Identifying Emotions (for Kids and Teens)

Identifying feelings is an important skill for kids and teens that starts from early childhood. Emotions are like powerful guides that help young individuals understand everyday life experiences. By recognizing emotions, kids and teens can communicate better and build stronger relationships. We’ll look at why emotional awareness matters, what it looks like in different stages of childhood, and tools that can help children develop greater emotional intelligence as they grow into adulthood.

Why Emotional Awareness Matters

Adolescence is often an emotional rollercoaster. From experiencing hormonal changes to academic pressures and forming new friendships, it’s no wonder that young individuals feel overwhelmed or misunderstood.

Emotional intelligence (EI) acts as an anchor during these transformative years. Research has shown that teens with high EI can have more positive responses to emotional problems, perform better academically, and have greater personal well-being [*].

Emotional Awareness by Age

Emotional awareness evolves as children grow and develop. Here are some key characteristics of each stage:

Under 3 Years: Preverbal Emotion Awareness

Babies are like emotional sponges. They have emotions but cannot express them through language just yet. Instead, they show their feelings through crying, laughing, clinging, or even hitting. Babies and toddlers also self-soothe by rocking and sucking on fingers or pacifiers, which are some of the earliest signs of emotional regulation.

What Parents Can Do:

• Offer consistent caregiving to influence the neural pathways that influence emotional regulation positively
• Form secure attachment relationships that build the foundation for emotional intelligence

2-3 Years: Naming Basic Emotions Begins

Toddlers learn to name basic emotions as they enter this stage. They start using words like “happy,” “sad,” or “mad” to express how they feel. Young children also experience a wider range of feelings and start to learn what is and isn’t acceptable. However, they may still act out, especially if they can’t verbalize how they feel.

What Parents Can Do:

• Label emotions to help children connect words to their feelings
• Talk about feelings often
• Validate children’s feelings to let them know it's okay to feel different emotions

4-6 Years: Expanding Emotional Vocabulary

Between the ages of four and six, children begin to develop an expanding emotional vocabulary. They can now recognize more nuanced emotions, like excitement or disappointment. Children also manage emotions more independently as their social understanding grows. They start recognizing emotions in others and understand that multiple feelings can occur simultaneously, such as nervousness and excitement.

What Parents Can Do:

• Introduce diverse words to describe feelings beyond just “happy” or “sad” (this feelings list will help)
• Practice empathy by asking questions like “How do you think they feel?”

7-9 Years: Nuanced Emotional Awareness

Entering formal schooling brings new emotional challenges for 7 to 9-year-olds as they go through academic pressures and growing peer relationships. Kids this age develop more nuanced emotional awareness and begin to identify more complex emotions, like embarrassment and jealousy. Children also become more aware of social and emotional cues and use play to practice their growing social and emotional skills.

What Parents Can Do:

• Discuss complex emotions, such as frustration, anxiety, or pride
• Explore social cues by identifying how people show feelings through body language
• Suggest and practice healthy ways to handle big emotions

10+ Years: Emotional Insight and Empathy

As children enter their pre-teen and teenage years, their emotional world becomes more sophisticated. This stage is all about developing deep emotional insight and empathy. They describe emotions with greater depth and begin to understand why they feel certain ways. Kids this age also demonstrate an understanding of display rules, which are rules about where, when, and how it is appropriate to express certain emotions (e.g., pretending to be happy about receiving a gift you don’t like) [*]. Peer relationships and self-identity also begin to shape emotional expression in kids at this stage.

What Parents Can Do:

• Discuss complex motivations, including why people feel specific ways and the underlying reasons
• Encourage perspective-taking by asking them to consider how others might feel in different situations
• Support identity exploration to help them understand how their emotions relate to who they are

Signs Your Child or Teen May Struggle with Identifying Emotions

Understanding emotions is not always easy. Here are some signs that your child or teenager is struggling to identify their feelings:

• Avoiding or withdrawing from activities they once loved or isolating themselves from friends and family
• Mood changes and irritability, such as low mood or intense emotional outbursts
• Changes in social interactions, including difficulty maintaining friendships or developing social anxiety
• Physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomachaches, or nausea)
• Difficulty focusing and concentrating in school, at home, or during activities
• Increased aggression or overreactions, such as lashing out, having disproportionate reactions to issues, or showing increased anger
• Decline in academic performance
• Changes in sleeping habits, including difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too much

Tools to Help Identify Emotions

A combination of direct teaching and practical activities can help kids and teens understand their emotions. Here are some practical tools you can try:

• Building an emotional vocabulary: Engage students in activities such as brainstorming different shades of "happy" or "sad" or acting out emojis.
• Visualizing feelings: Use visual aids such as emotion wheels, mood scales, or feelings charts.
• Encouraging creative expression: Invite children to express their emotions through drawing or by using metaphors, such as "How's your weather today?" to describe their inner state.
• Doing mindful check-ins: Do regular check-ins with tools like gratitude circles and emotional regulation activities to encourage self-reflection and open communication.
• Practicing reflective listening: Group kids into pairs and let them express their feelings while a partner mirrors their language and recalls similar experiences.
• Using guided worksheets: A feelings check-in worksheet can help kids identify what they’re feeling and figure out healthy ways to cope.

What to Avoid

When helping kids and teens with emotional identification, it’s best to use a supportive and compassionate approach. Here’s what to avoid:

• Minimizing, dismissing, or invalidating feelings
• Offering unsolicited advice or trying to “fix” it
• Being overly critical
• Avoiding uncomfortable or difficult emotions
• Failing to practice active listening
• Shaming or judging emotions

The Bottom Line

Learning how to identify one’s emotions is a lifelong journey that starts in early childhood. How we feel provides valuable information that can be used to learn how to process emotions and develop our emotional intelligence and overall well-being. Kids and teens can practice identifying their emotions by naming the different feelings they experience without judgment. This builds emotional awareness and makes it possible to develop greater understanding and resilience as they grow into adulthood.

FAQs About Identifying Emotions

At what age can kids start identifying emotions?

Babies four to five months old can already show early emotional awareness. They can distinguish facial expressions and different vocal tones. Babies may not be able to name feelings at this age, but these responses lay the foundation for emotional understanding as they grow up.

What if my child or teen won’t talk about feelings?

Children and teens may not always be open to sharing their feelings. Instead of pushing with “why” questions, try creating a secure space and validating their feelings. If needed, let them take time and space for themselves first. Remember, patience is key!

For more resources to support emotional identification feel free to explore our feelings worksheets and handouts.

References:

1. Soriano-Sánchez J & Vázquez D. Benefits of Emotional Intelligence in School Adolescents: A Systematic Review. July 2023
2. Pogosyan M & Engelmann J. How We Read Emotions from Faces. 24 April 2017.