Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping Skills

Sometimes, life turns up the volume when we’re least prepared for it, and we reach for habits to help dial the noise down. But determining healthy vs. unhealthy coping skills can really spell the difference between tools that help and ones that hold us back.

In this guide, we’ll discuss practical ways to replace your heavy crutches with healthy strategies that help you move forward.

What are Coping Skills?

Coping skills are strategies people use to manage their emotions in stressful situations. When you use a coping skill, you’re doing what you can to address a stressor, calm down, and protect yourself from mental or psychological harm.

There are different kinds of coping skills: problem-focused, emotion-focused, and social support-seeking.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Coping Skills

Most of us have a go-to habit for dealing with stress. Sometimes it’s taking a long walk. Other times, it’s sitting on the couch and “eating your feelings.” However, not every coping skill is healthy, and it’s important to distinguish between what will make us feel good in the long run and numbing ourselves in the moment. Let’s explore both avenues.

What are Healthy Coping Skills?

Healthy coping skills reduce distress in the moment without avoiding the issue itself or creating another one. You might change your behavior, create a plan, or seek help from a loved one. Across multiple studies, these adaptive coping skills lower stress, anxiety, depression, and adverse consequences [*].

Examples of Healthy Coping Skills

Developing healthy coping skills puts us in a better position to take care of ourselves. We’ll get the relief we need without engaging in risky or harmful behaviors.

The next time you feel anxious or overwhelmed, take a few moments to think about what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way. This simple exercise can help you choose one of these coping skills:

• Problem-focused coping: This coping mechanism involves dealing with the stressor directly. Suppose you have a complicated project due in three days and too much work on your hands. A problem-focused response might involve breaking the project down into smaller, more manageable steps and prioritizing the most important ones. Then, you’ll set aside the appropriate amount of time for each task and minimize distractions. Problem-focused coping is most effective when the situation is controllable and actionable.
• Emotion-focused coping: This type of coping is about managing internal distress when there is nothing you can do about the situation. For example, when receiving tough feedback, it’s normal to feel defensive, argumentative, and even hurt. A healthy response would involve grounding yourself to avoid an emotional spiral and receiving the feedback more constructively.
• Social coping: Some people seek emotional support when they’re feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed. Another form of social support is professional help from a mental health specialist.

What are Unhealthy Coping Skills?

Some strategies may relieve emotional pain, but that doesn’t mean they’re healthy. These strategies may numb or even eliminate the stressor, but only temporarily. Ultimately, they trap you in a stress cycle.

Think of unhealthy coping skills like quick fixes with high interest rates. Eventually, you’ll end up paying for the consequences.

Examples of Unhealthy Coping Skills

Unhealthy coping skills often involve avoidance, withdrawal, and occasional self-harm. Some examples of unhealthy coping skills include the following:

• Emotional numbing: Using substances, such as drugs or alcohol, can numb emotions and “tune out” feelings without needing to process them. This unhealthy coping mechanism can cause long-term physical consequences and worsen mental health problems.
• Avoidance and procrastination: No one wants to deal with a stressor, but if you’re putting it off for too long, the problem can grow larger in the background.
• Negative self-talk and self-blame: We are our own worst critics, but being too harsh on ourselves can lead to significant depression and higher anxiety.
• Social withdrawal: Suppose you hurt a friend. You feel guilty and ashamed to see them, so you withdraw. You might also refuse support. While this act of self-punishment may feel like you’re getting what you deserve, it can make you anxious and depressed.

How to Tell the Difference

Distinguishing between healthy and unhealthy coping skills isn’t necessarily about how you feel in the moment. Instead, you have to reflect on why you turn to these skills and how they might affect you in the long run.

Ask yourself: Does this coping skill create more problems or risks? Are you engaging in maladaptive behaviors, such as avoidance or substance use?

Consider the long-term effects of these coping skills on your relationships and behaviors. Do you need them to get through the day? Are they causing you to isolate from loved ones?

Give your coping mechanism the “after effect” test. Engaging in a healthy coping mechanism might make you feel lighter or more confident. An unhealthy one might feel like a “crash.” The original stressor might return, and you may even develop new feelings of guilt or shame.

Finally, try to distinguish between processing and numbing. Healthy coping mechanisms address the core emotion and help you run through it. Unhealthy ones dodge the real problem and help you navigate around the emotions. Processing might look like acknowledging that you’re feeling angry, then reflecting on your emotions in a journal. Numbing might look like turning your brain off or distracting yourself by indulging in risky behaviors or substances.

How to Replace Unhealthy Coping Skills with Healthy Ones

If you notice that your coping mechanisms aren’t improving your physical, mental, and emotional health in the long run, it may be time to replace those techniques. Here are some tips

• Get proactive: One clever way to start is to treat coping skills as proactive rather than reactive. When we’re upset, we use coping mechanisms to feel better. However, evidence shows that using coping skills proactively can prepare you for future obstacles [*]. For example, you might plan for situations that may trigger strong emotions or circumstances that could derail your plans.
• Adjust access: Another tip for replacing unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthy ones is to make healthy choices more accessible. For example, if meditating works for you when you’re stressed, keep your yoga mat rolled out in the living room after work. You can also make it harder to access unhealthy coping mechanisms. If you tend to spend hours on social media when you’re stressed or feeling insecure, set your apps to lock at a certain time of the night. If you often reach for a bottle of wine when you’re tense, keep them out of reach from where you’d normally store your stash.
• Identify your triggers: Knowing what makes you upset puts you in a better position to anticipate urges. If you already know that stress makes you binge eat, you might consider stocking your pantry with healthier foods.
• Consider the emotional reward: When you engage in an unhealthy coping skill, identify what you gain from this behavior. If you’re a stress eater, you could be seeking comfort, which you can just as easily get from healthier alternatives like hot tea or a weighted blanket.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, there is no “perfect” coping mechanism. Instead, it’s about understanding the differences between healthy vs unhealthy coping strategies and determining what works for you in the long run.

Working with children? Explore our stress management worksheets to find effective techniques or read more about healthy coping skills for kids.

Sources:

1. Chaaya R, Sfeir M, Khoury SE, Sandrella Bou Malhab, Khoury-Malhame ME. “Adaptive versus maladaptive coping strategies: insight from Lebanese young adults navigating multiple crises.” BMC Public Health, 2025.
2. Drummond S, Brough P. “Proactive coping and preventive coping: Evidence for two distinct constructs?” Personality and Individual Differences, 2015.