur because the child fears being continuously bullied.
Bullying can also affect a child’s academic performance [*]. Because they don’t want to be around their bullies, children might refuse to go to school and see a drop in their grades. They may also refuse to attend school-related activities like field trips.
Emotionally, children might develop low self-esteem and high self-criticism because of hearing negative criticisms about themselves from their bullies. They might feel insecure about how they look and behave, which may lead them to self-isolate.
What Can Parents and Teachers Do About Verbal Bullying?
Parents and teachers can work together to create a safe learning and playing environment for their kids. With the right emotional support, positive school policies, and lots of collaboration, you can effectively mitigate verbal bullying.
Make everyone feel included
Since most verbal bullying occurs in school, teachers are at the forefront of stopping it. They can make everyone feel included by focusing on group activities and encouraging children to work on their strengths. Through these group activities, you can keep children from comparing themselves to others and reward those who help others.
Use our My Strengths Worksheet to help your child identify what they are good at and what other skills they want to develop.
Support victims and address bullies privately
Confronting a bully at the same time as their victim can be intimidating and put both children in an uncomfortable and volatile position. As a teacher, it’s best to avoid public confrontations that can escalate their behavior and humiliate the victim.
Instead, speak with the bully privately. Help them understand the impact of their actions and encourage empathy for their victim. At the same time, check in with the victim to provide support and offer counseling. Keep monitoring their interactions to safeguard their welfare.
Teach coping skills
It can be challenging for children to cope with the effects of verbal bullying, especially when they want to fight back. Empower them to walk away and avoid giving their bully the satisfaction of a negative reaction. Practice cool-down techniques together, such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or meditation.
Introduce books about bullying to give your child some perspective. They might relate to characters in stories, feel less alone, and be empowered to defend themselves.
Seek help from a professional
As a parent, helping kids deal with bullies can be exhausting—you might feel at a loss for how to help. There may come a time when professional help is necessary.
Start with your family doctor or your child’s pediatrician. Provide as much information as you can on the situation and whether you’ve noticed changes in your child’s behavior. They can refer you to a licensed mental health professional.
The Bottom Line
Verbal bullying can affect a child just as intensely as its physical counterpart. However, being present, observant, and supportive can put your child in a better position to defend themselves and rebuild their self-esteem.
Keep your child motivated by introducing our self-esteem worksheets. You’ll find activities to rebuild your child’s confidence and create a healthier, happier environment.
Sources:
- “Student Reports of Bullying: Results From the 2022 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey.” Institute of Education Sciences, 2022.
- Cho S, Lee JM. “Explaining physical, verbal, and social bullying among bullies, victims of bullying, and bully-victims: Assessing the integrated approach between social control and lifestyles-routine activities theories.” Children and Youth Services Review, 2018.
- Dickson DJ, Laursen B, Valdes O, Håkan Stattin. “Derisive Parenting Fosters Dysregulated Anger in Adolescent Children and Subsequent Difficulties with Peers.” Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 2019.
- da Silva JL, de Oliveira WA, Komatsu AV, et al. “Associations Between Bullying and Depression Among Students in School Transition.” Trends in Psychology, 2020.
- Al-Raqqad HK, Al-Bourini ES, et al. “Student’s perception of school bullying and its impact on academic performance: A longitudinal look.” Arch Argent Pediatrics, 2017.
