Authoritative vs. Authoritarian Parenting: What’s the Difference?

As a parent, how you decide to raise your child will shape who they are as adults, which makes it normal to feel some level of confusion and pressure. This is especially true when choosing a parenting style. There’s authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, and even helicopter and parallel parenting. Here, we’ll be focusing on two types of parenting that sound like the same thing but are actually very different from one another: authoritative and authoritarian parenting.

How do these parenting styles differ? How will they affect your child’s development? Which one is more suitable for your family’s needs, and how can you implement it in your household?

Read on to learn the difference between authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting.

What is Authoritative Parenting?

Authoritative parenting is a parenting style or approach in which parents are responsive, supportive, and nurturing while setting firm limits on their children. This parenting style is both high in demand and high in responsiveness, which means that while parents are warm to their children, bad behavior also has clear consequences. Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children, set rules, and correct behavior using positive discipline. They listen to their children and engage in active discussion.

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

Authoritarian parenting is another parenting style or approach in which parents are very rigid and use tough rules to control children’s behavior. There is a high demand for control but a low level of responsiveness to children’s needs. Authoritarian parents are often demanding and expect blind obedience without room for negotiation or discussion. They also tend to use punitive measures for discipline while being very strict to form well-behaved children.

What’s the Difference Between Authoritative and Authoritarian Parenting?

While these parenting styles may seem to have some similarities, the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting is made clear in these aspects:

Characteristics

There are certain characteristics that authoritative and authoritarian parents have that make each style distinct.

Authoritative parents allow their children a healthy level of autonomy while setting limits, rules, and boundaries. They are also very responsive to their children’s needs and provide them with options during family discussions and decision-making. Authoritative parents also use positive discipline to reward children for good behavior but do not let bad behavior go unpunished. They let children make their own choices and allow the natural consequences of their actions to take place. Authoritative parents have high but appropriate expectations of their children.

Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, enforce strict rules that are to be obeyed blindly without question or negotiation. They are not warm or nurturing, and they make decisions for their children without involving them in family discussions. Authoritarian parents use punishment, whether verbal or physical, to discipline children. They attempt to control their children’s behavior to a high degree, and they have extremely high expectations and little tolerance for mistakes.

Communication styles

When it comes to communication styles, authoritative parents are very warm and open with their children. They avoid using harsh language and enforcing arbitrary rules and punishments without explanation, which can be very helpful for children with specific needs, such as the highly sensitive child. These parents are less likely to shame their children or attempt to control them by withdrawing love. When children make mistakes or misbehave, authoritative parents talk to them firmly but openly.

Authoritarian parents are more likely to adopt a one-way mode of communication with their children. They establish strict rules that children obey. There is little to no room for negotiation from the child’s end, and rules are not usually explained. Authoritarian parents may also raise their voices and use verbal disciplinary measures.

Emotional climate

The emotional climate refers to the collective feelings and behaviors in a home, which are mainly determined by the approach parents take to handling the household, including parenting.

Authoritative parents provide emotional warmth and validate their children’s feelings while clarifying the structures and rules within the family system [*]. Authoritarian parents exhibit low warmth and often criticize their children, leading the family with an “iron fist.”

Impact on child development

There are different ways in which these two parenting styles can impact child development.

Authoritative parenting often results in children who are responsible, confident, and able to self-regulate [*][*]. These children manage their negative emotions, leading to better emotional health and social outcomes. Children with authoritative parents also grow up with higher self-esteem and independence, high academic achievement, and general school performance [*].

Authoritarian parenting produces exceptionally well-behaved children due to the consequences of misbehaving. These children can follow precise instructions clearly to reach certain goals. However, these children also end up with higher levels of aggression and can be socially inept, shy, and have difficulty making their own decisions [*]. They also have lower levels of self-esteem, and their aggression can turn into difficulty managing anger if not provided with proper guidance. Authoritarian parents may want to look to other resources to discipline aggressive children, such as rules for parenting an angry child. Strict rules and punishments may lead to rebelling against parents and other authority figures later in life.

Examples

To better illustrate authoritative parenting vs. authoritarian parenting, we’ve drafted up some examples that can happen in real life.

Here are some examples of authoritative parenting.

Here are some examples of authoritarian parenting.

Pros & Cons

There are certain advantages and disadvantages to each parenting style. Here we compare the pros and cons of each.

Pros & cons of authoritative parenting:

Pros:

• Social and emotional development
• Academic success
• Autonomy and responsibility
• Positive communication and relationship-building
• Reduced behavior problems
• Adaptability and resilience

Cons:

• High expectations
• Perceived lack of autonomy
• Overdependence on parental approval
• Perfectionism

Pros & cons of authoritarian parenting

Pros:

• Good behavior
• Safety
• High achievement
• Clear boundaries

Cons:

• Over-reliance on rules
• Reduced self-esteem
• Rebellion
• Emotional withdrawal
• Lack of emotional development
• Impairment in social skills
• Strained parent-child relationship

Which Parenting Style is Right for Me?

The optimal parenting approach is tailored to each family's unique needs and dynamics. Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth, clear expectations, and open communication, often fosters confident and resilient children. This style balances parental guidance with child autonomy, creating a supportive environment for growth. However, if there are signs that your child does not respect you, it may be a good idea to rethink your approach.

It is essential to recognize that every family is different. Factors such as cultural background, child temperament, and available resources influence parenting effectiveness. While authoritative parenting is generally beneficial, the "best" approach is one that aligns with your family's values and meets your child's specific requirements. For instance, you may look for tips for parenting an anxious child and choose to modify the authoritative parenting approach to your needs and preferences.

The Bottom Line

As we’ve covered above, there is a significant difference between authoritative vs. authoritarian parents. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all parenting style. Every child is unique, and finding the right balance between setting limits and nurturing your child's individuality is essential. By understanding the characteristics of both authoritative and authoritarian parenting, you can make informed decisions to create a positive and supportive environment for your child's growth and development.

To support your child’s social-emotional development feel free to explore our feelings worksheets and self-esteem worksheets.

References:

1. Encyclopedia of Adolescence. Parenting Style. 2011.
2. Masud H, Ahmad M, Cho K, et al. Parenting Styles and Aggression Among Young Adolescents: A Systematic Review of Literature. 17 May 2019.
3. Morris A, Silk J, Steinberg L, et al. The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation. 14 September 2009.
4. Pong S, Johnston J, Chen V. Authoritarian Parenting and Asian Adolescent School Performance: Insights from the US and Taiwan. 19 May 2014.
5. Masud H, Ahmad M, Cho K, et al. Parenting Styles and Aggression Among Young Adolescents: A Systematic Review of Literature. 17 May 2019.