Authoritative vs. Authoritarian Parenting: What’s the Difference?

September 02, 2024

Key Takeaways:

Authoritative parenting is a parenting style or approach in which parents are responsive, supportive, and nurturing while setting firm limits on their children.
Authoritarian parenting is another parenting style or approach in which parents are very rigid and use tough rules to control children’s behavior.
There are some distinct differences between each parenting style's characteristics, communication styles, emotional climate, and impact on child development.

As a parent, how you decide to raise your child will shape who they are as adults, which makes it normal to feel some level of confusion and pressure. This is especially true when choosing a parenting style. There’s authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting, permissive parenting, and even helicopter and parallel parenting. Here, we’ll be focusing on two types of parenting that sound like the same thing but are actually very different from one another: authoritative and authoritarian parenting.

How do these parenting styles differ? How will they affect your child’s development? Which one is more suitable for your family’s needs, and how can you implement it in your household?

Read on to learn the difference between authoritative vs. authoritarian parenting.

What is Authoritative Parenting?

Authoritative parenting is a parenting style or approach in which parents are responsive, supportive, and nurturing while setting firm limits on their children. This parenting style is both high in demand and high in responsiveness, which means that while parents are warm to their children, bad behavior also has clear consequences. Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children, set rules, and correct behavior using positive discipline. They listen to their children and engage in active discussion.

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

Authoritarian parenting is another parenting style or approach in which parents are very rigid and use tough rules to control children’s behavior. There is a high demand for control but a low level of responsiveness to children’s needs. Authoritarian parents are often demanding and expect blind obedience without room for negotiation or discussion. They also tend to use punitive measures for discipline while being very strict to form well-behaved children.

What’s the Difference Between Authoritative and Authoritarian Parenting?

While these parenting styles may seem to have some similarities, the difference between authoritative and authoritarian parenting is made clear in these aspects:

Differences	Authoritative Parenting	Authoritarian Parenting
Characteristics	Sets rules to be followed Responsive to children’s needs Provide children with options Positive discipline Appropriate expectations Warm and nurturing Involve children in discussions and decision-making Allow natural consequences of behavior Open communication Open for negotiation	Enforces strict rules to be obeyed Unresponsive to children’s needs Few choices for children, if any at all Punitive discipline Unrealistically high expectations Cold and distant Make decisions for the whole family to be strictly followed Attempt to control all aspects of their children’s behavior Lack of communication No negotiation allowed
Communications Styles	Warm and open Avoid using harsh language Explain rules and decisions Less likely to shame children Talk to children openly but firmly when they misbehave	One-way mode of communication with children No negotiation Decisions and rules are not explained Use verbal discipline and may raise voices
Emotional Climate	Validate and openly discuss children’s feelings.	Exhibit low warmth ad often criticize children.
Impact on Child Development	Results in children who are confident, responsible, and able to self-regulate Better emotional health and social outcomes for children Higher self-esteem, independence, and academic performance	Results in well-behaved children who fear consequences Higher levels of aggression, socially inept, with difficulty making own decisions Rebellion against authority figures later in life is common
Examples	A child is caught stealing candy. His parents may: Tell him to return the candy and apologize to the store owner Ground him for two weeks Talk to him about why stealing is wrong Support and encourage him not to steal again	A child is caught stealing candy. His parents may: Yell at him for stealing Spank him Order him to spend the rest of the night in his room without dinner
Pros & Cons	Pros: Social and emotional development Academic success Autonomy and responsibility Positive communication and relationship-building Reduced behavior problems Adaptability and resilience Cons: High expectations Perceived lack of autonomy Overdependence on parental approval Perfectionism	Pros: Good behavior Safety High achievement Clear boundaries Cons: Over-reliance on rules Reduced self-esteem Rebellion Emotional withdrawal Lack of emotional development Impairment in social skills Strained parent-child relationship

Characteristics

There are certain characteristics that authoritative and authoritarian parents have that make each style distinct.

Authoritative parents allow their children a healthy level of autonomy while setting limits, rules, and boundaries. They are also very responsive to their children’s needs and provide them with options during family discussions and decision-making. Authoritative parents also use positive discipline to reward children for good behavior but do not let bad behavior go unpunished. They let children make their own choices and allow the natural consequences of their actions to take place. Authoritative parents have high but appropriate expectations of their children.

Authoritarian parents, on the other hand, enforce strict rules that are to be obeyed blindly without question or negotiation. They are not warm or nurturing, and they make decisions for their children without involving them in family discussions. Authoritarian parents use punishment, whether verbal or physical, to discipline children. They attempt to control their children’s behavior to a high degree, and they have extremely high expectations and little tolerance for mistakes.

Communication styles

When it comes to communication styles, authoritative parents are very warm and open with their children. They avoid using harsh language and enforcing arbitrary rules and punishments without explanation, which can be very helpful for children with specific needs, such as the highly sensitive child. These parents are less likely to shame their children or attempt to control them by withdrawing love. When children make mistakes or misbehave, authoritative parents talk to them firmly but openly.

Authoritarian parents are more likely to adopt a one-way mode of communication with their children. They establish strict rules that children obey. There is little to no room for negotiation from the child’s end, and rules are not usually explained. Authoritarian parents may also raise their voices and use verbal disciplinary measures.

Emotional climate

The emotional climate refers to the collective feelings and behaviors in a home, which are mainly determined by the approach parents take to handling the household, including parenting.

Authoritative parents provide emotional warmth and validate their children’s feelings while clarifying the structures and rules within the family system [*]. Authoritarian parents exhibit low warmth and often criticize their children, leading the family with an “iron fist.”

Impact on child development

There are different ways in which these two parenting styles can impact child development.

Authoritative parenting often results in children who are responsible, confident, and able to self-regulate [*][*]. These children manage their negative emotions, leading to better emotional health and social outcomes. Children with authoritative parents also grow up with higher self-esteem and independence, high academic achievement, and general school performance [*].

Authoritarian parenting produces exceptionally well-behaved children due to the consequences of misbehaving. These children can follow precise instructions clearly to reach certain goals. However, these children also end up with higher levels of aggression and can be socially inept, shy, and have difficulty making their own decisions [*]. They also have lower levels of self-esteem, and their aggression can turn into difficulty managing anger if not provided with proper guidance. Authoritarian parents may want to look to other resources to discipline aggressive children, such as rules for parenting an angry child. Strict rules and punishments may lead to rebelling against parents and other authority figures later in life.

Examples

To better illustrate authoritative parenting vs. authoritarian parenting, we’ve drafted up some examples that can happen in real life.

Here are some examples of authoritative parenting.

Examples	Why is it authoritative?
A parent tells a child that they can only play once they have finished their homework. The parent offers to help and guide their child as they do their homework.	The parent provides positive reinforcement (playtime) for the child while supporting them (helping with homework).
Parents set a household rule stating that children are only allowed 20 minutes of screen time daily. When children refuse, their parents explain to them why this rule is in place.	The parents allow their children to express their feelings and talk to them about why the rule is important. They may offer an alternative activity but stick to the rules and limits they have set.
A teenager is caught drinking alcohol with their friends. Parents ask them about their alcohol use and allow them to be truthful. The teenager opens up about peer pressure, and parents give suggestions and support before choosing a fair punishment for underage drinking.	Parents are still open and supportive even if their teenager has done something wrong. They provide the teen with an avenue to be honest but still set limits and boundaries by giving a fair punishment.

Here are some examples of authoritarian parenting.

Examples	Why is it authoritarian?
A parent tells their child that they can play only if their homework is completed. The parent also says their child will be punished if they do not finish their homework.	The parent provides no room for flexibility or negotiation. They will also apply punishments if the child does not do as they expect.
Parents set a household rule stating that children are not allowed screen time. When children question the rule, their parents verbally punish them.	The parent does not allow their teen to explain or express themselves, and the corresponding punishment for the misbehavior is too harsh.
A teenager is caught drinking alcohol with their friends. Parents verbally berate them about their behavior and choose an extreme punishment, such as grounding for the rest of the year.	The parent does not allow their teen to explain or express themselves, and the corresponding punishment for the misbehavior is too harsh.

Pros & Cons

There are certain advantages and disadvantages to each parenting style. Here we compare the pros and cons of each.

Pros & cons of authoritative parenting:

Pros:

Social and emotional development
Academic success
Autonomy and responsibility
Positive communication and relationship-building
Reduced behavior problems
Adaptability and resilience

Cons:

High expectations
Perceived lack of autonomy
Overdependence on parental approval
Perfectionism

Pros & cons of authoritarian parenting

Pros:

Good behavior
Safety
High achievement
Clear boundaries

Cons:

Over-reliance on rules
Reduced self-esteem
Rebellion
Emotional withdrawal
Lack of emotional development
Impairment in social skills
Strained parent-child relationship

Which Parenting Style is Right for Me?

The optimal parenting approach is tailored to each family's unique needs and dynamics. Authoritative parenting, characterized by warmth, clear expectations, and open communication, often fosters confident and resilient children. This style balances parental guidance with child autonomy, creating a supportive environment for growth. However, if there are signs that your child does not respect you, it may be a good idea to rethink your approach.

It is essential to recognize that every family is different. Factors such as cultural background, child temperament, and available resources influence parenting effectiveness. While authoritative parenting is generally beneficial, the "best" approach is one that aligns with your family's values and meets your child's specific requirements. For instance, you may look for tips for parenting an anxious child and choose to modify the authoritative parenting approach to your needs and preferences.

The Bottom Line

As we’ve covered above, there is a significant difference between authoritative vs. authoritarian parents. Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all parenting style. Every child is unique, and finding the right balance between setting limits and nurturing your child's individuality is essential. By understanding the characteristics of both authoritative and authoritarian parenting, you can make informed decisions to create a positive and supportive environment for your child's growth and development.

To support your child’s social-emotional development feel free to explore our feelings worksheets and self-esteem worksheets.

References:

Encyclopedia of Adolescence. Parenting Style. 2011.
Masud H, Ahmad M, Cho K, et al. Parenting Styles and Aggression Among Young Adolescents: A Systematic Review of Literature. 17 May 2019.
Morris A, Silk J, Steinberg L, et al. The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation. 14 September 2009.
Pong S, Johnston J, Chen V. Authoritarian Parenting and Asian Adolescent School Performance: Insights from the US and Taiwan. 19 May 2014.
Masud H, Ahmad M, Cho K, et al. Parenting Styles and Aggression Among Young Adolescents: A Systematic Review of Literature. 17 May 2019.