Temper Tantrums in Toddlers and Young Kids

Temper tantrums are every parent’s worst nightmare, especially when they happen in public. Your child might kick, scream, and call you names. They’re a natural part of growing up, but sometimes, temper tantrums can signify deeper issues.

This article will outline what temper tantrums look like, explain why they happen, and what you can do to prevent your child from having them regularly.

What is a Temper Tantrum?

Temper tantrums are sudden, overt outbursts that occur when a child feels overwhelmed and can’t express their emotions verbally [*]. A temper tantrum might look like screaming, thrashing around, stomping feet, or ranting angrily.

These occurrences are brief and intense. They are a normal part of a child’s early development, though frequent and long tantrums lasting more than 30 minutes may require medical intervention.

Why Do Kids Have Temper Tantrums?

Research shows that disruptions in prefrontal regulation can cause children to lose their temper and become irritable. Because the prefrontal cortex is underdeveloped in younger children, they may struggle significantly with emotional regulation and cognitive control.

Children also have temper tantrums when they experience intense emotions they don’t have the words to express. They might feel frustrated when they know what they want but don’t have the words to express it.

What causes and triggers temper tantrums?

Children often have temper tantrums when they can’t get what they want, feel misunderstood, or are in an unpleasant situation. Common triggers might include the following:

• Experiencing something unpleasant, such as a visit to the doctor or dentist
• Being told “no” when they want something
• Feeling hungry, tired, sick, or sleepy
• Suddenly losing access to something they were using (such as a toy or tablet)
• Struggling to communicate because of a small vocabulary or speech delay

Age-by-Age Guide to Temper Tantrums

What temper tantrums look like and how you should handle it depends on how old your child is and what their circumstances are. Below, we’ll take a closer look at the characteristics of temper tantrums by age group.

Toddlers (1–3 Years)

For children in the early stages of development, temper tantrums are often the only way they know how to communicate when frustrated. A toddler might cry intensely, hit their caregiver, flail their arms, or hold their breath in protest.

Toddlers may have one tantrum per day, with each tantrum lasting between 2 and 15 minutes [*]. Tantrums at this age will usually end when the child runs out of energy.

At this age, children are entirely dependent on their parents for sustenance, comfort, and everything else. When their needs aren’t met right away, they might feel helpless or trapped.

At the same time, toddlers have a strong desire for independence and often want to do tasks themselves, even when they aren’t capable yet. When they fail to complete these tasks, they quickly become frustrated.

Related: Toddler Tantrums and How to Deal with Them

Preschoolers (3–5 Years)

Once children outgrow the initial meltdown phase, they begin throwing temper tantrums as a form of power struggle. They might fight back when they feel their parents are too controlling and call them names like “mean” or “bad.”

At this age, kids crave independence even more. They want to put on their own shoes, pack their own bag, and choose what to read at bedtime. When they don’t have this agency, they lash out.

Preschoolers are also more serious about their boundaries. They are clearer about their personal space but still aren’t used to waiting their turn.

Unlike younger children, the typical preschooler faces more social complexity. They’re just learning to wait their turn and share, which can cause friction among friends and classmates.

Older Kids (5+ Years)

By age five and beyond, a child’s tantrums take on deeper-seated internal stressors and issues. Their emotional responses are more complex, and a simple “no” turns into a full-fledged argument.

Some kids might shut down instead of lash out. They’ll internalize, withdraw, or stonewall instead of becoming explosive. If they don’t learn to self-regulate, they might become aggressive and defiant.

There are even more reasons an older child might have temper tantrums. Sometimes, going to school can add a massive cognitive load on your child, which can affect their executive functioning.

What to Do During a Temper Tantrum

When a child throws a tantrum, a parent might sometimes feel stuck or not know how to react. The goal is to make your child feel safe and not escalate the problem further. Here’s how you can achieve these objectives.

Stay Calm

Staying calm is the most effective and powerful thing you can do for your child when they’re overly emotional. Children tend to co-regulate with their caregivers. Your calmness will make them feel safer and remind them that they aren’t in danger.

Ways to keep calm include regulating through deep breaths and reminding yourself that your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time—they are having a hard time.

What to Say (And What Not to Say)

Language is a powerful tool for de-escalation, but you shouldn’t tell a child what they want to hear. Instead, you’ll want to validate their emotions while keeping your boundaries strong.

For example, if they want to watch TV but haven’t yet finished their homework, tell them, “I understand it’s frustrating, and I want you to have a good time too. The sooner you wrap up your assignment, the faster we can enjoy TV time together.”

Avoid using dismissive language, such as telling them to stop crying or that they’re fine when they aren’t. Sometimes, when your child’s tantrum is more intense than usual, the best thing to say is nothing at all. Just being calm can encourage them to calm down.

Safe Ways to Respond Without Escalating

Responding to your child during a temper tantrum involves finding the right balance of acknowledgment without enabling bad behavior.

When you want to show your child that a tantrum isn’t going to get them what they want, the best thing to do is ignore it. Avoid eye contact and don’t try to reason with them. They’ll be too emotional to connect with you.

However, if your child is genuinely overwhelmed and struggling to regulate, it’s better to acknowledge the tantrum. Keep your energy low and calming. Help anchor them with deep breaths and soothing words.

It’s also important to keep your child, yourself, and the people around them safe. If you’re on a busy street, move the child to a quiet space. If they’re holding a toy, water bottle, or anything they can use to hurt themselves or others, take these items away.

What Not to Do During a Temper Tantrum

When your child is having a temper tantrum, it’s important to avoid trying to fix the situation yourself. That’s just one of the things you want to avoid when your child is lashing out and unable to hear you. Here are other things to avoid:

• Trying to reason with your child: An overly emotional child isn’t going to respond well to logic. Don’t try to debate with them or tell them their meltdown isn’t making sense. Doing so will only frustrate them further.
• Yelling back: Yelling at your child will only make them more frustrated, defensive, and even hostile. The goal is to get them to calm down, and yelling will only encourage them to escalate the situation.
• Don’t force them to apologize: Sometimes, temper tantrums are a result of your child being unable to regulate their emotions, which isn’t their fault. Forcing them to apologize might make them suppress their emotions in the future.
• Don’t give in: Giving your child what they want when they throw a tantrum only reinforces the behavior further. They’ll learn that they can kick, scream, and hit to get what they want.

Temper Tantrums in Public: What Parents Can Do Without Feeling Judged

The dreaded public tantrum is an occurrence parents are all too familiar with. They can be embarrassing, especially when it feels like the spotlight is on you. You might feel pressured to “perform” or act your best, but your focus should be on your child.

As parents, we are overly critical of ourselves and often overestimate other people’s expectations of us. The truth is, we’re likely more concerned about how we look than they are!

If the environment is contributing to your child’s tantrum, move to a less overwhelming space like a parking lot, your vehicle, or in the bathroom. Don’t try to reason with your child right then and there. Keep it quick and simple. “I see that you’re upset. Let’s move to a quiet space so you can calm down.”

Let go of the idea of being a perfect parent—none of us are. Remind yourself that your priority is your child’s safety, both physical and emotional.

What to Do After the Temper Tantrum

When your child is calm and the emotional storm has passed, you can take the opportunity to improve how they cope and respond to stressful situations. Here are a few things you can do.

Helping kids name their feelings

Expand your child’s emotional vocabulary by teaching them to name their feelings. Use a feelings list to get them familiar with new and difficult emotions. Encourage them to explore these emotions by using observational language. For example, instead of saying you noticed they were angry, you might say that you saw their hands were balled into fists and that their legs were shaking.

Repairing and reconnecting

When a child throws a tantrum, they might feel disconnected from or even angry at you. Reconnecting with them after experiencing high emotions makes them feel safe and cared for.

Remind them that they aren’t defined by their behaviors. Say something like, “I was a bit hurt when you yelled at me, but I understand you were feeling overwhelmed. I love you and I’m glad you feel better.” If they’re open to it, try to connect physically by giving your child a hug.

Teaching coping skills

When emotions are high, good coping skills can be your child’s secret weapon. Provide tools like 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercises, deep breathing, or assigning a “safe space” in your home for when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Turn these coping skills into routines so your child knows what to do after they’ve calmed down from a tantrum.

How to Prevent Temper Tantrums Before They Start

Understanding how your child reacts to stressors and being aware of their environment is the best way to prevent tantrums.

Watch for early warning signs

Tantrums always happen for a reason, and your child will likely show signs of throwing one. Notice any physical cues, such as fidgeting or pacing. Observe whether their behavior changes or if they become more aggressive. When you notice these changes, intervene immediately. Bring your child to a quiet space where they can ground themselves.

Give choices to increase control

Children throw tantrums because they feel they’ve lost control. You can restore their autonomy by giving them two healthy choices. For example, if they’re refusing to put their shoes on, present them with two options: “Would you rather wear sandals or sneakers?” Doing this removes the focus from the requirement and places it on the choice at hand.

Reduce common triggers

If you know what sets your child off, address the trigger. Hungry? Prepare a healthy snack. Tired? Give them a break or put them down for a nap.

Unmet basic needs can cause significant irritation, so being mindful of and responsive to them can prevent tantrums.

Build predictable routines

Children are less stressed when they know what comes next in their day. Predictability removes the unexpected and reduces your child’s cognitive load. If you’re expecting any changes in their routine, talk with them before this happens and prepare them for the transition.

When are Temper Tantrums a Concern?

Temper tantrums can become a concern if they’re happening all the time, especially if they’re untriggered. Consult your child’s pediatrician when you notice the following symptoms:

• Your child’s tantrums are increasing in intensity instead of decreasing.
• Your child is having tantrums multiple times a day and for longer than 15 minutes.
• Your child is hurting themselves or others.
• Your child’s tantrums are affecting their physical health.
• Your child can’t calm down, no matter how you intervene.

The Bottom Line

Temper tantrums don’t make you a bad parent, but being present for your child can teach them to become more emotionally regulated.

Help your child work through their triggers and stressors with our anger management worksheets and coping skills worksheets.

FAQs

How long do temper tantrums last?

Temper tantrums typically last between 2 and 15 minutes, though the duration can vary depending on the child’s age. For instance, toddlers between 2 and 3 years old usually have 2- to 5-minute tantrums, while most 4-year-olds have shorter tantrums lasting about 4 minutes [*]. 2% to 6% of children have tantrums lasting over 30 minutes [*].

Are tantrums normal every day?

Tantrums can be a normal part of a toddler’s daily life. Studies have found that 12% of 2-year-olds have daily tantrums, though 84% of preschool-age children only have tantrums occasionally [*]. As children get older, they have fewer tantrums.

Should I ignore tantrums?

Whether or not you should ignore tantrums depends on the situation. While ignoring tantrums can sometimes discourage them, ignoring them all the time can cause the tantrums to become longer and more severe.

Do tantrums mean my child is spoiled?

Tantrums don’t automatically indicate that a child is spoiled. However, certain parenting styles or behaviors can increase the frequency and intensity of your child’s tantrums. For example, inconsistent and overbearing parents can make children more likely to throw tantrums.

Sources:

1. Carlson GA, Singh MK, Amaya-Jackson L, et al. “Narrative Review: Impairing Emotional Outbursts: What They Are and What We Should Do About Them.” Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2023.
2. Van den akker AL, Hoffenaar P, Overbeek G. “Temper Tantrums in Toddlers and Preschoolers: Longitudinal Associations with Adjustment Problems.” Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics, 2022.
3. Wakschlag LS, Choi SW, Carter AS, et al. “Defining the developmental parameters of temper loss in early childhood: implications for developmental psychopathology.” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2012.
4. Prutipaisan W, Chunsuwan I, Hansakunachai T, Sritipsukho P. “Characteristics of temper tantrums in 1–6-year-old children and impact on caregivers.” Clinical and Experimental Pediatrics, 2025.
5. Prutipaisan W, Chunsuwan I, Hansakunachai T, Sritipsukho P. “Characteristics of temper tantrums in 1–6-year-old children and impact on caregivers.” Clinical and Experimental Pediatrics, 2025.