Helicopter Parenting and Its Impact on Children

Today’s world places tremendous stress on young people to do well and exceed expectations in all aspects of life. This, in turn, may put a lot of pressure on parents to ensure their children succeed. Whether securing college places or dealing with poor job security, many parents may find themselves micromanaging their children and engaging in helicopter parenting. But what exactly is helicopter parenting, and how does it impact children? Read on to find out.

What is Helicopter Parenting?

Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting that is overprotective and extremely involved in all aspects of a child’s life. The term “helicopter” was coined to show how parents hover over their children’s every move. Parents who engage in this parenting style usually micromanage children and include themselves in every aspect of their kids’ lives.

The helicopter parenting style may stem from a desire to provide continuous support for children and be responsive to their needs. While always keeping an eye on your children may seem like a good thing, experts warn against the effects of taking it too far. We’ll discuss more of that later, but it is first important to learn why parents engage in helicopter parenting in the first place.

Why Do Parents Engage in Helicopter Parenting?

So why is it that parents do helicopter parenting? There are several reasons, including:

• Fear of negative consequences for their kids
• Feelings of anxiety, both for themselves and for their children
• Overcompensating for what they feel they lack in sufficient parenting
• Peer pressure from other parents
• Attempting to protect their children from negative influences
• Judging themselves by their children’s accomplishments
• Trying to do better than their own parents did
• Looking for a sense of purpose in involved parenthood
• Social media pressures
• Raising an only child

These are just some reasons parents might engage in helicopter parenting. While most of the reasons listed here have to do with anxiety and external pressures, some parents may have children with specific needs that they need to look out for, such as the highly sensitive child.

Signs That Someone Might Be a Helicopter Parent

There are also some telltale signs that someone might be a helicopter parent. Here are some characteristics of helicopter parents:

• Having anxiety or being anxious
• Doing children’s schoolwork for them
• Unable to let children fail
• Deciding everything for their children
• Fighting their children’s battles
• Solving problems for their children
• Always correcting their children
• Answering for their children
• Having anxiety about their children
• In constant communication with their child’s teacher
• Their children are becoming too dependent on them as parents
• Their children have low self-esteem and underdeveloped coping skills
• Their children have underdeveloped life skills

As you can see from the signs listed above, being a helicopter parent is mostly about having a lot of anxiety for your children to the point where you are overly involved in their lives.

Effects of Helicopter Parenting on Children

It is worth noting that many helicopter parents truly start with good intentions. However, they struggle to balance being engaged with their kids and letting them experience autonomy, including the risks and failures that may come with it.

Helicopter parents are usually very engaged, and that has many benefits for children, including higher levels of confidence and self-esteem [*] as well as opportunities for growth. However, too much engagement as a result of fear and anxiety on the parents’ end can have detrimental effects on children.

Here are some of the consequences that may arise from helicopter parenting:

Underdeveloped Coping and Life Skills

If parents are always there to catch children when they fall, then they will not have any opportunities to learn how to cope with loss, disappointment, or failure. This can lead to maladaptive behaviors. A 2018 study found that parents who are overly controlling, as helicopter parents tend to be, can impair the child’s ability to regulate their emotions and behavior [*].

Not only that, but parents who always do things for their children prevent them from learning how to do those things themselves. Whether it’s tying their own shoes, clearing their own plates, or packing their own lunches, children may miss the opportunity to learn life skills as a result of helicopter parenting. This may also lead to behavioral problems like disrespect, so watch out for signs that your child does not respect you.

Sense of Entitlement

When parents manage every aspect of their children’s lives, their kids grow accustomed to always having their way and develop a sense of entitlement. Research has shown that children whose parents reportedly exhibited high levels of helicopter parenting showed elevated levels of entitlement [*]. When at an extreme, entitlement may sometimes manifest as anger in children and teens, during which it may help to follow rules when parenting an angry child.

Increased Anxiety

Kids of “helicopter parents” have also been found to have elevated levels of anxiety. A meta-analysis reveals that over-parenting is associated with offspring depression and anxiety [*].

While helicopter parents have good intentions, these consequences emphasize how important it is for children to learn how to learn skills and handle challenges at each stage of childhood and adolescence. Parents must learn to be supportive while still providing children with appropriate levels of autonomy and independence. These tips for parenting an anxious child may help.

Helicopter Parenting Examples

To better illustrate what we have discussed above, here are a few helicopter parenting examples.

Taking homework too seriously

Jonah’s mother sits next to him while he does his homework. Once finished, she checks it thrice before calling the teacher to clarify the instructions to ensure Jonah scores well.

This is an example of helicopter parenting because Jonah’s mother does not let him learn on his own, including achieving or failing. She gets too involved by calling the teacher to check the assignment details.

Being overbearing

Mr. Jones makes sure that he arrives at his daughter’s school gate an hour before class is dismissed. He has brought bottled water, some snacks, an umbrella, and an extra coat. Their house is only five minutes away from school, and the weather is warm and sunny.

This is an example of helicopter parenting because Mr. Jones is being too overbearing and not letting his daughter learn how to walk home from school by herself, especially when it is a short distance away.

Advancing your child

Mrs. Lin hired a retired college guidance counselor to write her daughter’s college admissions essay. They work with the counselor three days a week to improve her SAT scores. Mrs. Lin plans to go to the admissions office of her daughter’s top three choices to “see what she can get done.”

This is an example of helicopter parenting because Mrs. Lin is taking too many morally questionable steps to ensure her daughter’s advancement in her college applications. Instead of letting her daughter’s achievements speak for themselves, she takes control and tries to manipulate the outcome.

These are just a few examples of helicopter parenting. This type of parenting can apply to many situations apart from those listed here.

How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Fortunately, there are some ways that you can avoid helicopter parenting, even if you find yourself already doing it. Here are a few tips.

Give your children space gradually

It’s normal to hover over infants and toddlers, but it’s important to give children space to play independently and with friends as they grow up. The freedom you provide your children will depend on their age and maturity level, but it should generally increase with time.

Provide choices

Rather than controlling what your child does, give them choices. For example, rather than enrolling them into every extracurricular class you find, simply suggest an activity for them to try and let them choose. Continue to express love and support as you give your child more space to choose for themselves.

Try not to rescue your children

It may be tempting to help your children out of every tough situation they are faced with. However, always intervening won’t help them learn to solve the problem for themselves. If the are in real danger, then it is a must to step in immediately, but this won’t be necessary in most cases. Resist the urge to engage in helicopter parent behavior and hold back a little to see if they can work it out for themselves.

Let your children make mistakes

It can be difficult for parents to watch their child struggle or fail, but even children need to make mistakes so they can learn from them. When your child does make a mistake, support your child by discussing how they feel about it and what they can do differently in the future.

Let your child take risks

Risk-taking allows individuals to test their skills and discover what they are capable of, and this applies to children as well. Whether it’s taking off their training wheels, allowing them to try skateboarding, or letting them climb trees, it’s important to let your child take risks. This doesn’t mean allowing children to do activities without safety measures. It’s about teaching them how to be safe and then allowing them some independence so they can learn on their own.

Assign age-appropriate responsibilities

Children can learn responsibility by engaging in age-appropriate tasks. Chores are a great way to teach your child accountability and responsibility, and it will give them an opportunity to contribute to the household in meaningful ways.

Is Helicopter Parenting Bad?

Keeping a close eye on your children is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is an important part of keeping your kids safe and helping them through the struggles of childhood. However, helicopter parenting crosses a boundary into an unhealthy relationship between parents and children. Becoming too involved in your children’s lives can be detrimental to their growth and development. So the answer is yes, helicopter parenting can have negative effects.

Remember that children need independence, autonomy, and opportunities to make mistakes and take risks in order to grow. Unfortunately, helicopter parenting limits children’s abilities to engage in age-appropriate behavior. It’s important to step back and let your children have the space to grow.

The Bottom Line

As your children learn from their mistakes and grow, so will you as parents. It may make you comfortable defaulting to helicopter parenting, but remember that growth and development rarely come from places of comfort. Every parent wants to protect their children and prepare them for the real world, but part of that is letting them figure things out on their own. By having some courage to take on a modified parenting style that gives your children some autonomy, you can avoid the negative aspects of helicopter parenting and raise more independent and fulfilled children.

As you are allowing your child autonomy and independence, our mental health worksheets can support their social-emotional learning and management of emotions.

References:

1. Wairimu M, Macharia S, Muiru A. Analysis of Parental Involvement And Self-Esteem On Secondary School Students In Kieni West Sub-County, Nyeri County, Kenya. 2016.
2. Perry NB, Calkins SD, Keane SP, et al. Childhood self-regulation as a mechanism through which early overcontrolling parenting is associated with adjustment in preadolescence. 2018.
3. Segrin C, Woszidlo A, Givertz M, et al. The Association Between Overparenting, Parent-Child Communication, and Entitlement and Adaptive Traits in Adult Children. 13 March 2012.
4. Zhang Q & Ji W. Overparenting and offspring depression, anxiety, and internalizing symptoms: A meta-analysis. May 2023.