Stress in Children: Signs, Causes, and How to Help Your Child Cope

Did you know that the World Health Organization deemed stress the “health epidemic of the 21st century” [*]? It is even more worrisome that stress in children is an equally prevalent phenomenon in this day and age. As parents and caregivers, it is crucial that you are able to walk them through the stress they experience because childhood stress can result in physical and psychological problems [*]. In this article, you will learn how to help your child cope with daily stressors by first being informed about the signs and causes of childhood stress.

What is Stress?

Stress is simply the adaptation of our bodies and minds to change. – Peter G. Hanson

This quote about stress succinctly explains what an individual experiences when they are faced with certain situations. More specifically, stress occurs when a person perceives a threat, real or imagined, that results in either anxiety, tension, or discomfort [*].

Not all stressful experiences are bad, though. If such experiences are mild and expected and occur for just a short time, they can improve adaptive functioning and foster competence [*]. An example of this would be academic stress.

However, childhood stress that is experienced as severe, chronic, and unpredictable can outweigh a child’s ability to regulate themselves [*]. This may cause serious consequences later on.

Signs of Stress in Children

To help your child cope with stress, you first need to discern when they are too stressed to function in a healthy manner. Some signs of stress in children are the following [*, *, *, *, *, *]:

• Poor appetite or unhealthy eating habits
• Headaches
• Bedwetting
• Nightmares or sleep problems
• Tendency toward emotional reactivity
• Regression (a defense mechanism that involves the child reverting to behaviors that are more typical of earlier developmental stages)
• Refusal or reluctance to engage in family or school activities

Causes of Stress in Children

Childhood stressors (events that cause stress) often relate to school and interpersonal relationships. Specifically, though, childhood stress is often caused by the following:

• Worries about academic performance
• Problems with peers, such as social pressures, making friends, and being bullied
• Major life transitions (e.g., moving to another neighborhood or transferring schools)
• Negative self-image
• Body changes (i.e., puberty)
• Family conflicts, such as parental divorce or separation
• Financial problems in the family
• Lack of safety in the home or neighborhood

How Stress Affects a Child’s Health and Development

As mentioned, not all stress is necessarily bad. Good stress, also known as eustress, can bring about positive outcomes in a child’s development across the lifespan because it helps them develop coping skills [*].

However, severe or chronic stress can lead to physical and mental health problems. For example, chronic childhood stress may prevent the immune system from functioning. This is due to cortisol, the body’s stress hormone, working overtime [*]. Other consequences of prolonged exposure to stress include a high risk of cardiovascular disease, poorer mental health, and an increased risk of diseases or illnesses [*].

How to Help a Child Cope With Stress

Fortunately, childhood stress can be mitigated with the appropriate support provided by their parents and teachers. This is because exposure to stress does not necessarily cause irreversible damage to the mind and body [*]. Although there are a variety of ways to help a child cope with stress, the one crucial element in stress reduction is living in a stress-free environment. This is commonly achieved with social support, maintaining hope, and the ability to anticipate stress so that the child can minimize its effects [*].

Apart from encouraging children to engage in stress-relieving activities, here are some things that you can do to help your child cope with stress.

Provide social support

Providing social support means being present with children so that they have someone to rely on when life gets challenging. Research suggests that social support can act as a buffer to stress in children because it gives them room to acquire coping skills and manage their stress [*]. To be able to provide children with social support, the following are some steps you can take [*]:

• Observe them. See whether your child is experiencing stress that they otherwise would not open up about, such as conflict with classmates, difficulty concentrating, and bedwetting.
• Offer praise. Sometimes children just need to know that they are doing their best. Offering praise not only affirms that they are doing well but also shows that you care about their well-being. In addition, offer encouragement and affection, as opposed to punishing them for any lapses in judgment that they make.
• Validate their feelings. On a related note, emotional validation is something that children need for healthy development. To validate their feelings, let your child know that it is okay to feel. It is important that children understand that some emotions may not always feel good, as this will help them come to terms with the realities of life. Additionally, you can foster self-expression by encouraging children to name their emotions so that they can better recognize their feelings.
• Promote a positive outlook. In some cases, children may feel ashamed that they are experiencing stress that they find difficult to cope with. Helping them adopt a positive attitude, as opposed to shaming them, will contribute to a healthier self-esteem [*].
• Offer a safe space for children to talk. Hosting regular check-ins with your child can make them feel safe enough to release their pent-up emotions. When talking about childhood stress with them, listen to them and help them navigate their problems and offer solutions.

Encourage children to think through a problem

Thinking through a problem helps an individual learn how exactly to cope with it. You can help mitigate childhood stress in the following additional ways [*]:

• Lead by example. Demonstrate to children that coping in a healthy manner is possible. To lead by example, manage your emotions, remain calm, and plan how to alleviate stress accordingly. Then, share these plans with your child so that they understand how to cope when faced with their own stressors.
• Be proactive. Stress in children can come unexpectedly and take various forms. You never know when minor stresses can significantly cause them to feel anxious or distressed. With that said, schedule playtime for children so that they can relieve stress.
• Cultivate their thinking skills. For children to be able to think through a problem, they need to know what exactly there is to think about. Help them mull over the consequences of certain actions and behaviors. When they are faced with a stressor, you can ask questions such as, “What can we do about this?” so that they can come up with their own solutions.
• Make use of stories and reading materials. Reading can aid children in anticipating solutions to problems, should they encounter similar situations that the story’s characters have encountered too.
• Offer autonomy and agency. Give children opportunities to exercise control over their lives. Allow your child to make their own decisions about the rules and standards that you set. For example, if you ask your child to clean their room, let them decide how they want to approach this task and organize the things in their room. The more they feel in control, the healthier their responses will be.

Teach children how to anticipate and avoid stressors

Cultivating foresight in children can aid them in knowing how to anticipate so that they can prevent themselves from experiencing certain stressors. Some coping strategies that you can teach your child include changing a behavior, thinking about something else to avoid worrying, or avoiding putting so much weight on the problem.

The following are steps you can take to teach children to foresee events that may cause childhood stress [*]:

• Help them identify their stressors. A reflection question that can guide them is, “What triggered the stress?” Asking this question can allow your child to plan how to cope with the stressor, which may involve avoiding the problem or dealing with it head-on.
• Encourage your child to be proud of themselves. Being proud does not necessarily equate to being arrogant. When children are encouraged to be proud of themselves, they will be more confident that they can handle stressful events. It can also boost their self-esteem in the long run as well [*].
• Teach cognitive reframing. Cognitive reframing means taking a negative thought and turning them into opportunities to learn important life lessons. Childhood stress can be alleviated if children learn and practice restructuring negative thought patterns and turning them into positive ones.
• Guide them through relaxation techniques. An example of a relaxation technique would be to ask the child to close their eyes and visualize peaceful images, such as walking on a beach at sunrise.
• Teach children how to resolve conflicts. Teaching them conflict-resolution strategies can aid children in solving interpersonal problems.
• Keep children informed. If, for example, your family has decided to move to another neighborhood, it is best to inform your children of this transition so that they can adjust accordingly.

Model stress management skills

Always be mindful of managing your negative emotions and the stress you yourself experience. This can provide your child with a role model whom they can emulate.

When to Seek Professional Help

It is not always the case that children require professional help to cope with stress [*]. However, the presence of a mental health provider can be beneficial at times. You will know that it’s time to seek mental healthcare from a therapist or counselor if the signs of stress in your child do not go away. This is especially true in cases where the distress is still apparent even though the stressor is no longer present.

If your child does need counseling or therapy for stress reduction, it may also be helpful to provide them with stress management worksheets, which can go hand in hand with their therapy sessions.

The Bottom Line

Stress in children can be as debilitating as stress in adults, especially when left unmanaged. There are several ways for children to cope with stress, and as an adult supporting your child’s development, it is important that you help them navigate the stress they experience. Therapeutic support and stress management worksheets that teach a variety of coping skills can contribute to your child’s confidence that they can handle any stress that comes their way.

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