Anger is a normal emotion. Like adults, children can feel frustrated, upset, or hurt when things don’t go the way they hoped. Anger management for kids benefits them by teaching them to notice, understand, and safely express how they feel.
A child who knows how to cope with anger can handle frustration better and have positive relationships with family and peers. The good news is that with our guidance, children can learn and master these skills [*].
The earlier they start, the stronger their emotional foundation becomes. This guide will show you age-appropriate strategies for anger management.
Help kids recognize and name their feelings
Many children act out because they feel overwhelmed but lack the words to explain what is going on inside. This is especially common in younger kids, such as toddlers and preschoolers.
Helping kids build an emotional vocabulary is a necessary step toward self-regulation. When they are able to say they “I feel angry” or “I feel frustrated,” they begin to develop a sense of control over that emotion.
Parents can start by using tools like a feelings chart or emotion cards with faces. Children can point to them to connect a word to a feeling. Books about emotions are also helpful.
Encourage kids to express anger in safe and healthy ways
The goal is not to make children ignore or hide their anger. They need help to work through anger constructively. Children need an outlet, and your role is to help them find it.
Here’s why it matters: Trying to push anger down doesn’t eliminate the feeling. What usually happens is that it comes out in unhealthy ways, like hitting, yelling, throwing things, or being turned inward as anxiety [*].
Teach kids healthy ways to calm down
Some healthy coping skills or outlets to try include physical movement, such as doing jumping jacks to release tension, drawing or writing about feelings, and taking deep breaths. They can turn to these techniques when anger begins to take over.
A calm-down kit can be especially helpful. This is a small collection of items that help a child settle their emotions. It might include a stressball, a feelings chart, a small stuffed toy, or cards with simple positive reminders.
The best time to introduce them is when a child is calm — not in the middle of a meltdown. Even better, practice these techniques as a family.
Teach problem-solving skills
Once an angry child has calmed down, they are in a much better place to think about what happened. This is the moment when problem-solving can happen.
Instead of focusing only on the behavior, help your child reflect on the situation and consider what they could do differently next time.
You can start by asking what happened and how it made them feel. Listen carefully and acknowledge their emotions. Then talk about what choices they had in that moment. Could they have asked for help or taken a break?
For instance, if a child gets angry because their sibling took their toy, a parent might say, “It looked like you felt really frustrated when your brother took your toy. What happened?”
Time-outs and reward system
Time-outs and reward systems can help children understand the connection between their behavior and its consequences. The key is to use them thoughtfully, with the goal of teaching rather than punishing.
Many parents are rethinking the traditional time-out. A child who is being sent away may feel misunderstood or rejected. This can make it more difficult for them to learn from the situation.
A helpful alternative is a calm-down space. This is a quiet spot where a child can settle their emotions using their calm-down kit. Involve your child in decorating the space to make it feel inviting and comfortable.
Reward systems can also encourage positive behavior when they focus on the child’s effort. Sticker charts work well for younger children, while older kids may prefer earning points toward a reward.
Verbal praise is important too, such as saying, “I saw that you took a deep breath instead of yelling.
Positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement means noticing and rewarding the behaviors you want to see more of. Children who receive genuine praise after handling their anger well are more likely to repeat the behavior. Research supports this [*].
Positive reinforcement is most effective when it is specific. For example, instead of “Good job,” try “I’m really proud of how you walked away when you were angry instead of yelling. That was a great choice.”
It also works best when it is immediate. Offer praise right after the positive behavior so that children can clearly connect their actions with the encouragement they receive.
When it comes to the type of rewards, non-material forms can be effective in promoting positive behavior without relying on toys. Give a high-five, extra playtime, or choose a family activity (such as picking the movie for family night or deciding where to go for a weekend walk).
Model healthy anger management
Studies show that parents’ responses to children’s emotions affect how children learn to regulate their own emotions. If a parent reacts with anger, the child may become even more upset, and it can become more difficult for them to regain control of their emotions [*].
This is why modeling calm behavior is so important. One way to do this is by narrating your process out loud. For example, you might say, “That situation made me feel upset, so I’m going to take a short break and come back when I feel better.”
Acknowledging your own imperfections is helpful, too. If you lose your temper, take a moment to apologize and explain what happened. Saying something like, “I’m sorry I got angry and yelled. I should have taken a breath before I spoke.”
Behavioral techniques that can help kids manage anger
In some cases, anger in children may benefit from additional support from a mental health professional. Research-supported behavioral approaches can teach skills that improve emotional regulation and promote healthier relationships with family members and peers.
Examples of behavioral techniques for anger issues include [*][*]:
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Parent Management Training (PMT) - It focuses on improving parenting skills, such as praising good behavior and using consistent consequences, to encourage healthier patterns at home.
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Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) - Through guided real-time coaching, parents and caregivers learn ways to manage a child’s disruptive behaviors and reduce anger outbursts.
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) - Here, children understand how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected and learn better ways to cope with anger.
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Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) - It teaches emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness. The goal of DBT is to help children reduce impulsive reactions.
Know when to seek professional help
It may be time to reach out for help if your child’s anger outbursts are frequent, intense, or create difficulties with relationships at home, at school, or with friends.
You know your child best and are most familiar with their behavior and temperament. If something about their anger feels unusual, it can be helpful to speak with a professional.
A therapist, psychologist, or pediatrician can help identify what might be contributing to the behavior. Early support can help children build the skills they need to handle anger in healthier ways.
Resources
If you’re looking for additional information and support about helping children manage anger, there are high‑quality resources available for parents and caregivers:
