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Key Takeaways:
- Coping skills can be immediate for calming the nervous system, short-term to stabilize mood, and long-term for reducing emotional distress over time.
- Helpful coping skills include mindfulness, physical activity, journaling, deep breathing, and talking with someone you trust.
- Unhealthy coping skills include substance use, projecting emotions onto others, chronic avoidance, and emotional numbing.
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In times of stress, the mind is our emotional bodyguard. But when we’re hit with multiple triggers, our thoughts can quickly spiral out of control. Learning coping skills for emotions is the first step toward reclaiming control in these situations.
Understanding how to cope when things get tough is less about “fixing” your reaction and more about knowing how to weather your emotional storms. This article will explore the different types of coping skills and how to apply them in times of stress.
Why Difficult Emotions Feel So Overwhelming (And Why That’s Normal)
Sometimes, emotions become overwhelming because they exceed our capacity to cope. If you’ve had a bad day at work, dealt with a flat tire on the way home, and returned to a messy household, it can make you want to shut down. All these triggers—uncertainty, stress, and recurring experiences—can make us feel like we’re not safe.
When our emotions feel out of control, emotional regulation becomes our friend. When we acknowledge the trigger and take the steps to put out our emotional fires, we can regain control of our responses.
Types of Coping Skills (And When to Use Each)
The coping skills you use will depend on the situation you’re facing. Some coping skills can help us in an instant, while others are a long-term practice. Here are the different types of coping skills you can apply.
Immediate Coping Skills
Immediate coping skills help us reduce anxiety as quickly as possible. They help calm a racing heart, slow rapid breaths, and make us feel more in control.
Let’s say you’re about to deliver a speech in front of a crowd. Your heart starts pounding when you realize how many people are watching. You start to hyperventilate. Deep breathing is an immediate coping skill that can regulate your anxiety, prevent overthinking, and ground you in the present moment.
You can also apply these coping skills if you’re nervous about trying something new, such as starting a new job or trying a new sport.
Short-Term Coping Skills
Sometimes, stress occurs throughout the day. If you’re preparing to submit an assignment at the end of the day, you might feel antsy, impatient, and anxious all morning. Short-term coping skills help you curb invasive thoughts and stabilize your mood.
Short-term skills follow immediate exercises. They restore baseline functioning once the initial anxiety subsides. For sensory overload, for example, walking into a quiet room or getting some fresh air outside for a few minutes can help reset your mind.
Long-Term Coping Skills
If immediate and short-term coping skills are a reaction to your environment, long-term coping skills are more proactive. They improve your capacity for managing stress and are designed to increase your emotional resilience.
Suppose your biggest stressor is your daily workload. You’re often burned out and physically exhausted. Long-term coping skills like setting healthy boundaries, dedicating time to self-care, and finding ways to stay physically healthy can make your day-to-day more manageable.
These skills can be helpful for gradual changes, such as moving to a new city, beginning a new career, or dealing with a loss in the family.
10 Healthy Coping Skills You Can Use to Deal with Difficult Emotions
Whether stressed, angry, overwhelmed, or frustrated, you can use these coping skills to help regulate intense emotions.
1. Deep breathing exercises
Deep breathing triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which lowers heart rate, loosens the body, and calms the mind, making it a common recommendation when emotions are high. When panicked, slow, deep breaths trigger the vagus nerve, signaling the brain to release neurotransmitters that act like natural tranquilizers [*].
In high-stress situations, try box breathing: breathe in for four counts, hold for four, then exhale for four.
2. Mindfulness exercises
Mindfulness isn't about clearing your mind; it's about observing your environment as it is. When stressed, we often catastrophize, worrying about the worst outcomes.
Mindfulness exercises help by naming emotions and creating mental distance. For example, if agitated by a lost phone, say, "I'm frustrated because I can't remember where I put it," rather than, "I'm so forgetful!" This prevents you from feeling defined by the act.
Other practices include sensory grounding—observing your environment through sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch—or internal body awareness.
3. Grounding exercises
Grounding, like mindfulness, brings you to the present when thoughts spiral. Focusing on your surroundings shifts your brain's attention from racing thoughts.
Use grounding techniques when you feel anxious. Before emotions take over, anchor yourself. Press your feet to the ground, take deep breaths, and focus on your body.
Grounding isn't about suppressing emotions. It's about acknowledging and allowing them to flow through you.
4. Reframing
Anxiety often leads to focusing on negative thoughts: What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? This creates tunnel vision. Reframing shifts thoughts toward the positive, preventing obsession with the negative.
Consider an urgent meeting request from your boss. Anxiety might convince you they're upset, and you'll lose your job. Reframing, however, offers: "I'm not going to assume what this is about until we get to talk. I've been doing a good job recently, and I'm confident in my abilities."
5. Labeling emotions
The psychological saying "name it to tame it" highlights how labeling emotions powerfully shifts perspective and internal experiences.
Intense emotions activate the amygdala, sending danger signals [*]. Labeling them slows these signals by creating separation. Since anxiety often stems from the unknown, making emotions known and tangible helps us decide what to do next.
For example, knowing you're stressed by a mounting to-do list helps prioritize urgent tasks over those that can wait.
If you're unsure how to describe what you're feeling, check out our feelings list to help identify and label your emotions.:
6. Physical activities
Physical activities, such as shaking it off, doing a few jumping jacks, or performing wall pushes, give us an outlet for overwhelming emotions. When we feel stuck, a burst of energy can reduce adrenaline and cortisol levels in the body [*].
For overthinking or anxiety, rhythmic, intentional movements like stretching or sensory walks can ground you. For high-energy emotions like anger or frustration, a powerful release is more effective: a short run or a few push-ups.
7. Journaling
When you’re anxious, do you experience “tangled” thoughts? Does your mind feel jumbled? That’s normal, and journaling can help you organize this mess of emotions.
Writing asks us to turn abstract emotions into something we externalize. When you create psychological distance from what you’re feeling internally, you can reflect on what made you feel these emotions and why.
8. Talking to someone
Like with children, adults need co-regulation too. Talking to someone we trust when we’re going through something stressful or difficult can make us feel safe, anchored, and cared for.
If you’re having a conversation with someone who is calm, empathetic, and compassionate, it can help calm your nervous system. Even just hearing someone say “I understand,” can provide the reassurance you need.
9. Music
Music activates the limbic system, which is the part of the brain responsible for emotions and memory [*]. Listening to music releases dopamine—the feel-good part of the nervous system. That’s why listening to music when you’re emotional can lift the “heaviness” of painful emotions.
Good times to listen to music when you’re stressed include when you need to find your center, interrupt a burst of anger, or hit the brakes on a panic attack.
10. Painting/Drawing
Artistic expression helps us bring our subconscious emotions and conscious awareness together. The tactile grounding we experience from activities like painting, drawing, sewing, or sculpting with clay pulls the focus from racing thoughts and into our hands.
Can’t verbalize what you’re feeling? Visualize it on a piece of paper. Need to anchor your mind? Draw repetitive shapes and doodles to refocus.
You can look back at your art as a way to reflect on how you’ve grown and how you’ve learned to cope with certain emotions. Our Creative Outlets handout outlines other artistic ways to express emotions and how they can benefit you.
Coping Skills That Can Make Difficult Emotions Worse
While it’s counterintuitive, some people cope through maladaptive habits. These habits provide immediate relief but can be damaging in the long run. These include:
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Emotional numbing or distraction tactics: substance use, “doomscrolling,” burying yourself in work to avoid addressing the problem
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Bottling up or suppressing emotions: refusing to cry because you think it’s weak, ignoring somatic symptoms
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Obsessing and ruminating: replaying the situation in your head and thinking about what you could’ve done better, spending hours researching an illness without professional advice
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Projecting and displacing aggression: taking frustrations out on friends or family, blaming others
Choosing the Right Coping Skill for the Moment
Choosing the right coping skill for the current situation is about assessing your energy levels, whether you are in a crisis, and what you need to process.
For example, if you are angry, explosive, and jittery, you need a high-energy coping skill to match your current emotions. This might include shaking it out or screaming into a pillow. Low energy? Do some gentle stretching or a five-minute meditation.
Think about whether you have time to process your emotions or just need to get through the next hour. Heading into a stressful board meeting? Find ways to ground yourself before you walk in.
When Coping Skills Aren’t Enough
Coping skills are helpful for day-to-day stress, even in the long term. However, there are times when seeking support is necessary.
The most obvious sign that coping skills aren’t enough is when your daily functioning starts to decline. If you find it increasingly difficult to maintain basic self-care, such as hygiene, eating regular meals, or managing fatigued, it may be time to speak with a professional.
Other critical signs include wanting to self-harm, becoming dependent on substances, or feeling disconnected from reality.
The Bottom Line
With the right coping skills, daily stressors and triggers no longer feel debilitating. While we can’t avoid stress and anxiety, having the tools to manage our reactions can put us in a better position to make the right decisions for ourselves.
Browse our stress management worksheets and anxiety worksheets for other resources on managing stress and triggers.
Sources:
- Gerritsen RJS, Band GPH. “Breath of Life: The Respiratory Vagal Stimulation Model of Contemplative Activity.” Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 2018.
- Šimić G, Tkalčić M, Vukić V, et al. “Understanding Emotions: Origins and Roles of the Amygdala.” Biomolecules, 2021.
- De Nys L, Anderson K, Ofosu EF, Ryde GC, Connelly J, Whittaker AC. “The effects of physical activity on cortisol and sleep: A systematic review and meta-analysis.” Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2022.
- Toader C, Tataru CP, Florian IA, et al. “Cognitive Crescendo: How Music Shapes the Brain’s Structure and Function.” Brain Sciences, 2023.
