Many kids experience strong feelings, but when do typical reactions become a concern? An overly emotional child may show intense, immediate reactions to everyday situations. They might cry, throw tantrums, yell, and even hit.
While natural, an explosion of emotions can be physically and mentally demanding on parents. In addition, younger children without the skills to manage their emotions may struggle to self-soothe.
Emotional reactivity is relatively common in preschoolers. More than 80% of preschoolers have occasional tantrums, while just under 10% have daily severe episodes [*].
Understanding the Causes
Children become highly reactive because of their upbringing, developmental stage, and environment.
Younger children may lack the tools to understand why they are frustrated and lash out through tantrums. In most instances, they rely on their parents to co-regulate, which might involve providing physical presence or helping the child name their emotions.
High reactivity may also result from the child’s nature. Some children are naturally more sensitive to certain stimuli, which can push their nervous systems into a state of high alert.
External pressures, stressors, and triggers can also determine how reactive a child becomes over time. A child might become more reactive if they are socially isolated, lack a supportive family environment, or have Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) [*]. Major transitions, such as moving away from home or losing a loved one, can also make a child more reactive.
Another potential cause of high reactivity is an existing condition, such as Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which can cause emotional dysregulation or anxiety disorders, which often activate a child’s fight-or-flight response [*].
Signs of an Overly Emotional Child
Highly emotional children will demonstrate “deeper” reactions than other children. They might appear feisty, passionate, overly empathetic, and even fierce. Other signs of an overly emotional child include the following:
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Low frustration tolerance: When faced with a challenge or task, overly emotional children tend to give up more easily. To them, unfamiliar people, places, and things can feel almost intolerable.
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Fearful and cautious: When overly emotional children encounter a new situation, they may be wary of their surroundings. They cope by clinging closely to their comfort zones (whether it be a security object or their parent/guardian) and resisting anything new.
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Prone to emotional extremes: The orchid-dandelion theory suggests that emotionally intense children (orchids) struggle in most bad settings, while emotionally stable children (dandelions) remain steady across most situations [*].
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Prone to perfectionism: Children with low frustration tolerance struggle to make mistakes. They are prone to perfectionism because of an intense fear of failure.
How to Help an Overly Emotional Child
Your child will learn to handle their emotions over time, but there are many ways you can help at home and in school. Here are a few tips for teaching your child to adopt healthy coping skills for big emotions.
Acknowledge their feelings
Overly emotional children shouldn’t feel like they’re too much. Simple validation can make them feel less lonely and more understood.
Avoid trying to “fix” your child’s mood by saying, “Don’t feel bad. You’ll do better next time.” Doing this will only encourage your child to suppress their feelings rather than accept them and ride the wave of emotions.
Some things you can say to your child to validate their emotions might include:
- I would’ve also felt pretty sad in that situation. I understand why you might’ve felt that way.
- I can see you’re really upset about this. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
- Your friend didn’t want to play with you. I see how that must’ve felt hurtful.
Teach them to separate feelings from behaviors
While your child should know that their feelings are valid, they should also be aware of the actions that follow. For example, you might remind your child that it’s normal to feel angry when they get into an argument with a friend, but that it’s not okay to hit them.
Learning to separate feelings and behaviors can be tough, especially for a younger child, so it’s important to practice coping skills with them. Equip them with techniques like deep breathing, counting backwards from 100, or listening to calming music when they’re overwhelmed.
Practice emotional regulation skills
Children often struggle to control their behavior when they experience intense emotions, so starting early can help them get ahead.
When practicing emotional regulation skills, start simple. Introduce easy techniques like deep breathing, walking away when the situation feels too overwhelming, or indulging in a mood booster, such as playing with a fidget toy or listening to your child’s favorite song.
If you know your child is about to head into a potentially stressful situation, it doesn’t hurt to prepare them. For example, if they get overstimulated when visiting the grocery store, you can prepare them by telling them, “We might see a lot of people at the grocery store today, but you can bring your stuffed animal for comfort or tell me when you need to take a short break and go outside.”
Create a consistent and calm environment
A calm, soothing environment can nurture your child's emotional growth and stability. They thrive on predictability, so creating a routine for meals, homework, chores, and bedtime can make them feel more secure.
Encourage everyone in the family to keep open lines of communication. Remind your child that they can express their feelings to you anytime, and that you’ll do your best to listen and understand where they’re coming from.
Consider designating safe spaces in your home, especially if your child tends to get overstimulated easily. You might assign a space in the living room for quiet reading or create a sensory corner in your child’s bedroom.
Set boundaries
Boundaries help children become less dependent on their caregivers. When children have good boundaries, they can better regulate their emotions and understand when enough is enough. They will also begin to understand how certain behaviors lead to more positive outcomes than others.
Leading by example is a great way to teach your child about boundaries. Practice saying “no” when you feel uncomfortable. If someone crosses a line with you, tell them. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask for some alone time.
An important aspect of boundary-setting is being consistent with your household rules. By doing this, your child will understand what is acceptable and what isn’t.
Anticipate triggers
A child can only overcome their triggers when they know what they are. The process of teaching your child how to identify these triggers involves helping them understand how their bodies respond physically.
Help your child be mindful of how their bodies react before they feel like they’re about to lose control. They might feel warmth in their cheeks, start balling up their fists, or have a racing heart. Ask your child to note these reactions over time and spot repeating patterns.
Know when to seek professional help
Mental health disorders can sometimes be the cause of an overly emotional child. In fact, roughly 10% of children experience clinically significant mental health conditions that can cause high emotional responses [*]. If your child isn’t learning to understand and control their emotions by age 8 or 9, it’s best to seek professional help from their pediatrician [*].
Common conditions that can cause your child to become overly sensitive include obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), general anxiety disorder (GAD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
With early intervention, you can prevent your child from developing long-term issues that may later affect their professional lives and relationships.
The Bottom Line
Feelings can be complex, especially for children who experience them more intensely. The good news is that you can accept your child’s heightened sensitivity while giving them the tools to manage their responses and behavior.
Use our feelings worksheets to help your child become more in tune with how they feel and respond more effectively to different situations.
Sources:
- Ogundele MO. “Behavioural and emotional disorders in childhood: A brief overview for paediatricians.” World Journal of Clinical Pediatrics, 2018.
- Morales-Hidalgo P, Voltas-Moreso N, Hernández-Martínez C, Canals-Sans J. “Emotional problems in preschool and school-aged children with neurodevelopmental disorders in Spain: EPINED epidemiological project.” Research in Developmental Disabilities, 2023.
- Larsen L, Helland MS, Holt T. “The impact of school closure and social isolation on children in vulnerable families during COVID-19: a focus on children’s reactions.” European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2021.
- Moreno S, Rodrigues E, Farzan F. “The theory of orchid and dandelion offers a new subtyping framework for cognitive aging.” Aging, 2023.
- Blader JC, Garrett AS, Pliszka SR. “Annual Research Review: What processes are dysregulated among emotionally dysregulated youth? – a systematic review.” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2025.
- Gleason MM, Goldson E, Yogman MW, et al. “Addressing Early Childhood Emotional and Behavioral Problems.” Pediatrics, 2016.
- Sanchis-Sanchis A, Grau MD, Moliner AR, Morales-Murillo CP. “Effects of Age and Gender in Emotion Regulation of Children and Adolescents.” Frontiers in Psychology, 2020.
