13 Ways to Improve Your Low Self-Esteem and Build Lasting Confidence

Throughout my career, I’ve encountered many clients who struggle with self-esteem. They might be concerned about their performance at school because of a past failure, or avoid being too ambitious because they feel they lack the skills to succeed. But my clients’ achievements aren’t what dictate their confidence.

Confidence comes from within, and good habits can help you appreciate your real self-worth. Understanding how to improve self-esteem helped many of my clients achieve their greatest goals, and you can do that too.

In this article, I’ll share 13 habits you can implement at any stage of your life and see lasting changes, even when you’re feeling hard on yourself.

13 Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem

Here are 13 simple habits you can introduce to your daily routine that help give you the boost of self-esteem you need.

1. Notice how you talk to yourself

People with low self-esteem are highly critical and may engage in negative self-talk. This type of internal dialogue might include setting unrealistic expectations, catastrophizing, or overgeneralizing. 

For example: 

• “I’ll never be good at this.”
  
• “It’s not going to work anyway.”
  
• “They’re not laughing because I’m not funny.”

Because of this type of language, people who engage in negative self-talk are more likely to fall into a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies. If they genuinely believe they won’t be able to achieve something, they’ll put less effort into it.

The first step to undoing this kind of self-talk is noticing when you do it. I find that jotting down your thoughts in a journal is a great place to start. As you notice how you speak to yourself, you can start turning these negative thoughts into more helpful ones.

If you find yourself saying “I can’t do it,” try reframing this thought into “This is a big challenge, but I’ll do my best.”

2. Do things that match your values

When we align our actions with our values, we build authentic confidence. The reason we see this type of confidence as authentic is that we don’t rely on external validation to feel good.

If my client is having a hard week, I recommend that they set firm boundaries instead of blindly committing to social gatherings just to avoid tension. I remind them that it’s perfectly healthy not to sacrifice time and energy to people-please. Instead, they can remind themselves that, while they value their friends, they can also value their well-being.

You can start by turning abstract goals, such as being kinder or being more honest, into actionable steps, such as complimenting a co-worker or helping a neighbor with a task.

3. Stop waiting until you're perfect

At the core of perfectionism is someone driven by a fear of failure. You might think you’re just “doing your best,” but you’re really functioning under the premise that it’s not acceptable to make mistakes.

Perfectionism amplifies all-or-nothing thinking—something is either 100% perfect or a total failure. Thinking this way forces you to overanalyze everything and requires an extraordinary amount of mental energy.

When you stop waiting for perfection, you start to realize that confidence isn’t about success. It’s about being able to look failure in the face and find ways to adapt and learn. 

4. Keep small promises to yourself

Every time you make a promise to yourself and follow through, it tells your brain that you are a reliable and consistent person. Breaking bigger promises down into smaller ones removes the looming threat of failure. Instead, you can take things slow and steady.

If one of my clients hasn’t exercised in a while, I understand that committing to a 1-hour run might feel like a big endeavor. Instead, I’ll recommend that they take it a step at a time. For example, they might commit to starting with a short 10-minute jog around the block until they can commit to longer periods.

When you keep hitting these tiny targets, you create a winning streak that inspires you to do better.

5. Focus on what you can control

Every now and then, I’ll have a client worry about something that isn’t within their control—global warming, the economy, and problems within my community. But hyperfocusing on this can make them feel helpless because they’re pouring too much mental energy into something they can’t do much about. All these things are within the circle of concern.

Instead, I encourage them to direct their attention towards the differences they can make. These are the things within their circle of control. These include their habits, reactions, efforts, and boundaries. If they’re concerned about problems within their community, whether that be crime, poverty, or people’s welfare, they can channel their efforts into volunteering.

When they work within this smaller scale, they’re not always comparing themselves to bigger outcomes. They’re not constantly asking, “Why am I not doing enough?” because they are doing what they can, and that can make them feel confident in themselves.

6. Celebrate small wins every day

There are some days when getting out of bed feels harder than others, but that doesn’t mean you’re failing. In fact, you have all the more reason to celebrate.

When your brain registers a task as complete, it releases dopamine, which is the chemical behind motivation and learning. When you celebrate a win, the brain creates a positive feedback loop that encourages you to repeat the behavior.

Consciously acknowledging small wins provides proof that you are capable of achieving something, even when it’s hard.

7. Build skills instead of chasing confidence

Chasing confidence is like chasing happiness—the more you don’t feel it, the more disappointing it becomes. Like happiness, confidence is something that requires action. You can’t just sit around and wait for the confidence to do something, or it might never happen.

Skill-building is what can make the difference. We aren’t born “naturally gifted” at something. Everything requires some level of practice. Let’s say you want to learn to play the guitar but aren’t confident enough to start. Spending a bit of time each day to build that skill will make you more confident to take on more challenging chords and even songs.

8. Set boundaries without feeling guilty

When we say “yes” to someone despite knowing we aren’t ready for that commitment, it may seem like we’re doing right by that friend. What’s really happening underneath is that we’re betraying our well-being.

Over time, constantly saying “yes” when you really want to say “no” can lead to resentment, stress, and guilt. The key to overcoming this guilt isn’t to eliminate it, but to break the old habits that make you feel guilty.

When you want to set a firm boundary, don’t try to overexplain yourself. Keep things short and clear. For example, “I won’t be able to make it tonight, but I appreciate the invite!”

9. Spend more time with people who lift you up

People who lift you up aren’t just there to tell you what you want to hear. They support you, give honest feedback, and cheer you on.. When you spend time with people who validate your strengths, you can accept and embrace that you’re worthy of respect.

Positive social comparison shouldn’t threaten your self-worth. It should inspire you to succeed. When someone aligns with your values, you can celebrate each other’s wins and be vulnerable without the fear of being judged.

Strong, supportive relationships build a healthy long-term baseline for your self-worth [*]. Rather than comparing yourselves in unhealthy ways, you encourage each other to learn, improve, and succeed together [*]. 

10. Avoid social comparison

Sometimes, we can’t help but compare ourselves to our peers. Who’s doing better than we are? Who’s not faring as well? While it’s a natural habit, it also creates a lot of self-doubt.

Comparing ourselves to others makes our self-worth contingent on their success. It encourages us to outdo our friends and do everything we can to gain social approval.

A simple trick you can try is to shift the comparison. How are you faring today in comparison to your past self? Reflect on your progress. Congratulate yourself for how far you’ve come.

11. Take care of your body

Taking care of yourself isn’t so much about aesthetics as it is about how you treat your body. If you’re not getting enough sleep, not eating well, and not getting enough movement, your subconscious thinks “I don’t value this body.”

When you shift the focus away from how your body looks and towards what it can do, you build physical resilience and create internal trust. Studies have shown that people with a healthy body image have higher self-esteem [*].

Spending just a few minutes a day on physical movement and strength proves that you’re capable and able to persevere. Similarly, getting enough sleep and having nutritious meals proves that you have strong boundaries and self-respect.

12. Practice self-compassion instead of self-criticism

We might think holding ourselves accountable with a sharp whip is the best way to stay disciplined, but it actually makes us afraid of failure. When we criticize ourselves too much, we remain in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

Self-criticism teaches you that you’re only worthy when you achieve something notable. On the other hand, self-compassion reminds you that you are inherently worthy and that your value isn’t tied to how well you perform.

When my clients tell me they are becoming too critical, I encourage them to take a pause and think about what they need, not what might be wrong with them. For example, if they’ve been lacking the motivation to do work, I tell them to shift the focus away from why they’re being lazy. Instead, I tell them to ask themselves what might be getting them down. Are they tired? Have they eaten well?

Over time, self-compassion can improve self-worth without the need to put others down or indulge in narcissistic behaviors [*].

13. Accept compliments without arguing

Sometimes, we struggle to accept compliments because we don’t feel like we deserve them, especially when we think lowly of ourselves. That’s what we call cognitive dissonance—how praise conflicts with our internal image.

When you receive praise gracefully and with gratitude, you can shape your self-concept around your strengths and good traits. Accepting praise also trains you to accept short, awkward moments of vulnerability.

When receiving a compliment, learn to say “thank you” instead of brushing it off like it was nothing. After all, compliments acknowledge your efforts, not necessarily the outcome.

Build Confidence by Building Trust in Yourself

You don’t need to be perfect to build confidence. In fact, embracing and learning from your mistakes is what can truly help you grasp your self-worth and capabilities.

If you’re looking for ways to build confidence, take a look at our self-esteem worksheets. We feature simple activities and habits you can integrate into your daily routine or use with children.

Sources:

1. Harris MA;Orth U. “The link between self-esteem and social relationships: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.” Journal of personality and social psychology, 2020.
   
2. Vogel EA, Rose JP, Aspiras OG, Edmonds KA, Gallinari EF. “Comparing comparisons: Assimilation and contrast processes and outcomes following social and temporal comparison.” Self and Identity, 2019.
   
3. Sani SHZ, Fathirezaie Z, Brand S, et al. “Physical activity and self-esteem: testing direct and indirect relationships associated with psychological and physical mechanisms.” Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 2016.
   
4. Neff KD, Vonk R. “Self‐Compassion Versus Global Self‐Esteem: Two Different Ways of Relating to Oneself.” Journal of Personality, 2008.