Aiming for excellence is a good thing, and we want it in our kids, right? When children strive for high standards, they develop discipline and a strong work ethic in the process.
Maladaptive Perfectionism Is Different From Trying to Do Your Best
Imagine a child working on a school project and it's not turning out as well as they had hoped. A perfectionist might think, "I'm a failure. I'll never be able to do this. I should have done it differently."
Using the same scenario, a child with a growth mindset would think, “I'm not satisfied with the current outcome, but I can learn from this experience.”
Can you see the difference? Whereas maladaptive perfectionism has an excessive focus on mistakes, healthy striving acknowledges one’s limitations and adapts to change.
Ways to Overcome or Avoid Maladaptive Perfectionism
Nurture positive inner qualities. The wall art I showed above can serve as a daily reminder of the positive things kids can nurture within themselves, such as patience, confidence, inner peace, and healthy relationships.
Praise the effort, not the outcome. A powerful strategy is to make a habit of praising your child for the effort and process they put into their work, and not the outcome.
Embrace mistakes and failures. Model embracing mistakes as learning opportunities, and reframing failure as step stones on the path to success.
For additional encouragement you can pass along our How To Overcome Perfectionism handout to kids who display a perfectionistic personality. Let them know that striving for excellence is a positive trait, but that perfectionism is an unrealistic thinking pattern that can cause them stress. The handout offers 9 tips using the acronym IMPERFECT, such as:
Practice Being Kind To Yourself
Embrace Mistakes
Reframe Your View On Failure
Focus On Progress
With the right strategies and supports, maladaptive perfectionism can be managed successfully.
*This article was originally published in our email newsletter on September 10, 2024.
