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Key Takeaways:
- Mental health check-ins give parents an opportunity to identify their child’s struggles and help them reflect on their emotions.
- You can conduct a simple check-in by using age-appropriate language, listening actively to your child, and having discussions in a low-pressure environment.
- It might be time to seek professional help if your child is having frequent, intense outbursts and showing drastic changes in their behavior.
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When your child comes home from school, it can be tempting to ask about every single aspect of their day. However, asking too many questions at once can feel overwhelming and make them less likely to open up. Instead, an occasional mental health check-in reassures your child that you’re someone they can turn to when the going gets tough.
This article will explore what a mental health check-in entails, its benefits, and how to conduct one with your child.
What is a Mental Health Check-In?
A mental health check-in is the intentional practice of assessing your child’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being as a whole. These check-ins give you an idea of your child’s current moods, stress levels, and any changes in behaviors or thought patterns.
Check-ins encourage children to reflect on their emotions, the way journaling or art therapy can. When children open up to their parents about their emotions, they tend to develop greater emotional awareness and lower levels of anxiety over time [*].
Why Parents Should Do Mental Health Check-Ins With Their Children
Performing check-ins helps build a foundation of trust between you and your child. It also puts you in a better position to understand them and step in when necessary. Below are a few other benefits of doing mental health check-ins.
Helps spot problems
Regular mental health check-ins can help parents spot early warning signs of potential mental health conditions. They’ll learn to recognize signs of anxiety, depression, and other types of distress common in children and adolescents.
Builds emotional awareness
The insights you collect from a check-in can help build emotional awareness. You’ll start noticing behaviors in your child that may seem harmless but are actually quite telling. This emotional awareness can signal to you when it might be time to step in or intervene.
Supports social development
Check-ins make children feel cared for. The simple act of asking your child how they’re feeling after school encourages positive social interactions that strengthen their trust-building skills. It encourages them to check up on others, too.
Strengthens parent-child communication
It can be challenging for a child to open up to their parents, especially when they feel shy or embarrassed. Check-ins eliminate this awkward barrier and encourage children to be more open with their parents and cope with stressors better [*].
How to Do a Mental Health Check-In With Your Child
Checking in with your child shouldn’t feel forced or formal. Here are a few ways you can keep mental health check-ins casual yet productive.
Keep it simple and age-appropriate
Use language your child can currently understand. You can also use a visual aid, such as a feelings thermometer, to help your child find the right words to express themselves.
For younger children, it can be helpful to use simple metaphors, such as assigning feelings to colors or the weather.
Having a discussion with older children? Touch on specific aspects of their life, such as friendships, school, or hobbies.
Use open-ended questions
Don’t try to take over the conversation. Let your child lead, and avoid yes-or-no questions that tend to end the conversation too quickly.
Encourage your child to open up by asking questions that require “meatier” responses. For example, you might ask, “I noticed you seemed a bit upset after school. Can you tell me what about your day was troubling?”
Choose the right time
Timing can determine how much your child opens up to you. You’ll want to avoid approaching them when they’re tired, hungry, or too upset. Instead, approach them when they’re a little calmer and in a low-pressure environment, such as in their bedroom or the living room.
Avoid eye contact, which can feel intimidating for many kids. Instead, make your child feel relaxed by opening up the conversation when taking a walk, going for a drive, or having a snack.
Listen more than you talk
As a parent, it can be tempting to “rescue” your child by telling them what to do. But when we do this, we take away our children’s sense of independence. Instead, listen more than you talk, and validate them with phrases like “It sounds like losing your soccer match today was really frustrating.”
When they pause, don’t try to jump in immediately. Give them room to keep opening up. As they talk, choose a few moments to validate big feelings. Tell them, “I understand,” or “I see why you might feel that way.”
How Often Should Parents Do Mental Health Check-Ins?
The frequency of mental health check-ins with your child will ultimately depend on your family rhythm and relationships. You can opt to do daily “micro checks,” but keep it casual so as not to overwhelm them. Keep it low-pressure, such as for a few minutes after they get home from school or before bed.
Alternatively, you can set aside time for a more intentional conversation once a week. The goal of these conversations would be to spot any patterns and find ways to provide support.
At What Age Should Parents Start Checking In on Their Child's Mental Health?
There’s no single right “age” to start checking in on your child’s mental health, but your approach will change as they grow.
With toddlers and preschoolers, for example, you’ll want to start by teaching them to identify their emotions. Diving headfirst into explaining too many concepts can be overwhelming and hard to remember.
As they reach school age, which is typically between 5 and 10, you can start to establish a check-in routine as they enter school and make new friends.
Teenagers, on the other hand, may require more frequent check-ins, as adolescence can bring greater emotional intensity and increased risk for mental health challenges [*].
When to Seek Extra Support
Remember, it’s normal for kids to have “off” days or even phases, but it’s still important for parents to know when to step in and seek professional help.
There are three things to note:
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Duration: how long your child has been feeling this way
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Intensity: whether your child is experiencing their emotions in excess or to an unbearable degree
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Outbursts: whether your child is experiencing extreme temper tantrums
Note any physical or behavioral changes, such as a fluctuating appetite, poor sleep quality, frequent headaches or stomachaches, and reverting to younger behaviors (such as bed-wetting or needing a night light to feel safe).
Finally, observe your child’s social changes. Are they withdrawing from friends? Are they starting to disengage from after-school activities?
You don’t have to have all the answers when you speak with your child’s pediatrician. Discussing your concerns is just the first step!
Small Conversations Make a Big Difference
You don’t have to save meaningful conversations for crisis moments. Even a simple daily check-in can go a long way in boosting their mental well-being and helping them feel safe.
Looking for other ways to help your child express their feelings? Explore our free mental health worksheets to find tips and activities.
Sources:
- Tang S, Xiang M, Cheung T, Xiang YT. “Mental health and its correlates among children and adolescents during COVID-19 school closure: The importance of parent-child discussion.” Journal of Affective Disorders, 2021.
- Rosychuk RJ, Newton AS, Hu XJ. “Age Affects the Impact of Important Predictors on Mental Health Emergency Department Visits.” The Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, 2018.
