6 DBT Skills for Better Emotional Regulation

Emotions are not good or bad — they are messages that tell us something important about our experiences. For instance, fear helps keep us safe, sadness can signal a need for comfort, and anger can alert us to unfair situations.

These big emotions are part of being human, but sometimes they can get in the way of making thoughtful choices. This is where emotional regulation comes in. Emotional regulation is the ability to understand and manage our emotions in effective ways [*].

Rather than trying to get rid of emotions, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches us how to work with them. In this article, you’ll learn six techniques that can help you respond more skillfully to life’s challenges.

STOP

The STOP skill is one of the most practical DBT techniques for those times when emotions feel overwhelming.

Think of it like pressing the pause button on a remote control. Instead of reacting right away, you give yourself a chance to slow down. This allows you to choose your next step carefully. You can use this skill anytime you feel caught up in strong emotions, such as anger or anxiety.

STOP means:

• S - Stop: Pause what you’re doing. Don’t act on your first impulse or say the first thing that comes to mind. Ask yourself, “Can I pause for a moment before I react?”
• T - Take a step back: Create some space between yourself and the situation. Take a few deep breaths, count to ten, or walk away briefly if possible.
• O - Observe: Notice what’s happening both inside and around you. Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and the facts of the situation. Ask, “What is actually happening?”
• P - Proceed mindfully: Choose your next step carefully. Think about which action aligns with your goals and values rather than acting purely on emotion.

A quick reminder about STOP: The STOP skill is not about ignoring your emotions. It’s about creating enough space to choose a better response.

Opposite Action

Opposite Action means doing the opposite of what your strong emotion is pushing you to do. When we experience powerful emotions, we have an automatic urge to react in a certain way. Opposite Action helps us pause and choose a different response when that reaction is not helpful.

The purpose of this skill is to help change the emotion by changing the action. Our behaviors can actually influence how we feel over time.

For example, if you feel ashamed after giving the wrong answer in class, you might normally want to lower your head and avoid eye contact. You may even try to “disappear” by staying silent for the rest of the day.

But using Opposite Action, you would do the opposite. You’d sit up straight, raise your hand again later, or stay engaged with your classmates. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but these actions can help reduce the intensity of the shame.

A quick reminder about Opposite Action: It’s important to commit to the new behavior fully. The more consistently you practice the opposite response, the more likely you are to notice a shift in your feelings.

ABC Please

ABC PLEASE focuses on reducing emotional vulnerability. Think of it as caring for your emotional “foundation.” When we neglect our basic needs, even small stressors can become overwhelming.

The skill has two parts: ABC, which helps us build a life that feels meaningful, and PLEASE, which reminds us to take care of our physical health.

• A - Accumulate positive emotions: Make time for activities that bring you joy or a sense of purpose. This could be listening to music, spending time with your loved ones, reading, gardening, or trying a new hobby.
• B - Build mastery: Challenge yourself to do something that makes you feel accomplished. The goal here is to practice skills that will boost your confidence. Maybe that means learning a new recipe or finishing a project you’ve been putting off.
• C - Cope ahead: Prepare for situations that may be stressful before they happen. Think through how you would handle them. Would you practice deep breathing before a presentation or bring a comforting item to a challenging appointment?

The PLEASE part of this skill focuses on physical well-being:

• Treat Physical ILlness: Address medical concerns and follow your healthcare provider’s treatment recommendations.
• Balanced Eating: This will give your body the energy and nutrients it needs. When we skip meals or don’t eat enough, we may become more irritable and have a hard time managing our emotions.
• Avoid mood-Altering substances: Alcohol, drugs, or other substances can change your mood or affect your thinking. They only give short-term relief.
• Balanced Sleep: Sleep and mental health are connected in a two-way relationship. Poor sleep can contribute to mental health difficulties, while mental health conditions can also disrupt sleep patterns [*].
• Get Exercise: Regular physical activity, such as walking, stretching, dancing, or sports, supports both your body and mind. It releases feel-good brain chemicals that help regulate mood.

A quick reminder about ABC PLEASE: You don’t have to do everything perfectly. Small steps in each area can help.

Build Mastery

Build Mastery is about engaging in activities that help you feel competent. Each time you complete a task or solve a problem, you send yourself the message: “I can handle challenging things.”

The key is to choose activities that are challenging enough to help you grow but realistic enough that you can succeed.

Ask yourself: “What is one small challenge I can take on today?” This might be learning a new skill, organizing a cluttered space, finishing a project, practicing a hobby, or even studying in advance for a test.

After completing a mastery-building activity, pause to recognize your effort. Celebrate the progress you made, no matter how small. Be kind to yourself by recognizing the courage it takes to try something new.

A quick reminder about Build Mastery: Don’t give up right away. Keep going a little longer, and give yourself a small reward for trying.

Cope Ahead

Sometimes it helps to make a plan before facing something stressful. Cope Ahead involves imagining the situation and choosing coping skills that could help. Think of it as a “mental rehearsal” that allows you to feel more prepared.

Here’s how to practice coping ahead:

• Identify the situation you’re worried about.
• Think about which emotions you might feel.
• Choose DBT skills you can use, such as paced breathing, self-soothing, and opposite action.
• Visualize yourself handling the situation successfully.
• Practice your plan. Write it down if needed.

Research shows that mentally rehearsing how we want to respond can increase our confidence in performing a challenging task. It is not a replacement for real-life practice, but it can transfer positively to physical performance [*].

A quick reminder about Cope Ahead: Be as detailed as possible when imagining the successful outcome. Picture exactly what you see, hear, feel, and all the signs it’s going well — so the scene feels real.

Positive Self-Talk

We usually give our friends more patience and kindness than we give ourselves. Positive self-talk means speaking to your inner voice with the same warmth you’d offer someone you care about.

Many successful people use positive self-talk to stay resilient under pressure. Elite athletes like Serena Williams and Michael Phelps, for example, have spoken about using encouraging inner dialogue to manage stress and perform at their best.

It’s normal for the mind to generate automatic negative thoughts when we feel overwhelmed. These thoughts don’t always reflect reality, and we can challenge them with more helpful and realistic ones.

For example:

• “I’m not good enough” can become “I’m still learning and improving.”
• “Everyone will judge me” can become “Most people focus on themselves, and I can get through this.”
• “This is too much for me” can become “I can pause and use my coping skills.”

A quick reminder about Positive Self-Talk: You don’t have to believe every negative thought. Always choose thoughts that help you move forward.

Summary

Strong emotions are a natural part of life, but they don’t have to control your actions. DBT skills take practice, and it’s okay to start with just one technique. The important thing is to use the skills that work best for you.

To continue building these skills, explore our DBT Worksheets for extra support.

References:

1. Chapman, A. L. (2006). Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Current Indications and Unique Elements. Psychiatry (Edgmont), 3(9), 62. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2963469/
2. What are sleep deprivation and deficiency? | NHLBI, NIH. (2022, March 24). NHLBI, NIH. https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/sleep-deprivation
3. Mental rehearsal prepares our minds for real-world action. (2025, July 1). News Center. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/02/mental-rehearsal-prepares-our-minds-for-real-world-action.html