7 Common Types of Grief Children Experience

Every child’s grief journey is unique. When children experience a loss, their grief may not always look the way adults expect. Because there are different types of grief, children can show a wide range of emotions and behaviors [*].

During these difficult times, children look to the adults in their lives for comfort. The more we understand their grief experiences, the better prepared we are to provide meaningful support and know when it may be time to seek professional help.

Normal Grief

Normal grief, sometimes called uncomplicated grief, is the natural response to a loss. While grief can be painful, it does not mean something is wrong with your child. Most children gradually learn to adjust to the loss while continuing to participate in daily life.

Children often move in and out of grief. They may seem very upset one moment and ready to play the next. This is a common part of healthy grieving.

A child may experience normal grief after:

• The death of a grandparent, parent, sibling, friend, or pet
• Moving away from a close friend
• A family separation or divorce
• Another significant life change or loss

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: sadness, loneliness, worry, anger, missing the person who died
• Physical: appetite changes, trouble sleeping, low energy, headaches, or stomachaches
• Behavioral: crying, asking questions about the loss, wanting extra comfort from caregivers, difficulty concentrating at school, talking about or remembering the person who died

Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief happens before a loss occurs. Children may begin grieving when they know that someone they love has a serious illness or is expected to die. They may also grieve the changes happening in their family before the actual loss.

For example, a child whose grandparent has been diagnosed with a terminal illness may begin grieving as their loved one spends more time in the hospital.

A child may experience anticipatory grief in situations such as:

• A parent or grandparent with a terminal illness
• A loved one receiving hospice or end-of-life care
• A sibling with a life-threatening condition
• A loved one with advanced dementia

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: fear, sadness, anxiety, confusion, guilt
• Physical: trouble sleeping, fatigue, appetite changes, headaches, or stomachaches
• Behavioral: asking many questions about death, becoming clingy, wanting to spend more time with the loved one, difficulty concentrating at school

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief is a form of grief that stays very intense for a long time and makes it hard for a child to return to everyday activities. Unlike normal grief, these feelings do not gradually become easier to manage and may interfere with school, friendships, or family life.

Children with complicated grief may try very hard to avoid anything that reminds them of the person who died. They may refuse to talk about the person, look at pictures, visit familiar places, or participate in activities that remind them of the loss [*].

A child may experience complicated grief after:

• The death of a parent or sibling
• Losing more than one loved one in a short period
• A sudden or traumatic death
• A loss combined with other major life stressors

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: intense sadness, hopelessness, persistent longing for the person who died, difficulty feeling joy
• Physical: ongoing sleep problems, fatigue, frequent headaches or stomachaches
• Behavioral: withdrawing from family and friends, avoiding reminders of the loss, loss of interest in favorite activities, declining school performance

Delayed Grief

Delayed grief happens when a child’s grief reactions do not appear until weeks, months, or even years after the loss. Some children may seem to cope well at first because they are focused on daily routines or do not fully understand the loss. Their grief may surface later as they grow.

A child may experience delayed grief after:

• The death of a loved one
• A loss that happened during early childhood
• A major life event that reminds them of the loss, such as a birthday or graduation

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: unexpected sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt
• Physical: sleep problems, appetite changes, low energy
• Behavioral: withdrawing from others, becoming more emotional than usual, acting younger than their age, acting like a “little adult” by taking on extra responsibilities or trying to care for others

Collective Grief

A group of people shares collective grief after a loss or tragic event that affects a family, school, neighborhood, or community. Children may experience this type of grief even if they did not personally know everyone involved because they see the pain around them [*].

A child may experience collective grief after:

• A natural disaster
• A school tragedy
• The death of a well-known community member
• A national or global tragedy

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: sadness, fear, confusion, worry about safety
• Physical: trouble sleeping, headaches, stomachaches
• Behavioral: asking many questions about the event, wanting to stay close to caregivers, avoiding places that remind them of the tragedy, difficulty focusing at school

Disenfranchised Grief

Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not recognized or fully understood by others. A child may feel that they are not “allowed” to grieve or that others do not see their loss as important.

A child may experience disenfranchised grief after:

• The death of a pet
• The death of an online friend or distant relative
• The loss of a teacher, coach, or neighbor
• A miscarriage or stillbirth in the family
• A parent’s incarceration or absence

Children with developmental disabilities, such as autism or an intellectual disability, may also be at greater risk of disenfranchised grief. Because they may communicate or express their emotions differently, others might mistakenly assume they do not understand the loss [*]. This can result in them getting less emotional support.

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: loneliness, sadness, frustration, feeling misunderstood
• Physical: sleep changes, fatigue, appetite changes
• Behavioral: hiding feelings, avoiding conversations about the loss, withdrawing from others, becoming irritable

Traumatic Grief

Traumatic grief occurs when a child experiences both grief and trauma at the same time. This may happen after a frightening or violent death, but it can also occur after an expected death, such as one caused by a serious illness [*].

Painful memories of what happened may overshadow happy memories. This can make it difficult for the child to process the loss.

A child may experience traumatic grief after:

• A car accident
• A homicide
• Suicide
• A natural disaster
• Witnessing the death of a loved one

Possible grief reactions may include:

• Emotional: intense fear, sadness, anger, guilt, self-blame, emotional numbness
• Physical: nightmares, sleep problems, being easily startled, headaches, or stomachaches
• Behavioral: avoiding reminders of the event, replaying the event in play or conversations, becoming unusually clingy, trouble concentrating, withdrawing from family and friends

How to Support a Child Through Grief

Supporting a grieving child begins with understanding that grief is a personal experience. Every child processes loss differently, and their feelings may change from day to day.

Help them feel comfortable approaching you. If they do, listen without rushing to solve the problem or telling them how they should feel.

Simple responses like “I’m here for you,” or “That sounds really hard,” can offer validation. Sometimes, your presence is more comforting than having the perfect words.

Children find comfort in familiar routines during times of loss. Keep regular meal times, bedtimes, school schedules, and family traditions as consistent as possible. Doing this creates a sense of stability.

Many children also have questions about death and what happens afterward. If your family has religious beliefs about the afterlife, it can be helpful to share them in an age-appropriate way. If you are unsure, it is okay to say, “Different people believe different things,” or “I don’t know.”

Remember that not every child expresses grief through words. Some children communicate their feelings more easily through creative activities. Spending quality time together while doing these activities can also strengthen your connection.

When to Consider Grief Counseling

Some children may need additional help if their grief becomes overwhelming or affects their daily lives.

Consider seeking grief counseling if your child has intense sadness that does not improve, becomes increasingly isolated, or engages in risky behaviors.

During grief counseling, children have a safe space to express their feelings with a trained mental health professional. Depending on their age and needs, the therapist may use play, art, storytelling, or talk therapy.

Early counseling may also be helpful for children who have experienced a sudden, violent, or traumatic loss. Even if they do not show obvious signs of distress, they may still be struggling internally.

Trust your instincts. If something feels out of character or you are concerned about how your child is coping, seek professional support. Timely support can help prevent small concerns from becoming bigger challenges.

Resources

Knowing the different types of grief is only one part of supporting a grieving child. The following trusted organizations offer additional information and resources to help children and families face loss together:

• Child Mind Institute
• Eluna Network
• National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG)
• Sesame Workshop
• Dougy Center