What is Attachment Parenting?

Many parents form close bonds with their children once they are born. However, some caregivers may need guidance in a parenting style that can foster closeness more effectively. Attachment parenting, for instance, encourages parents to form a much closer relationship with their children.

Similar to other parenting styles, attachment parenting isn’t perfect. This approach has some benefits as well as disadvantages, which we’ll explore in this article. So, what exactly is attachment parenting? Read on to learn more!

What is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a parenting style and philosophy anchored on attachment theory [*], which is based on the concept that how parents connect and respond to their baby’s needs has a lasting effect on the child’s emotional health and future relationships. Parent-child attachment has also been shown to affect mental health, influenced by internal and external factors [*].

However, attachment parenting and attachment theory are not the same thing. This parenting style, which was developed by pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha in the 1980s, is informed by attachment theory. Sears aimed to help parents become aware of attachment theory to help their children regulate their emotions and form secure bonds that will benefit them later in life. This parenting approach also aims to foster confidence, as seen in how responsive parents can be to their children’s needs and how the baby feels assured that their needs will be met.

What are the Main Principles of Attachment Parenting?

The parenting journey is established moment after moment with your child. How these experiences accumulate will grow into a relationship pattern that serves as the template your child will use to interact with the world as they grow up.

The main principles of attachment parenting encapsulate some of the most universal parenting routines, including feeding, sleep, and guidance. Each principle provides parents with a way to learn about the different aspects of healthy parenting. The principles are also related to each other. Here are eight of the main principles of attachment parenting:

• Prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting. This principle encourages parents to lean into the parenting process while reducing negative thoughts and feelings about pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Feed with love and respect. Breastfeeding is an important part of attachment parenting. Feeding your child with love and respect is essential for their well-being and growth. As much as possible, try feeding with breastmilk as this contains essential nutrients for the child.
• Respond with sensitivity. Attachment-based parents respond to every cry, tantrum, or expression with sensitivity and consider each one valid. Parents practicing this parenting approach aim to understand their child’s emotions.
• Use a nurturing touch. Having a mild, soft, and nurturing touch provides babies with soothing relief. Parents may keep their child in contact with them through babywearing, taking baths with their baby, or holding their baby often.
• Engage in nighttime parenting. Where possible, parents can co-sleep with their baby at night. Parents should take care to ensure that babies can sleep safely by their side, reducing risks of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), suffocation, or getting trapped in the covers.
• Provide constant, loving care. Parents using the attachment parenting style should aim to stay present and engaged with their babies. They aim to provide loving and consistent care for as long as possible.
• Practice positive discipline. This principle encourages positive reinforcement and connecting with their baby during moments of tension instead of punitive disciplining.
• Strive for balance in personal life and family. The attachment parenting approach encourages parents to lean into their support systems and practice self-care to avoid parental burnout.

What are the Benefits of Attachment Parenting for My Child?

There are several benefits of attachment parenting for children. These include the following:

• Increased bonding
• Increased child comfort
• Increased cognitive development
• Better stress response
• Better emotional resilience and regulation
• Safer home environment
• Increased confidence to explore
• Fewer behavioral problems

Since attachment parenting is all about comfort, responsiveness to needs, and reduced stress, it may be useful for parenting an anxious child. If you have a child with specific needs, such as a highly sensitive child, then you may also want to consider this type of parenting approach.

What are the Negatives of Attachment Parenting?

Despite having numerous benefits, attachment parenting also has some negatives. Here are the cons of attachment parenting:

• Difficulty returning to healthy sleep patterns for parents
• Difficulty returning to work for parents
• May take a toll on parents’ mental health
• Increased stress on parents from providing for their child's needs 24/7
• Bed-sharing may lead to suffocation or SIDS
• Attachment parenting only considers the role of parents, not other caregivers
• Parents may be more inclined to follow an all-or-nothing approach

Attachment Parenting in Infants

Attachment parenting in infants is based on the parents’ responses to their babies’ cries, which are considered their communication tool. Cries, tantrums, and other expressions allow the baby to guide their parents toward their needs instead of the parents guessing or asserting them.

Let’s explore a few examples of what attachment parenting may look like from birth to age 1.

• Birth. Physical bonding in the form of skin-to-skin contact begins immediately after birth. Breastfeeding also starts as soon as possible after birth, with the mother establishing an on-demand feeding schedule. The parents hold their new baby often, and they also start listening to cries and signals to learn the baby’s needs.
• 0 to 12 months. During infancy, parents are encouraged to hold their baby, often using a safe baby carrier. Breastfeeding continues, with the mother letting the baby direct when feedings occur; pacifiers are avoided in this stage. Parents are responsive to their baby’s cries and treat each need with sensitivity, all while approaching the baby’s negative emotions with empathy. Parents may co-sleep on the same bed or in the same room (the latter is recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics [*]).

Attachment Parenting in Toddlers

Attachment parenting in toddlers follows the same principles. However, the tools are modified as your baby transitions into a more autonomous phase of development. Remember that this style is predominantly child-guided, so their growth will be dependent on how they show signs of readiness.

The attachment parenting style will look different depending on each family. It is useful to follow these general principles for your toddler:

• Breastfeeding can continue past age 1, and the child may be slowly weaned off as directed by their cues.
• Parents continue to respond to their child’s needs with sensitivity and empathy.
• Parents continue to use positive reinforcement and gentle guidance for discipline
• Parents continue to keep close physical contact using toddler carriers and hugs or cuddling
• Sleeping in the same room may continue until the child shows signs that they are ready to sleep independently
• Parents start to allow children to be more autonomous and make decisions in safe and appropriate contexts

How Can I Balance Attachment Parenting with Daily Life?

Attachment parenting can be challenging at times. Here are some ways you can find balance.

• Prioritize self-care. Ensure you're rested and nourished to be the best parent possible. Try to get enough sleep and eat well so you have enough energy to support your parenting duties.
• Build a support system. Sometimes it can be tough to ask for help, especially if you feel that you should be doing it all. Do not forget that it’s perfectly acceptable to rely on partners, family, or friends for help and emotional support. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child.
• Set realistic expectations. No parenting journey is perfect, and chasing after that ideal may prove to be futile. Instead, focus on progress and be grateful for your daily accomplishments.
• Incorporate your baby into your daily routine. Find ways to connect with your child as you go about your daily routine. You may carry them using a carrier as you do chores or be present in the same room at all times while you’re busy with tasks.

Remember, attachment parenting is a journey, and finding balance is a continuous process. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the special bond with your child. You can also follow the principles of mindful parenting, which involve being present and compassionate with your child.

The Bottom Line

Bringing a new baby into the world can change your life in so many ways. Parenting may feel like a strange combination of joy, stress, and generally overwhelming feelings. Attachment parenting is one way to approach nurturing and caring for your children. Learning about it can help you decide whether it’s something you want to implement in your household, as there are benefits as well as attachment parenting criticisms. Whether you choose to use this parenting approach or not, it’s important to be well-informed using tools such as the best parenting books and the guidance of a pediatrician.

References:

1. American Psychological Association. Attachment Theory. 19 April 2018.

Tan R, Yang Y, Huang T, et al. Parent-child attachment and mental health in young adolescents: a moderated mediation analysis. 22 December 2023.
American Academy of Pediatrics. Safe Sleep. 2024.