11 Anger Coping Skills for Kids to Calm Outbursts

Anger can be a challenging emotion to process, especially for children. They may struggle to manage their frustration even after resolving the problem. Thus, developing anger coping skills for kids can help them learn to regulate their emotions. This article will explore 11 techniques for helping children understand and manage their anger.

Anger Coping Skills for Kids

Anger is a difficult feeling for children, and it can make them want to “act out” by yelling, throwing things, or hitting others. Mastering coping skills can help children regain control over how they feel. Here are some of the best anger coping skills for kids.

1. Deep breathing

Sometimes, when children feel angry, they hyperventilate. One of the simplest tools for preventing panic attacks is calming the body through deep breathing exercises.

Keep these exercises easy and fun. Bunny breathing, for instance, is a great way to practice short, quick breaths. To do bunny breaths, ask your child to sit up tall and take three short sniffs like a bunny smelling a flower. Then, ask them to breathe out slowly through the nose in one long exhale. 

2. Mindfulness

Children who practice mindfulness are more aware of how their reactions can affect others. As a result, they might be more compassionate and empathetic, as they’ll have “breathing room” to reflect on how they feel.

A great and simple exercise you can practice with your child is a full body scan, which focuses on relaxing each body part individually.

When children practice mindfulness skills, they become less stressed, more resilient, and more focused. It’s best to introduce mindfulness to kids at school age, when they can participate in more structured activities.

3. Progressive muscle relaxation

Anger can make the body tense and even sore. Progressive muscle relaxation, or PMR, can help children ease body pain, relieve tension, and return to the present moment [*].

Create a “PMR script” for your kids by asking them to focus on one body part at a time and how they feel in the moment. For instance, you might ask them to focus on their arms, then reflect on their emotions after relaxing their muscles.

PMR is an excellent outlet for identifying your child’s anger triggers and teaching them to reduce stress naturally.

4. Counting

As soon as your child notices they’re having an angry reaction toward something, ask them to count to ten. Counting slowly gives them time to think about their response before they do something they might regret.

This activity also helps children shift the focus from negative feelings to the act of counting, which can slow down your child’s breathing and help them calm down.

5. Positive self-talk

Noticing negative statements and turning them into positive self-talk can motivate children to change their angry behaviors. For example, if they lose when playing a game with the family, you can help them reframe negative statements like “I can’t do it. I always lose!” to “This is hard, but I know I can win.”

The more children practice positive self-talk, the more optimistic their outlooks will become, even in challenging situations. It can be helpful to encourage your child to use positive affirmations even when they aren’t feeling angry, as it can boost confidence and teach them to cope adaptively.

6. “I” statements

When something external makes a child upset, such as a friend treating them unfairly, it’s easy to focus on placing blame. Teaching your child to use “I” statements when confronting others allows them to express themselves without making the other person feel attacked.

For example, instead of saying “You always make me feel left out during recess,” you can encourage your child to say “I feel left out when we don’t play together during recess.”

“I” statements can effectively de-escalate conflicts and create a more conducive environment for communication. Instead of making the other person feel bad, the friend in question can reflect on how their actions affect your child.

7. Perspective-taking

In the heat of the moment, children might feel their anger is justified no matter what. They might be resistant to considering another point of view. However, teaching your child to perceive the situation from another person’s perspective can keep them from jumping to conclusions and help them anticipate how their words and actions might affect others.

Take this example. Your child has a playdate, and their friend takes the last cookie during snack time without asking. Instead of turning to anger, you can ask your child to focus and reflect on why their friend might’ve taken the last cookie. They might’ve assumed your child didn’t want it. Maybe they were very hungry.

Stepping into the other person’s shoes can help a child understand the reasons behind a person’s actions and motivate them to communicate respectfully.

8. Physical activity

It has long been proven that physical exercise eases anger. It provides a healthy outlet for pent-up, angry energy and promotes the release of endorphins in the body [*].

Running, playing in the park, and dabbling in sports trigger the body’s natural mood boosters. Physical activity also gives kids healthy coping mechanisms instead of resorting to aggressive and destructive behaviors.

9. Creative expressions

Creative expressions like visual art, music, and writing provide a safe and constructive outlet for a child’s anger.

Visual arts like sculpting, for example, engage the child’s tactile sensations, which encourage them to release built-up physical tension. Creative writing, on the other hand, allows children to express their anger through a healthy narrative.

These creative mediums can help children identify and understand triggers while increasing their self-awareness, improving communication skills, and reducing stress.

10. Distraction

Distraction is a simple and immediate method for redirecting a child’s attention away from anger. You can use distraction when your child’s anger makes them frustrated.

However, you can’t just distract your child and leave it at that. You should change the scene by introducing a new activity, such as a simple card game, listening to music, or walking around the neighborhood block.

While distraction is a helpful method for keeping your child grounded, it isn’t enough to help them regulate their emotions [*]. It is best to address your child’s behavior directly or reflect on the experience afterward.

11. Time-outs

Quiet time or time-outs help discourage bad behavior related to anger. They involve removing your child from the challenging situation and guiding them toward positive behavior.

Combine time-outs with strategies for encouraging positive behavior, such as giving your child positive attention and praise for managing angry impulses.

The Bottom Line

Anger is a natural emotion, and all children experience it. But when left unchecked, it can cause them to become emotionally unregulated, aggressive, and even violent.

Teaching coping skills for anger is an excellent way to help your child regulate their responses and stay calm in difficult situations. Discover more ways to help your child manage their anger with our anger management worksheets.

Sources:

1. Jarraya S, Jarraya M, Engel FA. “Kindergarten-Based Progressive Muscle Relaxation Training Enhances Attention and Executive Functioning: A Randomized Controlled Trial.” Perceptual and Motor Skills, 2022.
2. Ouyang N, Liu J. “Effect of physical activity interventions on aggressive behaviors for children and adolescents: A systematic review and meta-analysis.” Aggression and Violent Behavior, 2023.
3. Davis EL, Quiñones-Camacho LE, Buss KA. “The effects of distraction and reappraisal on children’s parasympathetic regulation of sadness and fear.” Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 2016.