The 6 Stages of Grief

Mourning isn’t easy; going through every stage can feel like a whirlwind. You might grieve the loss of a loved one, a job, or a significant other. Understanding the six stages of grief can help you better prepare for loss and recovery.

In this article, we’ll explore the six stages of grief and what you might experience. We’ll also provide tips for managing grief and when to speak to a professional.

Are There 5 or 6 Stages of Grief?

The original five stages of grief were developed in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross [*]. While Kubler-Ross lists these experiences as “stages,” she emphasizes that they are not linear.

She also emphasizes that individuals may experience only some of these stages while others may experience all of them. Today, the stages of grief have been reinvented to include a sixth stage—reconstruction.

What are the 6 Stages of Grief?

Below is an overview of the six stages of grief and how you might experience them.

Denial

Many people experience denial as a coping mechanism. As an immediate reaction, you might doubt that the experience happened or question its reality.

For example, when losing a loved one, you might wonder if the person informing you has made a mistake identifying them. If you undergo a breakup, you might convince yourself and others that your partner will reconcile with you eventually.

During denial, an individual might become numb or feel like nothing matters anymore. This temporary stage may help you go through the initial shock of a loss.

Anger

Loss can feel unfair, so it’s expected to become angry suddenly. You might wonder, “Why did this happen to me?” If you experienced a breakup, you might think, “How could they do this to me? I hate them!”

Rationally, you may not believe the person is hurting you on purpose, but you might still feel anger toward them emotionally. You might also feel constantly irritable, short-tempered, or bitter.

Remember, anger is a secondary emotion that might be masking pain or intense sadness.

Bargaining

When reality hits, you might fall into the desperate trap of bargaining, even if you know there’s nothing you can do about the situation. During this time of bargaining, you might obsess over what you could’ve done to change the outcome of the situation.

For instance, if you’re going through a divorce, you might wonder whether you drove your partner away and mull over how you could have treated them better.

Depression

Unlike the first few stages of grief, the depression stage may feel less active and more quiet. You might feel alone, isolated, fatigued, exhausted, confused, and distracted during this time. It may feel impossible to overcome the pain, which can become chronic and debilitating.

If you feel stuck or unable to process your feelings, it is essential to speak to a professional or ask family members and friends for support.

Acceptance

Reaching the acceptance stage of grief doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting what happened or “getting over” the situation. However, it does entail accepting that the loss occurred and realizing that you’ll have to move forward with your life.

When you reach acceptance, you become more comfortable reaching out to loved ones or seeking professional help. Of course, this doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about the loss—you’re just in a better place to adjust to a new sense of normality.

Reconstruction

Reconstruction is a “new” stage of grief that involves finding closure and rebuilding aspects of your life that may have become stagnant. “Rebuilding” might mean working with a professional to understand unprocessed trauma, returning to school or work, slowly reintegrating yourself into your friend group, or enjoying hobbies. 

How to Cope with Grief

Coping with grief isn’t a linear process. You might reach the acceptance stage but still feel occasional anger or bargaining. You might feel like you’ve moved on, only to experience a sudden pang of depression or immense sadness.

While you may feel like you’re regressing, it’s important to remind yourself that you aren’t. Managing grief can feel confusing and unpredictable, so going with the motions is crucial. Here are some tips for coping with grief:

• Listen to your emotions. If you feel a particular emotion resulting from your grief, don’t ignore it. Permit yourself to ride the wave of your feelings without judgment.
• Fill your time with productive distractions. Enjoy your favorite hobbies and activities, such as arts and crafts, sports, or social outlets. Consider doing something kind for others, like volunteering.
• Honor your loved one’s memory. If you’ve lost a loved one, find unique ways to honor them, such as creating a scrapbook, writing about them, or recording a song. Doing this can feel cathartic and special.
• Journal. If you don’t feel ready to express yourself to others, write your feelings and thoughts in a journal that you can use to reflect later. If your child has difficulty identifying and understanding their emotions, use one of our feelings and emotions charts to help them understand their sentiments.
• Read about it. Reading about grief can make you feel like you aren’t alone. If you’re going through the stages of grief with a child, discover some of the best grief books for children.
  

Frequently Asked Questions

Do people go through all stages of grief?

Not everyone goes through all stages of grief. Some may experience only a few stages for longer or shorter periods.

How long does each stage of grief last? 

Grief differs for everyone, and some may experience it longer than others. There is no “set” time for the grieving process.

Can someone go through the stages of grief more than once?

People can go through the stages of grief multiple times and stay in certain stages longer than others. You might have ups and downs or experience various stages repeatedly.

Can you experience multiple stages of grief at once?

It’s possible to experience multiple stages of grief at once. You might feel both depressed and angry or in denial yet bargaining for a different outcome. The stages of grief aren’t a prescribed pattern, but it can be helpful to understand what you’re experiencing so you can manage your emotions and responses healthily.

Why haven’t I felt grief right after the loss?

You won’t always feel grief right after loss because you may be in shock. When you experience shock, the body may not respond as it usually does. Some people may experience grief days or even months after the initial loss.

If you don’t experience grief, however, it’s vital to get help. Avoiding or repressing grief can turn into physical and emotional manifestations that negatively affect your health [*].

The Bottom Line

The key to managing the six stages of grief is to understand that no two people experience the same thing. Grief is intensely personal; managing your emotions and moving forward is the most important thing.

If your child is experiencing grief, remember to be patient and understanding. Help them learn more about their feelings with our worksheets on grief.

Sources:

1. Tyrrell P, Seneca Harberger, Schoo C, Siddiqui W. “Kubler-Ross Stages of Dying and Subsequent Models of Grief.” Nih.gov, 2023.
2. Mughal S, Azhar Y, Mahon MM, Siddiqui WJ. “Grief Reaction and Prolonged Grief Disorder.” Nih.gov, 2023.