Research on Grief in Kids and Teens and How Caregivers Can Help

An article published in the Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma looks at research on childhood grief and points out that not many studies focus on grief as the main issue.

According to the authors, diagnosing and understanding prolonged grief disorder (PGD) in children and adolescents is difficult due to a lack of developmentally appropriate diagnostic criteria. The study also found that using tools that consider a child’s age and cultural background can help understand how they grieve.

The study also found that caregivers play an important role in a child’s dealings with grief. How parents or caregivers respond can affect whether the child grieves in a healthy way.

Caregivers who offer support, teach healthy ways to cope, and create a safe space for the child to express their feelings can help prevent long-term grief issues (or maladaptive grief reactions).

This research is important because the death of a caregiver or loved one is a common and distressing trauma for children. Grieving children are at risk of serious mental and emotional issues, such as depression, trauma-related stress, substance use, and even suicidal thoughts.

Understanding the Research

The authors note that children’s grief can be understood through the lenses of multidimensional grief theory and relational developmental systems (RDS) metatheory:

• The Multidimensional Grief Theory. It says that children’s grief can show up in three ways: Separation Distress, Existential/Identity Distress, and Circumstance-Related Distress. Younger kids may cry or act out because they miss the person who died, while older kids might think about dying to be with them. Existential/Identity Distress makes kids feel unsure of who they are, with younger kids withdrawing and older ones feeling shame or struggling with relationships. Circumstance-Related Distress happens when the way someone dies, like tragically or confusingly, causes strong emotions and confusion, especially if the child doesn’t fully understand it.
• Relational Developmental Systems (RDS) Theory. It says grief responses aren’t fixed but are shaped over time by how the child thinks, feels, and connects with others. This theory suggests that children can cope with grief in a healthy way, especially if they have a supportive environment that meets their needs, such as a caring family or helpful cultural beliefs about death.

Moreover, several factors affect how children grieve, such as how the person died (e.g., suddenly or after a long illness), their relationship with the person who passed, and how much time has passed since the loss.

For example, deaths that are violent or traumatic (like suicide or murder) tend to cause stronger, more complicated grief, while losing a close caregiver usually causes more pain than losing a distant relative.

Another interesting finding is that a caregiver’s response to a grieving child can greatly influence how the child copes with loss. Different types of caregiving behaviors, such as offering emotional support and helping the child manage emotions can help children grieve in a healthier way.

On the other hand, behaviors like avoiding grief discussions or being overly controlling may lead to more complicated or unhealthy grief responses.

Practical Strategies for Parents and Caregivers

Given that adults can influence a grieving child’s response to loss, it is important for them to:

Be emotionally available

Show your child that you are there to support them emotionally. Offer a listening ear when they want to talk and comfort them with physical closeness, such as hugs. Be patient with their feelings and avoid rushing them through the grieving process.

Encourage the child to express their feelings

This can be done through talking, drawing, journaling, or even play. Reassure the child that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, and anger. Let them know that grief is a personal experience, and everyone processes it in their own way and at their own pace.

Here’s a resource on Grief Myths and Truths.

Maintain routines that offer stability

Grieving children may feel uncertain, so keeping familiar routines can help them feel more stable. Keep regular activities such as meals, bedtime, and schoolwork as consistent as possible to give the child a sense of normalcy. This consistency can also help reduce anxiety during a chaotic, emotional time.

Teach them these 10 Coping Skills For Grief.

The authors of the study also note that studies focused on parenting behaviors during bereavement help guide interventions to build resilience in children.

Support your child through grief by checking out our Grief Worksheets and Coping Skills Worksheets.