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Talking about depression with your child is never easy. You might be afraid of saying the wrong thing or feel the aching desire to protect your child. The truth is, as parents, we won’t have all the answers. Learning how to talk to kids about depression requires patience, compassion, and deep understanding.
In this article, we’ll look at how to create a strong support system when talking about depression. We’ll look for ways to move from problem-solving to giving comfort, care, and connection.
Finding the right time to talk to your child about depression doesn’t have to feel like a formal session. Instead, you should keep it low-pressure and wait for a calm moment. Make sure they’re comfortable and not distracted.
You don’t want the conversation to come “out of nowhere.” Find natural ways to flow into it. For example, you might strike up a conversation while doing chores or when spending time together before bed.
Gauge how your child reacts. If they start to shut down or get defensive, don’t push them. Reassure them that they don’t have to talk, but that you’re happy to have another discussion when they’re comfortable.
Children may think their sadness is their fault. They often keep their feelings inside. It’s important to reassure your child that they didn’t cause it. Use clear and simple terminology. For example, you might tell your child, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Like any physical illness, you can’t cause depression just by thinking about it.”
In the same thread, explain that depression isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a health condition, just like a cough or cold. Your brain can “get sick,” in the way that other parts of the body can. This handout can be a natural way to introduce the causes of depression and explore what may contribute to depression in young people.
Show that depression can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, and circumstances. It reminds your child that they aren’t alone. Still, you don’t want to position it as an “epidemic.” Remind your child that depression is temporary, and that support from family and friends can go a long way in the healing process.
When talking about depression, knowing what not to say is just as important as knowing what to say. Even with the best intentions, we might say things that can make our kids feel invalidated or guilty.
But how do we know the right thing to say? As a rule, we should avoid saying things that minimize feelings. Saying something like, “You have a great life, what do you have to be sad about?” frames depression as being ungrateful. Instead, you’ll want to validate that feeling. “It must be so overwhelming to feel this way, even when things seem fine.”
Because depression affects energy levels, we might wrongly assume our kids are being lazy or refusing to put in effort. Telling your child, “You’re just being lazy,” can be confusing for them. Instead, you can find ways to encourage them without pushing too hard. “I can see how this depression is so draining. Why don’t we tackle something small today?"
Lastly, you’ll want to avoid assigning blame. We can’t assume why our children are depressed until they confide in us. Avoid saying things like, “It’s because of that fight you had with your friend, isn’t it?” This comes across as dismissive. Instead, give your child the opportunity to share their feelings first. Tell them, “I’d like to understand what’s going on. Are you comfortable sharing that with me?”
Depression can feel incredibly lonely, especially for a child experiencing it for the first time. They may not have the tools or knowledge to address the problem alone. Remind them that they don’t need to feel burdened or ashamed.
If you decide to introduce professional intervention, frame it as a positive step. Reiterate that a therapist isn’t there to “fix something broken.” Instead, they are like mentors who can teach them new skills for managing difficult emotions and situations.
Explain that there are different kinds of professionals who can help in different ways. Children with school-related depression, for example, can seek support from a school counselor. On the other hand, a pediatrician can tell your child how their body may be affecting their emotions.
Occasionally, a child psychiatrist may recommend introducing medication into your child’s routine. Medications like Fluoxetine and Escitalopram help the brain produce serotonin, which helps children regulate their emotions [*]. When discussing medications with your child, frame them as “chemical helpers” that encourage the brain to create “happy hormones.” Reassure them that medication won’t change who they are. The goal is to feel more relaxed, comfortable, and secure.
Related: Treatment for Childhood Depression
Depression can have a profound effect on a child’s daily life. It can affect your child’s body clock, which can make them feel exhausted all the time or have trouble sleeping [*]. You might describe this to your child as “feeling like your batteries are drained all the time.”
Depression can even affect how your child approaches food. They might not have an appetite at all, or they might want to eat all the time as a source of comfort. Our handout on bodily symptoms of depression can help your child better understand the link between the brain and the body.
Most kids might mistakenly assume that depression equals sadness. They might expect to cry all the time or be visibly sad. It’s important to explain to them that depression may not look how we expect. Sometimes, depression will manifest as anger or irritability. Other times, it might look like withdrawing from the things your child used to love and enjoy.
When your child pulls away from friends or struggles in school, it can disrupt their routine. But it’s important not to blame them for this. Remind them that these aren’t personal failures, but an effect of the depression.
When talking to your child about depression, you don’t want to overwhelm them more than they already are. Keeping the conversation going doesn’t mean scheduling long, intense sessions.
It’s best to check in with your child without turning every single conversation into an interview. Gauge how they’re feeling before diving into it. What is their body language telling you? Do they seem open to a conversation?
When checking in, keep things simple. For example, you can ask your child, “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best, how good are you feeling today?” Even when they open up, it’s important to stay at their pace. Avoid rushing the conversation and honor their silence when they need it.
Sometimes, the conversation doesn’t even have to be about their mental health. Simply spending time together can create a sense of connection that helps lower their guard. Parallel activities like walking, journaling, or playing games can make your child feel less defensive [*].
Mental health can be difficult to understand, and talking about depression with your child may feel overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you don’t need to be an expert to talk to your child about their depression. All you need is an open mind, empathy, and good listening skills.
Our depression worksheets for kids and teens can help you open up the conversation with your child. This collection offers helpful resources, coping strategies, and tips for creating a safety plan.
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