Grief can look very different in children than it does in adults. The signs of grief in a child are not always easy to recognize because children show their feelings through their behavior instead of their words.
A child may appear angry, clingy, quiet, or even playful after someone dies. These reactions can all be part of grief.
Their stage of development affects what they believe has happened and how they react. Young children may not understand that death is permanent, while older children and teenagers usually have a deeper understanding of what it means [*].
This guide explains the common signs of grief in children, age-related differences, and when a child may need additional help.
Signs of Grief in Children
Sometimes, the signs of grief in children are mistaken for defiance or even a disorder. These concerns can sometimes exist alongside grief, but a child’s reactions may simply be their way of coping with a loss.
It’s important to have a grief-informed perspective so that adults can give a grieving child the support they need.
Toddlers
Toddlers may not understand that death is permanent. They also cannot explain how they feel with words. After a loss, it is also common for their daily routines to change, which can add to their confusion [*].
Behavioral signs:
- Becomes more clingy than usual.
- Has frequent tantrums.
- Regresses to earlier behaviors (like thumb-sucking or needing help with skills they had already learned).
- Becomes fearful when separated from caregivers.
- Shows less interest in playing or exploring.
Emotional signs:
- Seems confused or upset when the person who died does not return.
- Becomes more anxious or easily startled.
- Has sudden mood changes.
- Looks sad or less engaged with others.
Physical signs:
- Changes in sleep (such as trouble falling asleep or waking during the night).
- Changes in appetite.
- Complaints of discomfort, even when no medical cause is found.
- Less energy than usual.
School-Age Children
School-age children have a better understanding that death is permanent, but they may not always know how to express their grief.
Some children talk openly about their feelings or ask many questions about death. Others worry about their own safety or the safety of their loved ones.
Behavioral signs:
- Has difficulty paying attention at school.
- Has trouble following routines.
- Avoids activities they used to enjoy.
- Becomes more irritable or argues more often.
- Withdraws from friends or family.
Emotional signs:
- Feels sad, lonely, or hopeless.
- Worries about losing other loved ones.
- Feels guilty or blames themselves for the death.
- Has frequent mood swings.
- Misses the person who died and talks about them often.
Physical signs:
- Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares.
- Changes in appetite or eating habits.
- Complains of headaches or stomachaches without a clear cause.
- Feels tired or has less energy during the day.
Teenagers
Teenagers understand that death is permanent. Research shows that the death of a friend or peer can have a major impact on a teenager’s daily life. After this type of loss, some teens spend more time worrying about death or thinking about it over and over again [*].
They may also experience emotional volatility, which means their feelings can change quickly and become more intense.
Behavioral signs:
- Pulls away from family or friends.
- Loses interest in hobbies, sports, or school activities.
- Has trouble concentrating or keeping up with schoolwork.
- Acts more irritable, argumentative, or defiant than usual.
- Takes more risks or makes impulsive decisions.
Emotional signs:
- Feels sadness, anger, guilt, or loneliness.
- Has difficulty talking about the loss.
- Feels numb or emotionally disconnected.
- Worries about the future or the safety of loved ones.
- Shows low motivation or loss of hope.
Physical signs:
- Changes in sleep, including sleeping too much or too little.
- Changes in appetite or weight.
- Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints.
- Persistent tiredness or low energy throughout the day.
Supporting Your Child Through Grief
It’s important to offer consistent support and validate their feelings. Your child needs to know that it is okay to feel sad, angry, confused, scared, or even happy at times.
Avoid telling them to “be strong” or “move on.” Instead, listen without judgment and remind them that you are there for them.
Support also includes the small, everyday things like keeping daily routines consistent and spending quality time together. When talking about death, consider your child’s age and level of understanding. Use simple, honest language and avoid giving false hope.
It is okay if you do not have all the answers. What matters most is helping your child feel reassured that they do not have to face their grief alone.
Recognizing Complicated Grief in Children
Most children gradually learn to adjust to a loss with time and support, even though they may continue to miss the person who died. Sometimes, however, a child has more difficulty adapting. This is known as complicated grief.
Children with complicated grief experience intense grief that does not become easier over time. It continues to interfere with their everyday activities. It can be difficult to tell the difference between uncomplicated grief and complicated grief because many of the signs are similar.
For example, both may include sadness, anger, changes in sleep, trouble concentrating, or missing the person who died. The key difference is that the symptoms of complicated grief are more intense and last longer [*].
If you think a child may have complicated grief, seek an evaluation from a qualified mental health professional with experience supporting grieving children. This may include a psychologist, therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist.
Resources
Learning about childhood grief can help you better understand your child’s reactions. You can feel more confident supporting them through the grieving process. The following pages provide evidence-based information about grief:
