Using the ACCEPTS Skills in DBT to Manage Stress

Stress is a regular part of life, but it doesn’t have to cripple you. With a stress management tool like the DBT ACCEPTS skill, you can learn to cope with difficult situations, regulate emotions, and improve your relationships with others.

Learn more about how the DBT ACCEPTS skill can improve your distress management process!

What are ACCEPT Skills in DBT?

ACCEPT skills in DBT help individuals manage their stress when emotions are high. They focus on what can be done to create immediate relief and often work with other DBT skills, like mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness.

ACCEPT is one of many distress tolerance skills you can implement to face challenges without feeling emotionally handicapped.

Related Handout: DBT ACCEPTS Handout

What are ACCEPT Skills in DBT Used For?

DBT ACCEPTS skills are most helpful when your emotions are highest, as they can quickly address the body’s hormone response. There are many circumstances in which the ACCEPTS skill is most valuable:

• After an argument with a friend or loved one
• Receiving difficult news
• Dealing with loss or grief
• During an anxiety attack
• Before a nerve-wracking event, such as speaking publicly, taking a test, or undergoing a medical procedure

Ultimately, ACCEPTS skills are beneficial for curbing fight-or-flight responses and are a form of DBT for teens and kids. These responses, referred to by psychologist Daniel Goleman as “amygdala hijacks,” impede a person’s ability to respond rationally to a threat [*]. Thus, honing your ACCEPTS skills can prevent you from reacting intensely and emotionally, and instead, you can approach the situation practically and calmly.

What are the Benefits of ACCEPT Skills?

Mastering ACCEPTS skills can give you an advantage in stressful situations. You’ll learn to think clearly, pause before responding, and overcome inner demons. Other benefits of mastering ACCEPTS skills include the following:

• Improved emotion regulation. Because ACCEPTS skills ask you to identify and reflect on your emotions, you’ll learn to handle them better in the future. Instead of succumbing to bad habits, you can effectively identify and accept difficult emotions and overcome them healthily.
• Reduced stress. When you shift the attention away from distressing thoughts and allow yourself to regain control of the situation, you’ll feel less panicked or stressed.
• Enhanced self-awareness. The more you test your ACCEPTS skills, the more you’ll know about yourself. Mastering ACCEPTS skills trains pattern recognition, and with practice, you’ll learn to spot challenging emotions before they manifest.
• Better relationships. By improving your stress management and coping mechanisms, you can improve your relationships with others [*]. Instead of reacting emotionally to a difficult conversation, you can express yourself respectfully and without judgment.

How to Use ACCEPT Skills

ACCEPTS skills are highly flexible and applicable in many situations. Here’s a closer look at applying them in various situations.

Activities

Suppose you have to make a big decision about your career. Maybe you’re anxious about resigning from your job. Taking a short walk around the block or doing yoga can help distract from distressing emotions.

Other activities you can try include:

• Listening to a podcast
• Reading a chapter from a book
• Cooking a meal
• Doing a puzzle
• Writing a letter
• Drawing a picture

Whatever the case, these activities should be generally accessible and straightforward to do.

Contributions

Doing something for someone else can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Suppose you’re at school and anxious about giving a presentation later in the day. You have a free period and are unsure how to calm your emotions.

One option is to reach out to a friend who may also be struggling with schoolwork. By helping them, you shift the focus away from your stress and put yourself in an excellent position to ask for help, too!

Other contributions you can make include:

• Writing a letter to someone going through a tough time
• Helping a neighbor with their chores
• Volunteering at a community center
• Donating clothes, food, or other goods to a charity
• Calling a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while to see how they’re doing

Comparisons

When we say “compare,” we don’t mean using the misfortunes of others to feel better about ourselves. In fact, we urge you to think about these misfortunes to inspire good habits and perseverance.

Reflect on people you know who may have experienced the same challenges. How did they handle the situation? Is there anything you can learn from how they managed their stress?

Alternatively, you might compare the situation to something you’ve overcome in the past as a reminder that if you can jump hurdles once, you can do it again!

Emotions

When shifting your mood, you must first understand your emotions. Recognizing these emotions can help you manage them better in the future.

However, if you’ve previously struggled to identify these troubling emotions, certain tools like feelings and emotions charts can help you put a finger on it.

Pushing Away

While we can’t escape reality, temporarily setting these painful emotions aside can help get you through the moment. Remember, we aren’t burying the emotions—we’re letting them go until we’re ready to face them.

Visualize pushing your distressing emotion away. Imagine physically blocking these negative thoughts with your body or watch them “evaporate” into a cloud and float into the distance.

If practicing this skill with a child, use our calm down visuals to help them through the process. Learn more about DBT for kids and what you can do to equip them to handle tough situations.

Thoughts

It can be challenging to focus on the positive, especially after a distressing incident. However, this step in the ACCEPTS process is imperative for redirecting your thoughts.

Try repeating reassuring affirmations, such as “I can get through this with grace” or “I can overcome my hardships.” You can also try other mental distractions, such as counting from 100, reciting a poem you’ve memorized, or singing a song.

Sensations

Mental distress can affect how you feel physically [*]. For instance, you might become nauseous or lightheaded after a stressful event.

Fortunately, there are many ways to rid yourself of these negative sensations and replace them with positive ones. Here’s what you can do:

• Have a warm bubble bath
• Get a massage
• Go for a quick jog
• Have a quick yoga or Zumba session
• Squeeze a stress ball or play with a fidget toy
• Play with a pet

Related Worksheet: DBT ACCEPTS Worksheet

The Bottom Line

Moving on isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially when big emotions overcome you. However, it’s necessary for the healing process. By adding ACCEPTS to your arsenal of distress tolerance skills, you can handle challenging situations more efficiently and without negatively impacting your mental health.

Couple Your ACCEPTS skills practice with our DBT worksheets to develop well-rounded habits for managing big emotions.

Sources:

1. McCarty R. “The Fight-or-Flight Response.” Elsevier eBooks, 2016.
2. Houghton JD. “Effective Stress Management: A Model of Emotional Intelligence, Self-Leadership, and Student Stress Coping.” Journal of Management Education, 2016.
3. Tajik E, Abd Latiff L, et al. “A study on level of physical activity, depression, anxiety, and stress symptoms among adolescents.” The Journal of Sports Medicine and Physical Fitness, 2016.